Texts to Warren

[xp-blackcat.livejournal.com]

[1] I figured it out; all I have to do is take out the doors to the two bedrooms, reduce a wall, and make giant French doors into my bedroom with attached walk-in closet/mini-office.

[2] I'm a genius. Painters etc coming on Monday, said could be done in less than a week.

[3] Let's go buy me a new living room set, this is hideous.

Comments

[xp-angel.livejournal.com]

Why do I think reconnecting with you is going to be very expensive....

So. New bedroom. New living room. New walls. What do I get out of this?

[xp-blackcat.livejournal.com]

We're spending my money, dumbfuck, not yours. You get to help me spend it. And get a free pass on painting.

[xp-angel.livejournal.com]

You always say the nicest things to me. We'll see who wins the credit card draw.

I could paint. I think. I'd have to do it naked though -- don't have old clothing.

[xp-blackcat.livejournal.com]

[1] You can buy me the bed. It'll be ironic.

[2] We'd have to put garbage bags over your wings tho. Naked garbage maaaan!

[xp-angel.livejournal.com]

(1/2) I'll tell my mother it's our marriage bed. She's still hoping for our engagement.

(2/2) Done and done. I'll pick you up later with your BMW.

[xp-blackcat.livejournal.com]

[1] NO DON'T

[2] Too late. My mother is now telling me something about it being about time and my withering eggs.

[xp-blackcat.livejournal.com]

[3]

[xp-angel.livejournal.com]

Yes. It is a cult. Worship my penis!


.....oh, I'm going to regret this but I'm laughing too hard to care.

[xp-blackcat.livejournal.com]

FUCK YOU SHE WON'T STOP TEXTING ME. You're buying me that couch, too.

[xp-angel.livejournal.com]

Anything for my beautiful fiancee.

And don't worry -- I made sure to tell my mother not to call yours. Shotgun wedding and all....

[xp-blackcat.livejournal.com]

Oh no, if you're marrying me you are MARRYING ME, asshole. I'm sending your mother swatches now...

[xp-angel.livejournal.com]

Are we playing chicken here, Hardy? Don't make me buy you diamonds...

[xp-blackcat.livejournal.com]

Wedding chicken! I'm already in Mother hell, I am taking you down with me. Also, I get diamonds. There is no lose here.

[xp-angel.livejournal.com]

If you disliked your mother like I dislike mine,you'd be enjoying yourself right now.

Diamonds. Bed. Couch. Renovations...I demand a night out with no less than two paparazzi moments.

[xp-blackcat.livejournal.com]

In what world would I enjoy being told that I'm soon going to be too old to spawn? IN WHAT WORLD? Your mother holds out hope, my mother knows better and sends me articles on how to keep a man.

I'll take your picture for my IG tomorrow when we pick out a couch. If you're good we can go crash something on Friday night.

[xp-angel.livejournal.com]

Isn't that how women joke with each other?

I knew you loved me. The car is in the driveway, fyi. I couldn't find a bow so there's a bottle of Cristal instead. Better get it before the kids do...

[xp-blackcat.livejournal.com]

Yes. Except for my mother. Who isn't joking.

You are so spoiled, she said, drinking a glass of gift champagne...

[xp-angel.livejournal.com]

Remember: it's uterUS, not uterYOU. Stop being selfish.

Bring me some.

[xp-blackcat.livejournal.com]

No uterus no opinion.

Looking for my robe. The hallway gets to see me in my pjs once again.