Text to Haller

[xp_alias]

[1/2] You're a therapist, right?
[2/2] I need you to fix my assistant. I think he's an animal hoarder.

Comments

[xp_alias]

[1/] Well, get better soon, so you can fix this kid
[2/] What, you're too good for animal hoarders? It's not like a nice break from trying to break Warren out of his delusions?
[3/] I don't see why it matters if it bothers him, it's clearly unhinged??? How many animals can one kid need???
[4/] And I see - NOW you're interested in the lizards

[xp_legion]

[1] My specialty is powers trauma. Also it'll depend on whether he meets the criteria of "disorder."

[2] Is Match able to provide a good standard of living for both himself and the animals? How's their living area? Are they fed, do they have adequate vet care? If everyone is clean and healthy, then I think what you have is just an animal lover.

[3] Some people just like the company and affection of other living things. Weirdly this isn't considered a disorder.

[4] I'm not taking the lizards for you, Jess.

[xp_alias]

[1] THERE ARE TOO MANY ANIMALS IN MY GODDAMNED OFFICE
[2] THAT'S disorder???
[3] There is no way therapists make enough to get paid in one of those fucking lizards anyway
[4] You're just a plumber for people's brains so get over it and come fix the kid

[xp_legion]

[1] I'm not sure where you got the impression I get paid.

[2] Although if I were on the clock I might ask why you have such a negative reaction to the pure, uncomplicated love of a pet.

[3] Almost as if the concept of unconditional love is existentially threatening.

[xp_alias]

[1] Hilarious coming from a man with no pets except Warren, who is also disgusting and belongs outside
[2] But are you seriously a free therapist because this kid truly has too many

[xp_legion]

[1] I get a stipend for working with Muir and the Institute. If you're unlucky enough to need me you don't want someone distracted by meeting a patient quota for insurance reimbursement.

[2] Like I said, if he wants to talk to me I can try. There are a couple risk factors for hoarding, up to and including personal loss or a period of instability in your living situation, especially childhood. But, and I cannot stress this enough, "your boss says so" is not an adequate reason to start treatment.

[3] Also, I'm not taking responsibility for Warren. He has at least two assistants for that.

[xp_alias]

[1] There are no other adults in Warren's life who care enough - that makes him your responsibility by default
[2] But back to the kid - he thinks THIS is a fucking cat???



[3] I don't know what this is but it's not a cat
[4] And it ate my power bill

[xp_legion]

[1] I'm not good with animals. Is it supposed to look like that?

[2] Also: you were going to pay your bills?

[xp_alias]

[1] NOTHING is supposed to look like that, it's the size of a fucking park bench
[2] The guy who doesn't get paid is asking if I pay MY bills? Amazing

[xp_legion]

[1] The mansion has one cat with bat wings and another that's apparently some kind of faerie thing. I no longer have any concept of normal.

[2] I don't pay for utilities. Or, now, cat food. And whatever lizards eat.

[3] It's 4am. I should sleep.

[xp_alias]

[1] Are you in Scotland for Stockholm syndrome, because that's what that's called
[2] And don't rub it in. Come home and fix my kid, or take this raccoon thing off my hands - whichever

[xp_legion]

[1] Just for my dad

[2] therapist

[3] It's late.

[4] In the meantime invest in live traps.

[xp_alias]

[1] Wow, just like calling your first grade teacher "Mommy"
[2] Hope your dad-therapist helps you understand how deeply fucked up this mansion is
[3] I can't trap the kid - that's cruel
[4] Oh, you meant the raccoon thing

[xp_legion]

[1] Trust me, he knows.

[2] Night