Text to Haller

[xp_alias]

[1/2] You're a therapist, right?
[2/2] I need you to fix my assistant. I think he's an animal hoarder.

Comments

[xp_alias]

[1/3] Why the fuck are you in Scotland!?
[2/3] Don't even start with that shit, I know there are some things even a fucking wizard couldn't fix
[3/3] But first it was the cats, then it was the lizards, now it's another cat and that's not even counting running this business into the ground finding every lost dog for a $10 reward if he doesn't just accept a can of Red Bull instead - anyway, I will pay you, what does it cost to fix a kid?

[xp_legion]

[1] I've been here since last Monday. Powers issues. Don't know when I'll be back.

[2] I don't usually work on that kind of problem.

[3] First, does it bother him, or just you? Does it interfere in his life?

[4] Second, are you going to pay me in lizards?

[xp_alias]

[1/] Well, get better soon, so you can fix this kid
[2/] What, you're too good for animal hoarders? It's not like a nice break from trying to break Warren out of his delusions?
[3/] I don't see why it matters if it bothers him, it's clearly unhinged??? How many animals can one kid need???
[4/] And I see - NOW you're interested in the lizards

[xp_legion]

[1] My specialty is powers trauma. Also it'll depend on whether he meets the criteria of "disorder."

[2] Is Match able to provide a good standard of living for both himself and the animals? How's their living area? Are they fed, do they have adequate vet care? If everyone is clean and healthy, then I think what you have is just an animal lover.

[3] Some people just like the company and affection of other living things. Weirdly this isn't considered a disorder.

[4] I'm not taking the lizards for you, Jess.

[xp_alias]

[1] THERE ARE TOO MANY ANIMALS IN MY GODDAMNED OFFICE
[2] THAT'S disorder???
[3] There is no way therapists make enough to get paid in one of those fucking lizards anyway
[4] You're just a plumber for people's brains so get over it and come fix the kid

[xp_legion]

[1] I'm not sure where you got the impression I get paid.

[2] Although if I were on the clock I might ask why you have such a negative reaction to the pure, uncomplicated love of a pet.

[3] Almost as if the concept of unconditional love is existentially threatening.

[xp_alias]

[1] Hilarious coming from a man with no pets except Warren, who is also disgusting and belongs outside
[2] But are you seriously a free therapist because this kid truly has too many

[xp_legion]

[1] I get a stipend for working with Muir and the Institute. If you're unlucky enough to need me you don't want someone distracted by meeting a patient quota for insurance reimbursement.

[2] Like I said, if he wants to talk to me I can try. There are a couple risk factors for hoarding, up to and including personal loss or a period of instability in your living situation, especially childhood. But, and I cannot stress this enough, "your boss says so" is not an adequate reason to start treatment.

[3] Also, I'm not taking responsibility for Warren. He has at least two assistants for that.

[xp_alias]

[1] There are no other adults in Warren's life who care enough - that makes him your responsibility by default
[2] But back to the kid - he thinks THIS is a fucking cat???



[3] I don't know what this is but it's not a cat
[4] And it ate my power bill

[xp_legion]

[1] I'm not good with animals. Is it supposed to look like that?

[2] Also: you were going to pay your bills?

[xp_alias]

[1] NOTHING is supposed to look like that, it's the size of a fucking park bench
[2] The guy who doesn't get paid is asking if I pay MY bills? Amazing

[xp_legion]

[1] The mansion has one cat with bat wings and another that's apparently some kind of faerie thing. I no longer have any concept of normal.

[2] I don't pay for utilities. Or, now, cat food. And whatever lizards eat.

[3] It's 4am. I should sleep.

[xp_alias]

[1] Are you in Scotland for Stockholm syndrome, because that's what that's called
[2] And don't rub it in. Come home and fix my kid, or take this raccoon thing off my hands - whichever

[xp_legion]

[1] Just for my dad

[2] therapist

[3] It's late.

[4] In the meantime invest in live traps.

[xp_alias]

[1] Wow, just like calling your first grade teacher "Mommy"
[2] Hope your dad-therapist helps you understand how deeply fucked up this mansion is
[3] I can't trap the kid - that's cruel
[4] Oh, you meant the raccoon thing

[xp_legion]

[1] Trust me, he knows.

[2] Night