E-Mails to Wade and Angel

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO]
From: [MN1]
Subject: Hens

Uh, who do you think the hens are? Because I don't think you have the right assumption on that one. (Though I'll be sort of scared if you have the wrong rooster, too)

To: [Angel]
From: [Kevin]
Subject: HELP!

I need someone to help me decode girl-speak. Will you help me? Pretty, pretty please? Because I am pretty sure I will manage to get my hand cut off if I pick the wrong decoded message.

Kevin

Comments

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


Laura and the blonde one who kept asking me why I was talking about milkshakes and whose name I never really got. I'm sort of rooting for Meggan, though, if I'm being totally honest. I have a feeling she's still stuck a couple streets away from your yard, though.

E-mail to Wade

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO}
From: [MN1]
Subject: Re: Hens

Amara? Amara is not in the yard. At all. She's like across the street and waves but she's got someone in her yard already and mostly we just like waving and sharing sugar. (I think that metaphor got away from me but possibly is still applicable.)

I don't think Meggan is anywhere near my neighborhood. And I'd rather not deal her her nosy, high and mighty sister who is all about her friendly threats even if Meggan was anywhere near my yard. She gets no yard privileges.

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


Totally still applicable. You're like friendly neighbors. Not the Desperate Housewives kind of neighbors. And you're definitely not like the mailman.

It's not Meggan's fault her sister's high and mighty and nosy and all kinds of other unflattering adjectives. Except for 'hot.' Her sister's kind of hot. In a very British sort of way. Point being, don't revoke Meg's yard privs just because of her sister. That's unfair. And basically cutting your own nose off to spite your face.

E-mail to Wade

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO]
From: [MN1]
Subject: Re: Hens

No, not the mailman.

I have a friend who got like 12 levels of benefit-y the other night with me. I've got a girl who is freaked out that she wants me who there are obvious, eventual intentions with. I have a guy I'm in love with who a relationship with right now is just a bad idea. I do not need anyone else in my yard. Even if they are sort of really cute and sweet and I kinda have a weakness for that. Because, yeah, I've got all those other people around plus I'm a flirt, plus her sister apparently thinks I'm the manwhore Monet wants to believe I am. Not worth the headache or the hassle. At all. Ever.

And I like my balls staying attached.

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


Does it help if I say my number one priority, once I'm no longer cancerous, is to make sure your balls stay attached?

Also, still rooting for Minion Number Two and Minion Number One to get cutesy together. What can I say, I like happy endings.

E-mail to Wade

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO]
From: [MN1]
Subject: Re: Hens

Only very very slightly. Amanda is a) a witch, b) a spy. No, I am not reassured about the attachment of my balls more than very very slightly if she thinks I'm even looking at her sister with thoughts of kissing her or even, like, holding her hand. Because then I would be down a hand, too. Or it would turn into a marshmallow or something.

I think Hen #1 would be less happy about that union.

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


I'm not saying, I'm just saying. I think your balls are well protected.

Who's Hen #1?

E-mail to Wade

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO]
From: [MN1]
Subject: Re: Hens

I think you are very optimistic.

Laura is Hen #1

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


You doubt the Benevolent Overlord's abilities to keep his word and protect your balls? Dude.

Then who's Hen #2?

E-mail to Wade

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO]
From: [MN1]
Subject: Re: Hens

I doubt anyone to protect me from the raging, irrational need to protect someone from me. 'Cause, you know, I am so the guy you need to keep your kid sister away from.

Um...I guess technically it's Jan, actually. But I think that was like a one night only appearance as a hen.

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


In all seriousness, if anybody comes at you with intent to deball, I will intercept and damage them. I meant what I said about protecting my minions.

E-mail to Wade

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO]
From: [MN1]
Subject: Re: Hens

Because you really think that I'd have enough time to go for help if Amanda was hell bent on destroying my manhood because she thought I looked at Meggan with intent?

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


I really think, if she's as witchy as all that, I could at least make her grow them back.

Tangentially, I'm proud to say my balls are one thing I've never had to grow back. A kidney? Yes. Some fingers? Sure. Never my balls. Thank God.

E-mail to Wade

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO]
From: [MN1]
Subject: Re: Hens

You've probably just jinxed yourself. Next time you lose an appendage? Totally your balls.

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


Probably. But at least mine will grow back!

E-mail to Wade

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO]
From: [MN1]
Subject: Re: Hens

Rub it in why don't you?

