E-Mail to Kyle

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Yoda]
From: [Wo de Ma]
Subject: You so owe me

Okay, so what did you set me up for and do you know how big this pizza you owe me is gonna be? Seriously, Herr Hamster has been totally twitchy about his new name since I started using it but he didn't say anything. Until today. And he claimed it was derogatory to him as a teacher and as a veteran soldier or some total bull shit like that. So, uh, why did you want me to call him something he thinks is derogatory? Now I have to deal with this dude teaching me and thinking I was like intentionally an asshat or an idiot or something because I totally didn't get it.

But I didn't rat you out 'cause I'm not like that. Seriously, I just made some shit up when he asked why I started calling him that. But he like asked why I decided to antagonize him. Like I'd know he's got some sort of weird ass beef with fuzzy rodent things. Seriously? Is there a thing where dudes around here turn 30 and become asshats unless they are blue and fuzzy?

-Lay

Comments

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Wo de Ma]
from: [Yoda de man?]
Subject: wtf.

Bacon cheeseburger pizza, extra-large? Cause those rock. And wtf, Lex. okay, you know how I was like "I have a codename"? His is Hamster, so I dunno why he got upset with you. It's silly, cause he's like not fully on the team, which I don't even know why he's still a trainee, dude's been on the X-Men for like a while. Maybe it's cause he gets butthurt over being called Hamster.

Anyway, I'll rat myself out, cause if I'd known he was gonna be a nut about it I wouldn't have told you that was his codename.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Yo' da Man]
From: [Wo de Ma]
Subject: Full of fucking crazy, dude

Oh, that sounds awesome. But it's like bacon bacon and not Canadian bacon, right? 'Cause I don't care what they say, Canadian bacon is ham.

Wait, so it's his codename? Are you fucking with me? He got that butthurt and thought I was fucking antagonizing him and that's his totally secret identity name and shit? What. The. Fuck? If he thinks it's that goddamn derogatory and antagonizing why doesn't he fucking change it?

You don't have to. Whatever, he's an asshat. I hope him and that Wade dude are friends because they both totally flip the fuck out over nothing. Seriously, are you gonna turn into a fucking moron after you turn 30, too?

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Wo de Ma]
from: [hey I like that one!]

Bacon bacon. Canadian bacon is awesome but not on pizza unless there's pineapple.

Well, he could change it but he'd have to like not be a trainee anymore and I dunno why that is, but if he really really hated it he could protest. It's not like we're jerks about it, so I dunno. Maybe he thought you were making fun of him for still being a trainee or something, I don't even know dude.

nah, it's cool, if I hadn't been like "Hamster's the funniest name ever" you wouldn't have dealt with Lex being all GRR.

Eh, Wade's cool but he's super protective sometimes. And like, I don't even think Lex is 30 yet. I dunno.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Yo' da Man - we have a keeper!]
From: [Wo de Ma]

Pineapple on pizza is like blasphemy or sacrilege or whichever of those is actually the appropriate word.

I don't know either. He's just like...crazy. Like fucking PMSing chick levels of crazy, you know? And how would I even know how long he's been a goddamn trainee? I've been here for a fucking month. Hello logic!

True. I figure giant pizza of awesomeness is like my payment, though. And it's not like it's the first time someone was an asshole to me when I totally didn't deserve it. I can deal. I'm totally ditching that class like a ditching thing the next couple times though because, wow, if being called Mr Hamster Man pissed him off he probably doesn't wanna know what I might call him now that I legit don't like him.

Being an ass while being protective still makes you an ass. Maybe 27 is the magic number instead of 30? Besides, if he's like in his 20's still how much of a badass soldier dude was he really? And if he was so bad ass I should fucking kneel down to his badassery why isn't he still in the fucking Army or whatever? Besides, everyone knows you're probably still a pussy unless you're like a SEAL or Ranger or Marine anyway.

And everyone knows if you're really a bad ass you don't have to get all prissy about it or prove it. You just are.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Wo de Ma]
From: [Yo' da Man]

Nah, pineapple rocks but on white pizza with ham or canadian bacon and roasted red peppers. It's awesome.

Dude, I don't even know. I like, don't ask questions about some people because then I get answers and sometimes I just don't wanna KNOW. Maybe it's like an electricity powers thing, Sparky can kinda be a bitch too sometimes, but he's French so that might be it.

Hey, I totally prove my badassitude all the time, mostly when Garrison dumps me on my goddamn head sparring and I don't cry like a goddamn baby because OW.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Yo' da Man]
From: [Wo de Ma]

Can I, like, take your word on that and never ever ever have you try to prove it to me? 'Cause that would be awesome.

