Email to Vanessa

[x-lexington.livejournal.com]

From: Lex
To: Vanessa
Subject: Did you really have to do that?

Vanessa,

I don't really know what to say to you right now. I thought I made it clear that everything was for you to enjoy, but did you really have to return it all? If that is how you are treating this then all that I can ask is that you don't throw out the other gifts I gave you, they are yours to do with as you please but if you felt anything regarding me then please just hold onto them. Put them in a box, lock them away somewhere - I don't rightly care - but if you choose to get rid of them then give them back to me so that I may put them in a safe place to keep my memories of us alive.

Sincerest regards,
Lex

Comments

[x-copycat.livejournal.com]

To: Lex
From: Vanessa
Subject: re: Did you really have to do that?

Lex,

All I did was get you reimbursed for tickets and reservations you made for stuff we were supposed to do together on Valentine's Day. It wasn't right to do any of that stuff alone or with someone else when the intent was for us to do it as a couple. And we're not one anymore. I don't intend to get rid of anything else, but I didn't want the tickets and reservations to essentially be a waste of your money since they wouldn't get used.

I'm not sure what you were expecting me to do there, though. My boyfriend did a really sweet, wonderful thing but he isn't my boyfriend anymore and it's wrong to do anything other than get him reimbursed for all that stuff he put forth the effort to set up. I can't give you back the time it took you to set it up but I can get you your money back.

Nessa

[x-lexington.livejournal.com]

To: Vanessa
From: Lex
Subject: re: re: Did you really have to do that?

I suppose that makes sense. I would have been happy if you had gone with Jean and enjoyed the gift I gave you, but I appreciate that you thought it would be right to give me the money back. Hopefully your Valentine's Day was fun, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the week. Sorry for being curt, but I don't really know what to say to you anymore.

Take care of yourself,
Lex

[x-copycat.livejournal.com]

To: Lex
From: Vanessa
Subject: re: Did you really have to do that?

The curtness is fine. Break ups are awkward and we've been prominent in one another's lives. Walking away from that is sort of strange and when you can't interact the way you're used to interacting it makes all interaction hard to figure out. I'm not really expecting you to talk to me much at all for some time. But it would nice to get my friend back somewhere down the line if/when you're ready for something like that. Things didn't work out for us in a relationship but it would suck more if our friendship got included in the all-or-nothing.

And I spent the night working, actually. Valentine's brings out the infidelity cases.

Nessa

[x-lexington.livejournal.com]

To: Vanessa
From: Lex
Subject: re: re: Did you really have to do that?

You've never lost your friend, and you never will. I don't know how long it will take, or when it will happen, but you can count on me to be around. You seem strangely comfortable with this new arrangement, which makes this more difficult on me but I promise I'm working on understanding what happens now.

Sucks that you had to work. I hope anyone dumb enough to cheat on someone on your watch got what they deserved.

Miss you a lot,
Lex

[x-copycat.livejournal.com]

To: Lex
From: Vanessa
Subject: re: Did you really have to do that?

I'm glad to hear that. You were always a brilliant mate.

I'm very good at moving on. I had to be in my former lines of work. There's a lot of compartmentalizing that goes on there. I cope in my way and I keep my inner turmoil as inner as I can. I suppose some of it is out of sight, out of mind. It's easier to not dwell when I'm not confronted with too many reminders on a daily basis. I flirt and have drinks with friends and have platonic cuddling time overnight. It's my way.

In some ways I feel worse for hurting you than anything else. I think I mentally prepared myself months ago for our relationship to end. I think I accepted it and came to terms with it and it just didn't happen when I expected it to. But I hadn't prepared for the sucker punch in the gut that was hurting you.

I'm certainly not past everything with us. I'm not over you or our relationship. I won't be looking to be involved with anyone for a while. I'll flirt a lot in the meantime because it's fun and fun keeps me happier and I can be a real bitch when I'm unhappy. Or I can crawl into a bottle, apparently, since that's what I did Friday night. And one day I'll just realize I've actually moved on and none of it sends pangs of hurt through me. Maybe that'll be sooner than you'd like it to be, but I can't control that part.

Unfortunately I have to be a professional so cutting off the balls of all the cheating bastards wasn't in the cards. But they all got dumped insofar as I know.

Miss you, too.
Nessa

P.S. I do wear the bracelet.

[x-lexington.livejournal.com]

To: Vanessa
From: Lex
Subject: re: re: Did you really have to do that?

I suppose you have to do what you have to do. I've never been good at moving on, and honestly I don't really want to move on from you. I can't really say anything against you flirting with everyone, but don't expect me to like it - please don't do it in front of me. You deserve to be happy and you know that I want you to do whatever gives you joy, just don't expect me to be openly happy about it.

Anyway, take care of yourself. I need to go do some more work on the training program I've been working on. It's a bitch and half but the perfected version looks like it might be just what I need to have my powers grow.

Lex

[x-copycat.livejournal.com]

To: Lex
From: Vanessa
Subject: re: Did you really have to do that?

I'll do my best to keep it away from you. I can forget who all could be reading when on the journals, but I'll honestly try.

Good luck with your program.

Nessa