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


Rub a dub dub, little duckies in a tub.

E-mail to Wade

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO]
From: [MN1]
Subject: Re: Hens

Sometimes you scare me

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


Only sometimes? Obviously I'm doing something wrong.

E-mail to Wade

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO]
From: [MN1]
Subject: Re: Hens

You could be looking at a minion loss if you do it right, then. Do you really want that?

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


Why're you always pulling that card on me?

E-mail to Wade

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO]
From: [MN1]
Subject: Re: Hens

Who voluntarily minionizes for like the scary dude who you think is nuts and possibly totally unstable? He could go from a BO to an MO and then try to cannibalize his minions or something. I think it's a valid point. Scary Overlord is totally not the way to go to keep minions unless you want to recruit new, psychotic minions to the fold.

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


I'm not scary in a bad way, though. And cannibalism is against my personal credo.

E-mail to Wade

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO]
From: [MN1]
Subject: Re: Hens

I don't think there's such a thing as being scary in a good way. (I'm so anti-being cannibalized.)

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


Sure there is. There's scary smart. Scary funny. Scary brave. Scary anything.

You do strike me as the kind of guy who likes to eat. Though I've heard being eaten can be quite pleasurable.

E-mail to Wade

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO]
From: [MN1]
Subject: Re: Hens

That's like misappropriation of the word, though. It doesn't count.

I do like to eat and being eaten can be fun, sure, but it doesn't change that I like eating more.

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


It totally counts. Language changes all the time. You have to change with it or you get stuck using phrases like, "Where art thou?"

There are so many places I could go with that. But I think it's Netflix time.

E-mail to Wade

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO]
From: [MN1]
Subject: Re: Hens

Misappropriation, do not want!

Does your little trashcan know you're cheating on it with netflix?

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


Do whop - do do do do whop - diddly dop bob do whop...

The trashcan and I have an open sort of relationship. And Netflix is really great in bed.

E-mail to Wade

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [BO]
From: [MN1]
Subject: Re: Hens

Watch out, I totally understand how that situation can get outta hand quickly.

Email to Kevin

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

To: [MN1]
From: [BO]
Subject: RE: Hens


I'll be fine. The trashcan's got a thing going with the tape.

[x-firestar.livejournal.com]

To [K-Man]
From: [A-Dawg]
Subject: Re: HELP!

What've you gotten yourself into now?! You'd think you'd be smooth as butter with the girls considering the other night. Unless it went horribly wrong but you didn't sound like it.

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Yoda]
From: [Confused]
Subject: Re: HELP!

Nah, the other night was fine. It just complicated stuff that's already complicated.

So, a couple months ago Jean-Paul and I broke up, right? Only we basically did it because we both are busy with other stuff and a relationship with each other is not what works for us right now. So, well, not much changed other than the "in a relationship" part.

And then comes Laura who decided to be crazy and actually like me instead of just flirting with me and freaking out if I flirted back. She knows about Jean-Paul and he knows about her and it's fine. There's, like, intent with Laura for later but she's sorta freaked out over liking me and I don't want another relationship yet so it's in that "going slow, scenic drive" kind of phase which is fine.

And then Jan shows up at my door when Laurie's air scrubber breaks. You can probably do the math on that.

So, everyone knows what is up, who is where and has already agreed to an open, non-exclusive kind of thing, right? I told Laura about the thing with Jan and she eventually asked if anything was going to happen with me and Jan again. So I asked if it would be a problem if something did and Laura said something about being a huge hypocrite if she used the "I'm jealous" card and was all "it's fine if she wants the same deal we have and you do too...I guess." So I'm guessing that means she doesn't want anything else to happen with me and Jan, right?

Okay, so thing is she's got weird commitment issues and is all freaked out over the fact that she, like, likes me and doesn't want to just have a one night stand with me or whatever. I told her if she didn't want anything else happening with Jan then I would make sure it didn't. (Monday night? totally randomly. I had no idea Jan had lusty feelings for me. And I'm not actually planning on anything happening with her again, I was just trying to cover bases, for the record.) But she refused to say no even though I think she wants to say no because it implies commitment she's not ready for and I should just do what I "think is best."

So, okay, that really does mean she only wants to share with Jean-Paul, right? Because that's where I'm coming down. But, is she going to be mad or something if I go forward with a whole "Just Laura and Jean-Paul" policy? I mean, she didn't ask me to and it's not like implied relationship since, hi, Jean-Paul still. But, yeah. I'm not sure if this is one of those things where it sounds like a girl doesn't want you to do something but will get mad if you don't do it or what. So, um, help?

