Jun. 2nd, 2014

[identity profile] x-dominion.livejournal.com
"OK, so a couple of things you'll likely need to know once you're awake. First, you threw up in your closet and not the bathroom. I'd suggest cleaning that up before it starts to harden or, you know, burn through the floor into the room below.

Second, I got a call from Sgt. Davis at the 17th Precinct. He's holding your underwear until I can pick it up today. Apparently, the drunk woman that gave the beat officer hers and what I can only assume are Jean's panties distinctly remembers you telling him that they needed to go to Agent Garrison Kane of the FBI because, and I quote, 'they're hot enough to be a major felony.

Finally, the guy in the cowboy boots that you apparently stapled your drunk bingo card to his forehead is declining to press charges due to the fact that there are several witnesses to him grabbing both of your asses. I should also point out that when I called him back, his attempts to remember the incident led to him immediately losing control of his bowels, crying to five minutes, and chanting 'I will not be a misogynist douchebag and touch women without their permission' while punching himself in the groin. Repeatedly.

All of that leads me to believe you had a fun night out. I put the painkillers next to the pot of coffee."
[identity profile] x-invisiblegirl.livejournal.com
300.5 You beat me by half a point!

How does that happen!

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