Email to Kyle

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [Potential Progeny]
From: [Maybe Bio-Dad]
Subject: So...

Kyle -

So, you know. I bought Molly a moose. Like, really bought it. Paid for it to be humanely caught and transported and checked and like. There was a stupid amount of paperwork. And then I paid for that mooseologist or whatever to come talk about safety for everyone before the Professor told me I failed at living in a place with kids.

And then there was this basically highly illegal/questionable transaction that took place with this friend of mine and this other friend and this sexy long-range sniper rifle.

Which really just amounts to me kind of saying maybe you shouldn't be freaking out so much about this magically disappearing loan thing.

- Wade

Comments

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [potentially gave me some dnas]
From: [[still confused]

Wait so.. .

dude, I don't know how to feel about this. I mean like on one hand what if you're not, and on the other hand like, it's my loan, right? i mean, I knew what I was getting into when I got the thing. things.

-Kyle

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [I Really Wanna Say Prodigal Son]
From: [Unconfusing]
Subject: RE: So...

Kyle -

Think about it like this - if I am, that's like over 20+ years of unpaid child support plus interest and your student loans are seriously only the tip of the iceberg that is that debt, okay? And if you're not, it's no big.

- Wade

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [you just like alliteration]
From: [nope still not sure what to say]

I mean, thank you is like, nto enough and dude, it's still like, tens of thousands of dollars here. I'm legit freaking out.

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [Pretty Platypus]
From: [It's Really Not That Hard (that's what he said)]
Subject: RE: So...

Kyle -

I bought a moose, dude. A moose. And a seriously awesome, long-range sniper rifle. Google those. Or don't, the government might put you on a watch list or something.

Stop freaking out. If I'm not and you're still bothered by it, you can pay me back later. I think that'd be kind of ridiculous, but if it'll make you feel better, we could do that.

- Wade

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [[Alliteration affectionado]]
From: [I can't spell affectionado]]

Yeah, but... it's like my debt. It makes me feel weird like to have someone just give me expensive stuff like college educations.

... why did you buy a sniper rifle?

wait don't answer that unless it's for something cool.

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [Unnecessarily Unnerved]
From: [I Can't Either]
Subject: RE: So...

Kyle -

I can understand and respect that. Believe me. But there's a chance here that I was a deadbeat dad, okay? And I know you don't know anything about me and my family history, but kid. I refuse to let something like that slide, alright - I am not going to shirk that and if I did it by accident, then I'm going to make up for it. It's a thing. An important thing.

It was for a girl. A hot girl. It was totally worth it, at the time. Sort of.

- Wade

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [I ran out of funny phrases]
From: [my spellchecker isn't helping]

You didnt' like... give my mom money yet did you/ Because I kinda havne't told her yet.

You bought a gun for a hot girl?

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [Ambiguous Amalgamation]
From: [Aficcionado - Because My Google-Fu Is Strong]
Subject: So...

Kyle -

Nah. We really gotta get on that test thing. I'm getting kinda twitchy. And if I owe your mom child support, I need to move some funds around or something.

Dude. Kyle. When a girl is looking at something the way this girl was looking at this rifle, you buy it for her and figure out how to pay for it later. Or bring way more cash to your shady transactions than you think you'll need just in case. Seriously.

- Wade