E-Mail to Kyle

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Muppet Yoda]
From: [Zombie Girl]
Subject: That Wade dude

So, oh wise one, can you please explain to me what the fuck is up with that Wade dude coming in and being a douche in my journal? He acts like I fucking massacred Matt or like mocked him for not being able to read street signs or some shit. I do not get what his problem is. Yeah, I blew up his spot when he was all "I looked bad ass" but I wasn't even being a bitch. I was mostly joking. I mean, okay, he totally didn't look bad ass and you really shouldn't let people go on thinking shit that ain't true because then they get all confident and shot down in epic ways and it is all. fucking. bad. And usually by people who are actually trying to be mean. But that wasn't even what I was doing. If it was then my end of that would've gone way different.

So anyway, can you please explain to me what the epic stick up that dude's ass is? Especially when I don't even know him behind having some pictures of him thinking he's a cowboy and knowing he's partly the reason why everyone went crazy on Saturday?

-Lay

Comments

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Zombie Girl? Ew, gross.]
From: [Muppet Jayne or something]

You want the real answer or the one I'd really give if you weren't a kid and I wasn't supposed to be like, an adult and crap?

Real answer - dude's overprotective kinda, and has some funky old-fashioned stuff going on, and sometimes he like, over reaches -and- Matt got like threatened hazing by this two-man douchecanoe that used to live here named Jared. no real hazing, just Jared being a jackass but I think Wade got twitchy or some shit.

Answer I'd give if you weren't 16 - sack up and just ignore him and get over it because this isn't the last time people are gonna get weird about folks who know each other having like play insult wars. Easier to just say "K, whatevs." and ignore it.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [There is no way to butch up "Jayne"]
From: [You want me to call myself Jesus instead?]

Shouldn't the real answer be the same one you'd give me if I wasn't 16? Anyway, I will pretend it makes more sense then it does. Just because I like you so much.

He said something about hazing but, dude, painting everyone with the same brush is so not cool. And assuming the worst of me instead of going "hey, it kinda looks to me like you're being a douche like this other person was" is totally not helpful, you know? I mean, whatever, I'm used to people assuming shit about me because of how I dress or because I skate or because I swear like a god damn sailor, but I didn't think I was gonna get laid into by some old dude with no tact who thinks he's someone's father or father stand in or whatever.

I'll ignore him. I mean, it's kinda hard because he's all up in my journal telling me how immature I am while making stupid assumptions about me. Like, how is he being mature? Wouldn't being mature be something like "hey, this is what it looks like, is that what you meant?" and doing it, like, privately?

Whatever. Like I said, I'll try to ignore him.

You were in that healing thing that English was doing, right? She said people in it need food and stuff. You want me to bring you food? It would ensure I ignore old dude instead of festering and getting bitchier about it. :)

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Lady Jesus]
From: [Well I ain't a girl!]

How fast do you TYPE anyway? Jesus. Not how fast do you type, Jesus, btw, because I can't figure out how to girlify Jesus. Whose name wasn't Jesus anyway it was Joshua or something only spelled different

ANYWAY. Yeah, I was all Healing Things, it was boring. I read a book and slept and that's been like my whole day. Read, eat, nap, give out candy, eat apples. Food would rock because my really important candy eating is totally being interuppted by stuff like being allergic to chocolate and random naps.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Joe...it sounds manlier]
From: [Healer of the Dead]

Me? Kinda fast. I'm actually on my phone. I'm using it to not sound like a girl during the gross parts of the movies me and Sarah are watching. You can girlify Joshua to Jocelyn. Or try for Josephine because Joseph is sorta close to Joshua? I dunno. Can I be Lady Death for simplicity?

Duuude, allergy to chocolate blows. What kinda food do you want? Like I said, I'm with Sarah right now but I'm also pretty fucking peeved at the old dude and she kinda seems sorta...sensitive? Like not that she would get upset but she would get sad that I was pissed off and I don't wanna like have her all sad. I suck with sad girls. So, you know, going 'hey, Yoda needs food, I'll be right back' and then like chilling out with you for a minute or whatever would be awesome.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Super JesusGirl!]
From: [Shoeless Joe]

Miss Frost calls me Shoeless Joe. I should really stop calling her Miss Frost but it's just hard to be like not super polite to her or something.

