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xp_communication2005-04-24 12:30 am
x-cable.livejournal.com) wrote in xp_communication2005-04-24 12:30 am
Emails to Alison and Manuel
To: [firefly]
From: [he of the still-spinning head]
Subject: I could have told you...
...how effective properly-arranged, large amounts of pillows could be. Months ago.
Also. Esther. I know I told you about how much it bothered me, not to know my mother's name. Now I do.
Nathan
To: [Manuel]
From: [Nathan]
Subject: not sure if you have your laptop with you in the Box...
... but whenever you do see this, please try and remember what I said?
I won't ask you again to tell me whether or not it was a request. If for no other reason than the fact that I should be able to figure that out myself. I am a mindreader, after all.
N.
From: [he of the still-spinning head]
Subject: I could have told you...
...how effective properly-arranged, large amounts of pillows could be. Months ago.
Also. Esther. I know I told you about how much it bothered me, not to know my mother's name. Now I do.
Nathan
To: [Manuel]
From: [Nathan]
Subject: not sure if you have your laptop with you in the Box...
... but whenever you do see this, please try and remember what I said?
I won't ask you again to tell me whether or not it was a request. If for no other reason than the fact that I should be able to figure that out myself. I am a mindreader, after all.
N.
Reply Email
To: Dayspring, Nathan
Subject: I am so weak.
I don't know. I'm so lost, I don't know where I am or who I am or where I have to go. I reach out, and I get laughed at. But I can't just sit up in my room by myself, I'll go mad.
I've been down here for days, underwater.
Manuel
Reply
From: [Nathan]
Subject: not weak...
Just not possessed of much in the way of solid ground to stand on right now.
I know you don't believe that I can empathize with your situation, because I never had a family, a culture, or traditions that I was proud of. To some extent you're right; I didn't have those things, and it makes it very difficult for me to really understand why it hurts you to have lost or given it all up.
But I do understand what it is to be building from what seems like nothing. I also know what it's like to do it more than once, to have your life stripped away repeatedly. So long as you're alive, Manuel, there is still the opportunity to rebuild. Even if it means rebuilding yourself into an entirely new person.
N
no subject
From: [firefly]
Subject: Well, I could have told you...
...that years ago. If I'd known you then. ;) You think I have that many pillows and (more than ever now) cushions for nothing?
Esther. It's a pretty name. Meaning's either 'star' or... the less well known one is 'hidden'.
And just so you kno
no subject
From: [and I so know what you're doing]
Subject: next you need to try a tent...
I recommend tents. Highly.
Saul and Esther.
N.
no subject
From: [being snuggled]
Subject: Grar!!!
He's sleeping! He just sort of tugged me closer and I hit send by mistake, yeesh!
Saul and Esther. Huh.
It still doesn't change who you are and who you choose to be.
A
Re: Reply
To: Dayspring, Nathan
Subject: I don't have the strength
I can't keep fighting it. I just don't have the strength. I have no foundation, no one to lean on, to draw strength from.
It's not so bad down here, underwater
Once you get past the fear, underwater
Manuel
Reply
Given everything that you have survived, I think you need to have more faith in your own strength.
N.
no subject
From: [did I ever deny it?]
Subject: I'm just teasing you...
I am, after all, a mean old man.
As Remy pointed out, they sound oddly Jewish. From what I remember, they didn't look it, either. And in any case, Old Testament names were all the rage in the commune... I think. I remember... well, a few things. I wish sometimes I had more memories from those years than I do.
I know it doesn't. All it does is open up a few doors, and I'd have been thrown for less of a loop if I was less ambiguous about knowing what's on the other side.
N