E-Mail to Angelo

[x-unmoved.livejournal.com]

To: Jello
From: Fred
Subject: Problem

Angelo, I got a problem. A problem that has, like, hips and eyes and a smile, man. Okay, mainly I made the problem. Or there's no problem. Or there is and she's isn't going to bring it up and then there's going to be a bigger problem. Crap, it's just like a problem bomb.

Comments

[x-skin.livejournal.com]

You got a girl problem? Who is she? Anyone I know?

(Also, it totally might not be a problem at all, that's something you need to figure out before you freak about it.)

A.

[x-unmoved.livejournal.com]

I don't have a girl problem, cause it's stupid and dumb and not a thing. I don't think. Couldn't possibly be a thing.

[x-skin.livejournal.com]

Who says it couldn't be a thing? I'm guessing she didn't, or you wouldn't be asking for advice.

Okay, probably not Callie again, that probably wouldn't be much of a problem... it's not Amara, is it?

A.

[x-unmoved.livejournal.com]

Amara? The cool blonde chick? No, dude! Stop guessing!

[x-skin.livejournal.com]

I'll stop guessing when you tell me her name.

Catseye?

[x-unmoved.livejournal.com]

No way. The first time I met her, she was naked. That pretty much cauterizes any romantic feelings.

And you have to stop guessing when you run out of people.

[x-skin.livejournal.com]

...you know that usually works the other way round, right? But I know what you mean, Cats did that a lot back in the day.

When I run out of obvious people, I'll be forced to start getting ridiculous, and you don't want that.

If it's Angel, I promise not to kick your ass. She's 20 now, it's okay.

[x-unmoved.livejournal.com]

Angel? She's like...a twice removed cousin.

It's, uh, Linnea Quigley. I have a crush on Linnea Quigley. There. We're done guessing.

[x-skin.livejournal.com]

Uh... huh. You have a crush on a horror movie actress in her fifties and this is in some way a problem that she might or might not bring up even though as far as I know she doesn't know you exist.

Is it Yvette?

[x-unmoved.livejournal.com]

No. It is in no way Yvette. It has nothing to do with Yvette. Yvette who? The chick that works at the Starbuck next to Elpis? No not in any way her at all.

It's Cassandra Peterson. Totally in love with her.

[x-skin.livejournal.com]

It is!

I might have believed you if you'd said it was Yvette the chick at Starbucks. I already know you've got a thing for Elvira.

[x-unmoved.livejournal.com]

Come on, Angelo. It's really nothing. I just made an ass outta myself and it's no big deal I think.

[x-skin.livejournal.com]

Tell me what happened. It'll stay between us, promise.