Lady Death sounds like you'd be like a harbringer of death or something.

It sucks. I miss Oreos. I want things made of at leat 50% dead meaty thing. I was gonna say mammal but then I remembered I like chicken and fish and gator's not bad either.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Joe of the Jungle]
from: [JesusGirl!]

It's because of her secondary mutation. We decided this. Ms Frost has this burgeoning secondary mutation that compels people to be shoeless around her. Only you're particularly susceptible which is why you're always shoeless dude. For real, we have science on our side. Made up science, but still!

Um...if Anita Blake didn't turn into such a slut we could have worked with that. The Reanimator? It makes me sound like a zombie raising terminator.

Uh...do we have gator in the fridge downstairs? 50% meaty dead things...so like burgers and steaks and chicken wings and stuff? I can probably scrounge or make that.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [I ran out of funny jesus superhero names for you]
From: [You know I HAVE A codename, right?]

Except I was shoeless before I met her... I just hate shoes.

I don't know who that is? Crap, did I miss like some evil mutant who does something with the dead? SHIT.

I have no idea. I know we have chicken and fish so I didn't wanna be like all exclusive to mammal eatings.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [No...is it for the Kitty Superhero gig?]
From: [Walks on Water]

You're ruining the mystique here, Yoda! You always burst my bubbles. That's so wrong.

No. Well, I don't think you did. It's a book series. Anita Blake is the protagonist and she's kind of bad ass in the beginning. She raises zombies legally and is a vampire hunter even though she's way out classes by vampires because of the whole speed and strength thing. But she does it anyway even though she's always shit scared. Which is why she's such a bad ass. But eventually she turned into kind of a giant fucking ho and it was more about her fucking everyone than being a bad ass. Or about her men she was fucking saving her ass. Lame.

So I will make you hot wing fish sandwiches or something. :)

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Food Whore]
From: [Sacking up]

Uh...can you like text me when Wade is gone? Because I don't think me sacking up and ignoring him is gonna go that well if I show up with food for you and he's like right there

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Wuo de ma]
From: [Wildchild]

that's what I do, ruin mystique. well really Jan did, ruined her with electricity right in the face. It was so badass.

That sounds like that Twilight crap only not as bad and more porny. Don't tell anyone I said porn in an email to someone not 18 though.

hot wing fish sandwihches sounds AWESOME.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Loaves and FISHES]
From: [cooler codename than youuuu]

He's gotta hobble so if you're gonna drop off and then woosh it's cool otherwise I will text.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

From: [Eh, you can do better]
To: [The internet says it Wo de ma but I like it]

I am so confused suddenly

I never saw the word porn. Just corny. Yep, that's what I'm sticking to. And kinda, I guess? Only way more violent and not nearly as lame. It got lame but it wasn't all "oh wah I'm so angsty for no reason and like a vampire." God, I wanted to fucking kill that chick for the whole five minutes I tried to read that book. And then I burned it. It was cathartic, okay?

If I made you one then you have to eat it. I will take the meat off the bones of the wings, obviously.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

From: [Man-o-Disposal]
From: [Purveyor of exotic sammiches]

I might need to do like heating or legit cooking things so it could take a minute. If he hobbles before I am there send warning text. Ovens have a "warm" option for a reason.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [I can't make my computer make chinese characters so I hadda guess]
From: [no, that's totally what it is. I like it.]

Mystique's one of those crazy people we fight as superheros. She's blue, lizardy, a shapeshifter and a total bitch. Jan electricityied her in the FACE.

lame. I'll re-read Jurassic Park for the 8th time instead.

... you'r enot supposed to eat the bones for wings? shit. I've been doing it wrong this whole itme.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Purveyor is a great word]
From: [EAT ALL THE THINGS!]

I will warn. Warning is an option. I can totally do that.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Fine, fine, you can keep Wildchild]
From: [Fair enough, but I'm keeping the name]

Oooh. Rock on Jan. I'm not sure who she is or if I'm supposed to know but that's kinda awesome. Bitchy lizard people are never cool. They give lizards a bad name.

Slightly related...I think I can take a punch but I'm not sure I can throw one right. Would you teach me while you teach me flippy thing? (Totally have bruise, btw, from that time I fell and didn't hit the mat totally on Friday) Would anyone be mad if you did? I could ask Mister Hamster Man instead, I guess. He seems alright. For a teacher type.

