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To: [everyone in charge]
From: [the paranoid one]

Sorry to add to what's already a stressful weekend, but this is important. At least, it is to me - no-one else seems to give a toss. But I promised I'd wait until she was well enough to talk about it, and I consider posting to the journals well enough. If I'm jumping the gun, feel free to tell me to wait.

Someone needs to know exactly what happened to Illyana in that demon dimension. I'm not saying this because I'm a nosy cow or want ammunition for what you lot probably see as another teenage girl spat, like the thing with Lee. Hell, I don't even want to know. But someone has to, for the safety of this place and the people around her.

I know I sound paranoid - hell, sometimes I think I am. But I've already raised the reasons why I think this is important. Illyana has power over demons, and some kind of magic. That much was established the other week. No big deal, you'd think, seeing how I've got that much power meself. Well, not the demon part, but you get my meaning. Thing is, it's not just having the power that's important, it's where that power comes from. That place she was taken to - it's not just another dimension. It's a Demon dimension, and I don't know how to tell you any more than I already have, but demons aren't human villains in stupid costumes. They aren't criminals. They're beings of pure evil, and they don't raise little girls out of the kindness of their hearts. Whatever happened over there - if she has magic, and the handy demon-slaying sword, then she spent more than a few minutes in the company of that demon lord.

I'm not saying she's evil in herself. But there are spells, bad ones, that can change and twist a person's soul, and I think that's what's been done to her. I'm not even saying that she should be sent away, or locked up, or any of that shite. Just... don't be fooled by the outside? She's dangerous, same as any of us, and she needs watching. She needs help. I'm calling Strange once I'm done with this and asking him to talk to you, Professor, since he's been researching this and he has a better idea of what's what.

If anyone needs me, I'll be ~~hiding~~ studying in my little room off the library.

Amanda Sefton.

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To: Sefton, Amanda
Cc: STAFF list

Subject: Paranoia

Pot. Cauldron. Black.

I swear, between you 'magic' folks and the telepaths, I'm amazed anyone thinks they've got a leg to stand on talking about ethics here. This is Illyana, for crying out loud. Piotr's baby sister. Not some weapon of mass destruction about to explode in the middle of Biology class.

Frankly, she ain't any more messed up than the rest of you. And I know your big magic fairy-tale books may tell you otherwise, but until I see something more threatening than a little red monster that MILES could beat up, I'm really not seeing any inherent threat here.

Besides, she ain't broken anything or blown it up yet.

~C. Marko

Says the man with the hunk of magic rock in his bloody chest. And you didn't see the demon out the front, the one that nearly had Illyana's guts for garters, literally. have you _forgotten_ what you saw through that blood portal back in February?

Fine, I'm done warning people. You want to believe she's harmless, you do that. It's not like we haven't already had enough disasters in this place this week.

A.

Yeah, about the rock thing. Any news?

As for Illyana - look, so she's messed up in some monster stuff. It obviously ain't anything she can't handle, and she's a fifteen year old girl. I seem to recall a lot of folks being rightfully scared about you about a year back, and look where that got everyone.

Strange hasn't said? Must've gotten distracted by the books again. I'll remind him when I talk to him.

We don't know that she can handle it. What happened last week... if I'd known she still had links to that place, I could've gotten some help with the protection spell on the place, gotten Strange to cast it further than the building. And sure she says there's no more rebellion or whatever, but who's to say there won't be another one?

And maybe it would have helped if people had acted on that being scared of me back then. Might have stopped a whole lot of mess with the addiction, for a start.

I get your point. She's the same as any of us. I understand that. But it feels like people are putting the blinkers on again - you get all thise crap about having all the information and such, but when I try and tell people that there's something they should know, they shrug me off as having a personal grudge.

And somehow I don't think you're interested in all this. Like I said, I'll leave it. I've done my best, and if people want to ignore it, then that's it. Can't do more than I already am.

To: Amanda
From: Alison
Subject: ...

I traveled with her for a month in Asgard, Amanda... maybe there's more to this than the whole 'living in a demon dimension' bit? Just maybe?

Look. I can try and talk to her, see where that gets me. Blunt and to the point has worked before, I don't mind going for that again. Would you let me know what research Strange comes up with on the matter of demon dimensions and all that?

Alison

Asgard. That'd be where you found her breaking fingers, wouldn't it? For no more reason than Hel told her to? Hel, who just happened to be the resident evil goddess?

Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm tired and I'm pissed off and I'm scared, and I've got people saying I'm bloody crazy and I'm starting to think they might be right. And you know what? I'd _love_ to be wrong about this. But I don't think I am - there's something there, something I can _feel_, and the last time I ignored this sort of feeling was when that demon lord was hanging around in the first place. And that ended with her being taken.

Talk to her. See if she'll tell you what's what. You lot complain that we don't tell you anything, and I've done me best to tell you there's something wrong there, and I can't make you believe me. So I'm not going to try any more. Strange will probably be emailing the Professor in the next day or two - it's up to them what comes of that.

A.

Actually, there were a hell of a lot (pardon the pun) of reasons for it. Not simple, remember?

Did I say you were crazy? No. I asked you to give me more information. I asked you to talk to me and I said I'd listen.

