E-mail to Cammie

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Toxic Girl]
From: [Spatula Victim]
Subject: Dori

Actually, she sort of creeps me out so I don't really want to ask her. So does Turtle Bob. It's just sorta...off. The best friend is a rodent thing. Wow, that was rude. We'll pretend I didn't say that.

Comments

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

To: [You know you love it]
From: [Mistress of the Universe]
Subj: Re: Dori

It's not like you said it to her. The whole thing is creepy, but whatever. Maybe she doesn't have people friends. Like Tarzan or something. Raised by squirrels.

This is America. You're allowed to be creeped out by whoever creeps you out.

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Mistress of Pain]
From: [Vanilla Flavor]
Subject: RE: Dori

I thought she was raised by Californians? It's sort of the same. I mean, they eat a lot of stuff that looks like bird seed.

I am, but it's still sort of rude to say it out loud. I mean, she's really nice. Until she starts to talk to the squirrel. Then I just sort of want to inch away slowly so she doesn't notice.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

To: [Lickable]
From: [She who owns you]
Subj: Re: Dori

Yeah, see, raised by squirrels. It explains everything really.

Then you may say anything you want here and I won't even put it on the ineterwebs.

...She talks to her squirrel? WTF.

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Girl who doesn't value her tongue]
From: [The Great Unlickable]
Subject: RE:Dori

You didn't know she talked to her squirrel? Darn, that sounds a lot more dirty than it should have. Gross, she's like 15. anyway, yeah, she talks to him. And they are bestest best buddies EVAR. It's weird. That's bad coming from me, boy with fiddler crab as life partner. Until it dies in like 6 months or a year or whatever.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

To: [Just likes to lick things]
From: [Will one day be licked]
Subj: Re: Dori

Dude, that's fucked up. How is it you can even talk to a squirrel anyway? They're evil and annoying. And no, I didn't. I don't play with the kids.

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Mentally Unstable]
From: [Doom Cloud MoFo]
Subject: RE: Dori

It's like her mutation or something? I don't know. But she talks to it. And it chirps back at her. And then they go have happy rodent times in the trees together. Wow...so wrong.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

To: [So Tasty]
From: [Likes Tasty Things]
Subj: Re: Dori

That's the weirdest mutation ever. And I think you sound like your suggesting some sort of porn. Rule 34, Kevvy, RULE 34!!!!

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Gimpy Girl]
From: [Tastes like Decomposing Chicken]
Subject: RE: Dori

34....no beastiality? Or is that the no underage beastiality? I get those two confused sometimes.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

To: [Tastes like things I like]
From: [Awesome, not gimped. Awesome.]
Subj: Re: Dori

Rule 34 states: There is porn of it, no exceptions. So I'm sure somewhere? There is squirrel porn, just because you and I have conceived of it here it exists in some darkened corner of the interwebs.

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Convict Waiting to Happen]
From: [Convict that Has Happened]
Subject: RE: Dori

That's...disturbing. I mean what could squirrel porn really involve? It's not like you could really train one to eat you out or something. And even if you did they have teeth. I assume they're sharp. Not the best plan ever.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

To: [Convicted of being spankable]
From: [Will never get caught]
Subj: Re: Dori

...Great, now I'm going to be wasting some of my precious, precious bleach to wash my brain with.

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Overconfident]
From: [Smug]
Subject: RE: Dori

I see that my job here is done.