Don't blame you.

Um...I don't think you're supposed to. They're all hard and pokey and swallowing is an issue. Do you like chomp bones into little pieces? 'Cause that's kinda disturbing.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Hence Man-o-Disposal...Disposal Man just seemed gross]
From: [It is my new favorite word along with burgeoning...I is learn-ed]

Awesome!

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [it's a great name!]
From: [Good cause changing is risky.]

I mean, Marius tried to change his himself and he ended up with _emplate, which is totally him but ridic.

Jan is my ex-girlfriend. She has wings and electricity. She teaches cooking and is super like chipper. You'd HATE HER. Or love her. idk.

Lex or Cal should be hitting that sometime soon in the self-defense classes soon but I can show you sure. Easy-peasy macaronicheesy. They're pretty chill shouldn't get mad if you know stuff already.

Don't not hit the mat. That hurts.

Dude have you SEEN my teeth? I have a lot of jaw muscle. I can, bite through stuff. uh... yeah, I crunch up bones. Bone marrow's tasty.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [WC]
From: [WdM]

What the fuck is an emplate? Wait, is there supposed to be a _ there before it? Why is there a _?

Ooooh, is she the one who made the post about like cupcakes and stuff? Chipper people can be hit or miss. No one is that chipper all the time so they always seem mad fake to me. Even if they aren't faking it at the time.

Awesome. Class is...meh. I mean, I get why doing it in groups is useful and stuff but I don't always learn shit that well in groups like that. Practice, sure, but actual learning? Sometimes there's a focus problem. And not like an I'm bored focus problem or some BS ADD thing. Just, you know, there's a lot to watch or something. I dunno. Anyway, having you teach me would be really useful.

It's not like I did it on purpose!

Okay, upping the disturbing quotient here. And no, I haven't seen your teeth. Okay, I've like seen them but I don't stare at them or fixate or something. I don't have a tooth fetish. Or a jaw muscle fetish.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [WdM is a good name]
From: [WC is like watercloset though so maybe not so good]

It's a broken template, which is what Marius is. He copies powers, but he was broken for a while and I dunno, he broke something and decided Emplate worked for him.

Yep. That's her. She's like that almost all the time except when she's like zapping Mystique.

It's part so you can practice on people of different sizes and shapes cause like, trying to um, chicken wing like ... Korvus would be like totally different than like, Megan. I'm not even sure you CAN chicken wing someone with wings and part so you guys don't go all OMG CAN'T HITS GIRLS because laaaaame. LAME. LAMEO LAME.

Anyway, yeah, I'll get a heavy bag out for you and we can like tape a face to it. Who do you hate that's like a celebrity I can print out a face of from the internet?

more mats next time. Maybe the super squishy one.

Dude, five of my six ends are pointy! foot foot hand hand head, but not butt. no pointy butt. Kurt has a pointy butt though. well a tail anyway. I have a disturbing mutation sort. I grow back toes and can bite through at least beef ribs. so yeah, I kinda munch on chicken wings wrong. It bugs my mom.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [WldChld? Too long. WiildC?]
From: [It's like Weapons of destructive Mass or something]

Okay. So that makes sense. Kinda weird but makes sense. So he just like borrows people's powers? Like poof now he's got your stuff? Cool.

Is she legit perky or like perky to cover up what's really going on? I dunno, I think I have personality clash with too much perky usually.

Yeah, see, for practice I think it's fine. But for learning the actual technique initially? Eh, I don't like it. I'd rather learn it and then practice with people. 'Cause if you fuck it up people can get hurt and shit and that's not on. And, dude, yeah. But when someone gets his ass handed to him by a chick who is a bad ass then he'll change his mind about not being able to hit girls. 'Cause, dude, I don't hit people unless I wanna hurt them. If they won't hit me back that's fine by me. But when I have to beat the shit out of some chick trying to beat the shit outta my friend? I am less accepting.

I don't really hate celebrities. Some of them are really lame or stupid. Like Bieber. Or his girlfriend with the funny forehead. But I don't think I hate any of them. hate requires more energy than I'm willing to devote to people I don't like.