Same goes for her - and if she were saying things about you I'd still be giving you a listen as well.

Fair's fair, you know?

Alison

I don't _have_ further information. Strange has been very good about not telling me what he's found, if only so I don't end up on the next plane back home. Email him if you want it.

Sorry. Just... sorry. Did I mention the part about being out of me head with lack of sleep and worry and way too much energy going into warding spells because I'm having fucking nightmares every night still?

Maybe I am going crazy. It'd be about time after everything's that gone on the past six months.

A.

Mmm. You know, why don't I? Do you think he'd mind? Although it might be best if I talk to Illyana first, then email him. She's as touchy as anyone about her privacy. And I plan to do both whatever the final order is, just so you know.

~No apologies needed in this.~

But you know, you're going to get sleep soon if I have to stuff one of your own potions down your throat.

And apparently I'm the insane one here. So nyah.

Alison

Strange mind having someone to talk to about his research? Nah. Besides, I think he's worried about the situation as well, and would probably like to hear from someone at the school on it. Email's SStrange@columbia.edu.ny

I'm trying to sleep. Really. But there's only so much of the potion I can take before it stops working. And I hate the stuff the doctors give you - mucks up the spell casting for days after. But if it keeps up, I'll go see Moira. Promise. I'll end up flunking Arabic if I miss another assignment, tho'.

A.

Yeah, I had an ex like that. Sweetest guy this side of creation though, that's never changed. I'll drop him an email later after I find Illyana, okay?

Email Madelyn now for an exemption from class or something, then go see Moira. Contact Haroun to arrange catch up in advance, see if that all works, yes?

Alison

Okay. Sorry to go mental on you earlier. I was just feeling like no-one was listening to me.

I'll go see Moira now - she can give me the exemption, can't she? Bartlet's cranky when she's busy and she'll give me that Look of hers. The one that seems to say she's thinking of doping my tea or something.

Haroun... I'll try. He's even crankier than Bartlet. Flunked me on my last two assignments, once because I fell asleep in class and the other being one I missed while I was in Istanbul. *sighs* But I'll try.

A.

Hey - remember that talk we had when you first got here? You yell,I yell, then we sort it out? S'all good. You're still talking to me, I'm not complaining in the least.

If you get a doctor's exemption you should be ok. Make sure with Moira, but it's part of the school rules near as I remember. And hey - at worst, do the assignment even if he flunks you. For one, that'll mean you're willing to work on the subject even if it's not for the grade. For another, you'll be even better on the material if you decide to redo the class next semester. ;)

Alison

To: Sefton, Amanda
CC: All Staff
From: Kylun

If Illyana's power is truly demonic in origin, that is a cause for concern; I have more experience with corrupting ritual than I would wish. However, she does not seem to be a direct threat, and it is a tenet of my order that in the full turning of the circle, even demons may achieve enlightenment; our word for the destruction of demons descends from the root "to liberate" rather than "to kill," and speaks of destroying only that which chains them to evil, letting that which is in them capable of seeking upward do so. It is best to accomplish this using only the force already unleashed, turning it back upon itself, and perhaps that is what Illyana does. I leave that determination in more capable hands than my own.

For now, if more demons come seeking her: in my experience, anything which lives, and some things that do not, can be killed, and you are not the only defender this place has against such threats, I promise you.

Well, at least I don't have to convince you demons even exist...

Thanks. Nice to know that someone's at least concerned. Better than being told "oh, but she's just our little Snowflake, she could never do anything wrong!". I hope you're right about the whole enlightenment thing - I've got somethign of a bias against demons, havign nearly been taken by one myself, and this whole business brings out the crazy paranoid bitch in me.

A.

Certainly not; I have killed too many to have any doubts in that regard. You have . . . spoken before, in your journal, of your mentor, this Dr. Strange? I would be curious to know if he has heard of Zz'ria Rinpoche or the monastery in which I grew up.

When I was very young, I was nearly used as a sacrifice to free an ancient evil, so I think I understand something of your bias. It was many years before I became rational on the subject, even with the best of help.

Strange drops by sometimes - next time he does, I'll mention it to you and maybe you can meet him. He concentrates on Asian mysticism, so it's possible he's come across this Rinpoche of yours.

...Oh. I didn't know that. Funny how things turn out - here I was thinking I was the only one. Thanks for telling me - it helps, lots.

A.

I would like that, I think. Thank you.

You are not the only one, no; it was a common enough story at the monastery, and I rescued a few children myself when the time came. If . . . you would ever like to talk, I often find myself with free time in the evenings.

I will. Drop by sometime. Not tonight - I'm giving into medical science and having Moira knock me out for the night.

Actually, you mentioned meditation drills at one point. Would you mind teaching me? I've got some I use, but it's getting harder to calm my mind down and I need that calm for the spell casting.

A.

I would be very pleased to do so--although wherever he is now, I am sure Zz'ria is laughing at the prospect. I was, shall we say, a less than tranquil youth, and he often despaired of me.

Hah. You really outght to talk to Strange - he sees having me as a student as some kind of karma. I get the impression he wasn't exactly a tranquil youth either, although I'm having trouble seeing him as a youth, let alone the less than tranquil part.

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