Email to Jake and Jubilee. CC'd to Doug.
Jul. 15th, 2009 09:05 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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xp_communicationTo: (Markerface), (Ticklish)
From: (Marie-Ange)
CC: (Doug)
Subject: The missing contents of our kitchen
Dearest Jake and Jubilee,
Under normal circumstances, I would be enacting revenge for the disappearance of literally every single piece of food in my and Doug's kitchen. However, since on waking this morning the sight of food would have been likely to cause uncontrollable vomiting, I shall instead thank you for giving me the necessary half an hour to consume a great deal of water before braving solids.
In return, I will not demand that you replace anything except Doug's jar of salsa, as that was homemade for him by Angelo's mother. I applaud your remarkable restraint, as you have both managed to go on longer than the initial agreement regarding the gifting of couches.
However, in the future, we are buying locks and an alarm for the pantry and refrigerator. I realize this may not actually stop you, but it is my hope that it will slow you down long enough for Doug or I to come out of our room and prevent the worst of the thievery.
With fondest regards,
Marie-Ange (and her recovering stomach)
From: (Marie-Ange)
CC: (Doug)
Subject: The missing contents of our kitchen
Dearest Jake and Jubilee,
Under normal circumstances, I would be enacting revenge for the disappearance of literally every single piece of food in my and Doug's kitchen. However, since on waking this morning the sight of food would have been likely to cause uncontrollable vomiting, I shall instead thank you for giving me the necessary half an hour to consume a great deal of water before braving solids.
In return, I will not demand that you replace anything except Doug's jar of salsa, as that was homemade for him by Angelo's mother. I applaud your remarkable restraint, as you have both managed to go on longer than the initial agreement regarding the gifting of couches.
However, in the future, we are buying locks and an alarm for the pantry and refrigerator. I realize this may not actually stop you, but it is my hope that it will slow you down long enough for Doug or I to come out of our room and prevent the worst of the thievery.
With fondest regards,
Marie-Ange (and her recovering stomach)
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Reply all
Date: 2009-07-15 05:54 pm (UTC)CC: [Too Hot]
From: [Innocent Face]
Subj: Re: The missing contents of our kitchen
My darling Marie-Ange,
Moi?
Best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Jake
Re: Reply all
Date: 2009-07-15 05:59 pm (UTC)CC: (Doug)
From: (Marie-Ange)
Subject: re: Re: The missing contents of our kitchen
You do remember that Doug has those internet cameras setup in our apartment that send us video on unapproved entry, yes? And that you burglarized our kitchen with your own face on? I think that if I wanted (and if your fingerprints were actually on record anywhere which I should hope they are not!!) I could dust the kitchen for prints. If I knew how to dust for prints.
I knew I should have asked Garrison to teach me to do that while we were dating. Oh well. Much too late now, I suppose.
~Marie-Ange
P.S. My stomach has recovered as much as it is going to. I have even managed to eat a salad. I left the olives in your bottom desk drawer. They smell.
Re: Reply all
Date: 2009-07-15 06:15 pm (UTC)CC: [Doug]
From: [Jake]
Subj: Re: re: Re: The missing contents of our kitchen
How do you know it wasn't Morgan? She's very clever and sneaky. And had all the time in the world to burgle your kitchen last night, whereas I was in Mark's apartment the whole time. There were witnesses. Maybe not you, since you and Doug appeared to be occupied in the bathroom at one point, but there were witnesses. I call to the stand 'Yana and that other girl (Jenny? Janie?) who were sitting on my chest for most of the evening.
Clearly you had a bit too much to drink last night.
Cheers,
Jake
ps Ooh, olives, my favorite! Next time you should leave them on the reports I'm compiling for Remy. He likes olives too.
pps You. And Garrison?
...Really?
Re: Reply all
Date: 2009-07-15 06:21 pm (UTC)CC: (Doug)
From: (Marie-Ange)
Subj: re: Re: re: Re: The missing contents of our kitc
Why would Morgan assist Jubilee in stealing and most likely consuming all of the food from our kitchen?
The brunette girl with the dress? That is Jennie. She has probability powers. I shall use this fact to segue into reminding you that you are the Most Likely Suspect for kitchen thievery.
~Marie-Ange
ps. It is odd, I like bleu cheese. I like olives. But bleu cheese stuffed olives make me feel ill.
pps. Yes. He has an interesting tattoo. He is also lying about anything he tells you about handcuffs or my falling off the bed.
ppps. Those were separate nights. The falling off the bed and the non-existent handcuffs, that is.
Re: Reply all
Date: 2009-07-15 07:00 pm (UTC)CC: [Doug]
From: [Jake]
Subj: Re: re: Re: re: Re: The missing contents of our k
I bet she did it to throw you off, because everyone would suspect me. Dastardly clever of that girl. No wonder Remy hired her.
Ah, yes, Jennie. She has a very bony butt. And just because I'm the Most Likely Suspect doesn't mean I did it.
Jake
ps They are a fairly pungent combination, aren't they?
pps ...I really didn't need to know that. You're good at this whole revenge thing.
pps ...Not that I'd know why you felt the need to get revenge, since you're clearly wrong about this whole food-thievery thing.