Or maybe just more mats going wider out? It was the whole get thrown in the air and end up going like off to the side that probably fucked up my landing so you know. But I wouldn't say no to the super squishy one, because that would be stupid.

I have no pointy ends. This makes me sad. I mean, I could file my nails into points but that would be really inconvenient when I have an inch and gouge a strip of flesh outta my arm by accident, you know? Well...if you really like bone marrow I can, like, adapt or something. I get why it would bug your mom 'cause it totally seems wrong. But whatever, people like weird shit, right?

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Weapons of Mass Zombies?]
From: [Kyle only has 4 letters]

Sorta. Marius' poewr is complicated and um, not quite like poof exactly. You should ask him how his powers work but be wrned he ate a dictionary once.

Legit perky most of the time, actually.

That's a legit way to learn. Tell Cal and Lex, they'll accomodate. Some people need to see or hav eit explained to learn, some people gotta do a thing to learn it, it's all valid. I'm a do-er and a listener, but not a watch-er.

Or whatever. I just like taping faces to the heavy bag and hitting it, it's funny.

More mats. I should've gotten the second one out but I didn't think you'd go off to the side there. squishy one's good for learning to do forward falls anyway.

I like all kinds of weird stuff, like raw eggs. well just yolks. whites are gross.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [so does Yoda]
From: [Mass Zombies of Destruction!]

Because part of his mutation requires him to literally consume knowledge and somewhere in the digestion process it gets absorbed into his bloodstream and shoots into his brain?

That's kinda scary. I bet she's a hugger.

I'm so not a watcher. Like, with physical stuff I just need to do it. I'm not really scared of getting hurt. I mean, getting hurt sucks sometimes but whatever, pain is a really good way to remember not to do something a certain way. In non-physical stuff I'm a listener and a writer I guess? Like I take notes and I remember shit. I'll try to remember to talk to Mister Hamster Man and Callisto. (It is really weird that she has no last name, for the record)

You can pick somehow who is a total asshole. Like that lizardy bitch person. It's important to teach me not to hit people because they annoy me and hit them instead because they're evil. Or something.

Lesson learned: I am incapable of falling in a straight line. oooh, so I get to faceplant in the squishy thing? Awesome. That is way better than when I faceplant on concrete sometimes. Graceful I am not.

Is that like a weird protein shake type thing you do? It seems gross. And slimy. I don't do slimy shit well.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Destroction of Massive Zombies!]
From: [Kyoda? Kyloda?]

Yes. That's exactly how it works. Seriously.

She's, um... yeah. a hugger.

Yeah, you're probably a copy-er but not a copier. People who listen/write notes to learn school stuff but have to repeat for physical are copy-ers. It's like a Venn Diagram Overlap Thing.

I have lots of evil people pictures to use.

Sometimes I just dip toast in it.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Koda? Yodle? I like Yodle]
From: [Destroction isn't a word]

Uh-huh, sure.

I don't do huggers. Ever. Unless it's like Sarah being weirded out post-Halloween weirdness. But it would've been fucked up for me to not make an exception there.

Was that supposed to make sense to me? I know what a Venn Diagram is so I get the point but the copy-er thing not so much.

Score! See, we can go with those. Or annoying pretty people who think they're all that, maybe. It's nice to cathartically fuck up their faces, I think.

People do that with runny yolks. But that's less gross because they are sorta cooked, I think. Still, I don't like slimy food. It totally hits the gag reflex in a big way.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Ladle!]
from: [Koydla!]

No, seriously, this his power. Ask him. in the mornign though cause he probably went to a party and may not be home and I'm going back to nap and I wanna see his answer.. He might though cause sometimes if he's gonna party he borrows my 'factor so he doesn't get hung over.

People's learning styles overlap, so some people are listeners AND doers or writers and watchers or something like that. I wanted more terms for the overlaps so I made some up.

Raw whites are slimy but yolks are okay.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Why are you part Kyle part Yoda and part Layla?]
From: [One third of a superbeing, apparently]

I don't actually know who Marius is but I will find him and I will ask him!

So I'm a copy-er because I copy stuff (doing) when learning physical stuff and copy (taking notes) when learning non-physical stuff? I think you need better vocab for your expansion theory or whatever.

Still slimy! And goopy in a gross way.