[x-firestar.livejournal.com]

To: [Sittin' Pretty in that Basket]
From: [Far Too Amused]

Okay, dude, I seriously think that's got to be the most you've ever said to anyone at any time. Ever. If you'd said that in person, you probably would have fainted.

But anyway. Damn, boy, what have you landed yourself in?

To be honest, I'm not sure. Laura and I aren't, you know, close, and not all girls act the same way. Hover, that's sort of an ... interesting? situation you've got yourself into. It could be that she likes you enough that she's willing to go along with whatever so that she can keep with you.

Especially if she's not sure what she wants or an actual relationship sort of freaks her out.

So I think my advice is to go reaaaaaaaally carefully. I don't think you can really count the other night as Official since there was massive meddling due to powers. The Jan and you stuff - well, if it happens again, that's totally different.

And you need to be careful, too. What if you start to fall for one of them but are still, well, crazy about Jean-Paul? You're looking at a world of hurt not just for them but for yourself.

Also, when did I become the dating expert? This must be some bizarre voodoo land ...

Angel

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Most Sane Girl I know]
From: [Hip Deep]

You're the only girl I figured I could ask who wouldn't just really annoyingly tease me while not being helpful at all. And you're mostly sane, so that's useful. (And I do talk, maybe you just talk so much that I don't talk a lot with you. :P )

Jean-Paul's got a person who might be serious. He and I...it's complicated. I don't know if I can explain it properly but I don't think the problem is ever going to be us or hurt feelings between us or whatever. We've got our stuff pretty well figured out. Yeah, we love each other but staying together wasn't the answer because it wasn't what we need. If each other is what we need down the line then we figure it out then.

I got the carefully thing. I'm just not sure which carefully I'm supposed to be doing. Guys are easier, they either say what they mean or you don't need to worry about it. (Actually, Jay was sort of a girl half the time.)

As for Jan and the Officialness...uh you really can't blame that. No one made her show up at my door. No one made me let her in. No one made us do anything. We wanted to, and yeah, part of that was the hormone jump from the pheromone bleed but the rest of it was us. I am not willing to blame my actions on Laurie's powers. I could have kicked Jan out, said no, etc. I didn't. It probably would have gone down differently without the powers bleed, but I am pretty confident in saying it would have happened if she came at me that directly anyway.

I'm not really willing to jeopardize stuff with Laura is I guess what it comes down to. I know I want her and I know when she stops freaking out about commitment and I'm in a place where I want one again that she's the one I'm going to want. It just sort of seems like I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't, you know? If Jan wants to be all friends with benefits or something I can say no, but then Laura might get mad at me for it because it's like implied commitment to her. If I say yes she could get mad at me because it implies I don't want her as much or something. Bah!

[x-firestar.livejournal.com]

To: [Sinking Fast]
From: [Seriously? That's sad]

Oh, trust me, I'm saving this up for when you're not floundering in it. :D Also, thhhhhhhbt.

And, yeah, that's true. Miss Thang's powers were just sort of the catalysis, I guess. But then we get into that whole headache of if Jan would have been that forward, etc etc etc, and I prefer not to think of my friends winding up in Sexy Time, thanks.

So, Kevin, seriously - is a fling with Jan worth Laura? I mean, Sexy Time must be fun and all of that but, you know. If you know you want Laura and you know you're going to have this thing with JP until you're both old and grey (EW EW EW), why complicate it with Jan?

I seriously don't think Laura's going to care if you turn Jan down. I mean, seriously, all you need to tell Laura is that you'd prefer to not get this any more complicated than it might need to be. Adding a third person to whatever you're doing now sounds like juggling porcupines who are holding chainsaws.

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Girl with Sanity Pants]
From: [Doomed]

You're so mean to me.

I don't like chainsaws. You lose a limb and there's blood everywhere and then the police show up. It's messy.

And no, it's not worth it. I don't even know if it's something I need to worry about, even. It might never come up again. I'm probably just complicating it more because I want to be prepared if stuff comes up.

But, seriously, girls are crazy. It's totally obvious to me that I shouldn't do anything with anyone who isn't Laura or Jean-Paul, but I want to make sure girl crazy won't somehow get pissed about that since she was all "you should do what you want." Especially since this totally goes both ways. She isn't exactly not doing things with other guys. See? Complicated!