Oh...you mean Jean-Phillipe? I kinda like him, he's sarcastic as a mo'fo sometimes. Which is probably also 'cause he's French maybe? Maybe Herr Stick Up His Ass like fried someone's pet hamster recently and tried to cover it up and then he thought I knew and would out him and you know what they say about people who kill animals, right?

He's the mountie, right? You know you're not supposed to land on your head, right? Do I need to put you through falling drills? ;)

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Wo de Ma]
From: [Yo' da Man]

So it'd be cool without the pineapple and you're anti-pineapple or the whole thing sounds gross? More pineapple for me, I love them.

Yeah, JP. His codename's Sparky, because he's also a trainee, but like in his case I think he just likes the grey uniform better, he's sort of, you know, all Fashion future or whatever that term is. He's cool though.

Garrison's the mountie, yeah. He beats the WWE out of my hand to hand, and I'd be like pissy about the head dropping but sometimes this midget visits him and kicks HIS ass and that's awesome to watch.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Yo' da Man]
From: [Wo de Ma]

I like pineapple. I just don't like it on pizza. It's just...wrong. So totally more pineapple pizza for you!

I haven't talked to him a lot but he seems cool. Less...perky and optimistic than Yvette. SO, you know, more my people kinda vibe than she is.

I am so confused.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Yo' da Man]
From: [Wo de Ma]

It's not great on pizza with tomato sauce but I dig it a lot on white pizza.

Yvette's... Yvette. I mean, she's kinda been through a lot so she does a lot of perky to kinda get over that her powers suck eleven kinds of ass, and she's pretty badass and awesome in her own right. Also adorbs but don't like tell her I said that cause a, I have a girlfriend and b, like I don't think she'd believe me. and yeah, I can see how Sparky'd be more your speed. He's a snarkasaurus.

Garrison's a superhero, but he's a big super strong super Canadian superhero. He does some advanced hand to hand training for the team, especially for folks like me and I have some like bad bad habits from watching too much WWE. The guy who trained him is literally a midget, or small person or whatever the term is and sometimes kicks's Gar's ass. It's AWESOME.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Yo' da Man]
From: [Wo de Ma]

What kinda sauce is on white pizza? And no points for saying "white sauce" dude.

I solemnly swear not to tell her you secretly think she's a hottie. I mean, I get that her powers blow because, wow, that's like so much karmic backlash it's not funny. She must've been Hitler or one of his high ranking dudes in her last life. But yeah, the super optimistic and perky thing just kinda doesn't go with me, you know? Like, I do perky sometimes but I'm more mellow than all that. I'm insta-fond of snarkasauruses.

Seriously? That is totally kinda awesome. Especially since he's all tall and rawr! man and shit. How many supers do you really need to describe him?

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Wo de Ma]
From: [Yo' da Man]

Sorta like alfredo sauce, but sometimes less cheese more garlic. Same stuff you get when it's white sauce on pasta, but on pizza.

Not like hot hot, but like cute hot. Which okay, looking at my dating history is kinda my thing but whatevers. I like perky, it's sorta refreshing to find people who are like honestly just happy all the time. Sometimes. Sometimes people take it way too far.

I could come up with a couple more but it'd start sounding like I had a crush and dude no.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Yo' da Man]
From: [Wo de Ma]

I thought alfredo was the only kinda white sauce they put on pasta. Are there other kinds?

You've got a thing for cute hot and you think spiky girl is totally cute hot. You realize the word hot is totally still involved there, right? No one is really just happy all the time. Unless maybe they don't have a brain. I still won't tell Yvette though. You know, unless she tortures me for a really long time or something. There's totally a dark side lurking under the perky!

I don't think the mountie counts as cute hot.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

To: [Wo de Ma]
From: [Yo' da Man]

God yes. There's alfredo, and all the different kinds of alfredo and then there's Béchamel which I totally just had to look up how to spell but I totally know how to make because Lorna made us learn it, and there's a ton of other ones. What, I totally got an A in cooking. It was awesome, I got to eat my homework.

Cute hot that can kick ass. Can't forget the ass kicking part, it's important.

Gar? No, I'm not into dudes like Gar.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

To: [Yo' da Man]
From: [Wo de Ma]

Eating homework is always good. I dunno if I'd wanna take cooking class though. I mean, I can follow a recipe already. I have no idea what a Béchamel sauce is, but I like alfredo so I'll probably stick with that anyway.

Well, chicks that kick ass are instantly hot. That's the entire reason why Michelle Rodriguez has a career.

...So you're into dudes not like him?