Letter to Jean-Paul
Aug. 31st, 2009 05:00 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
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For posterity's sake, the letter that Jake gave Jean-Paul in this log. Handwritten.
Jean-Paul,
I have spent my life as a coward and a cheat, and until recently it never occurred to me that I might want to be anything but. When given a choice, I've always chosen the less difficult path; when the potential for hurt exists, I've run screaming the other way. Sometimes literally. Okay, usually literally. And I was perfectly happy living like that--no attachments, no commitments, no serious relationships.
I am, truly, a fool.
In my foolishness, I've hurt you deeply, and I'm sorry for that. I listened to fear instead of hope, and I rejected the chances you gave me and the promises you offered because I was afraid to let myself believe that they might be true. No one's ever wanted me the way that you did. I didn't know how to handle the notion of someone wanting to be with me, wanting me to be with them, and I reacted badly. By which I mean, I really fucked up.
I've never tried to fix things like this before, so I don't really know how to go about trying to make things better, or even if that's possible. But even though I've given you no reason to believe otherwise, to me you're worth whatever it takes.
I'm sorry, Jean-Paul.
Jake
Jean-Paul,
I have spent my life as a coward and a cheat, and until recently it never occurred to me that I might want to be anything but. When given a choice, I've always chosen the less difficult path; when the potential for hurt exists, I've run screaming the other way. Sometimes literally. Okay, usually literally. And I was perfectly happy living like that--no attachments, no commitments, no serious relationships.
I am, truly, a fool.
In my foolishness, I've hurt you deeply, and I'm sorry for that. I listened to fear instead of hope, and I rejected the chances you gave me and the promises you offered because I was afraid to let myself believe that they might be true. No one's ever wanted me the way that you did. I didn't know how to handle the notion of someone wanting to be with me, wanting me to be with them, and I reacted badly. By which I mean, I really fucked up.
I've never tried to fix things like this before, so I don't really know how to go about trying to make things better, or even if that's possible. But even though I've given you no reason to believe otherwise, to me you're worth whatever it takes.
I'm sorry, Jean-Paul.
Jake