Email to Wanda
Jul. 2nd, 2012 11:35 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
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To: [Maximoff, Wanda]
From: [Haller, David]
Subject: Vampires and werewolves
You know about this stuff, could these two species breed with each other?
(Don't ask.)
From: [Haller, David]
Subject: Vampires and werewolves
You know about this stuff, could these two species breed with each other?
(Don't ask.)
no subject
Date: 2012-07-02 04:42 pm (UTC)From: [Maximoff, Wanda]
Subject: Re: Vampires and werewolves
I just ... what?
You said not to ask but I have to ask - why?
no subject
Date: 2012-07-02 04:47 pm (UTC)From: [Haller, David]
Subject: Re: Vampires and werewolves
A student asked if I was some werewolf/vampire hybrid. I made her explain (how it was even possible, I didn't want to ask about the train of thought that took her there) and she started talking about that Twilight saga thing that's had all those movies lately. She said a vampire got a human girl pregnant. Then she started talking about an eventual vampire/werewolf romance but really I was still on the "human girl impregnated by vampire" thing.
So I guess what I'm really asking is, what is the half-life of sperm in the undead?
And no, I can't believe I just typed that sentence, either.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-02 04:51 pm (UTC)From: [Maximoff, Wanda]
Subject: Re: Vampires and werewolves
WHY DO YOU HATE ME? That is the only logical thing I can conjure right now about why you're asking is deep down you harbor a deep seated hatred for me.
It's because you had to come and rescue me from Chthon all those years ago in your boxers, isn't it?
(What logic got this student to the fact that you were a vampire/werewolf hybrid? The last I checked, you weren't either furry certain times of the month nor sporting fangs. Nor, if you're going off of Twilight, sparkly.)
...oh god, why I am searching for the half-life of undead sperm?
no subject
Date: 2012-07-02 05:06 pm (UTC)From: [Haller, David]
Subject: Re: Vampires and werewolves
Because now that someone raised the question I can't stop wondering about it, and you're the only one I know who might actually know something about the viability of century-old sperm and wow did that come out wrong.
Maybe subconsciously? You being naked at the time created some mixed feelings though.
Maddie's sort of . . . stream-of-consciousness. I think her reasoning for the werewolf thing was sensory-bleed from Jack on the astral plane, but I have no explanation for the vampire assumption.
Because now you want to know the answer?
no subject
Date: 2012-07-02 05:13 pm (UTC)From: [Maximoff, Wanda]
Subject: Re: Vampires and werewolves
You promised that if I never went into details about Cain, you'd refrain from making jokes like that!
I'm glad to see that being naked was not enough to fully shield me from things like this. My nakedness should have better trade in value.
How on earth could Jack come across as a werewolf, even through the Astral Plane? Was it because of the personality shifting? The younger generation scares me.
Yes, I do, and I hate you so much for it. I want you to know that when I die, all of my research on werewolf-vampire hybrid sperm is going to be donated to you.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-02 05:24 pm (UTC)From: [Haller, David]
Subject: Re: Vampires and werewolves
. . . dammit you know I can never unthink that.
Maybe if you hadn't been possessed. Elder God was not a good look on you.
It was his additional bulk, apparently. I was helping her hold a link and apparently she wasn't distracted enough to not notice the fact it didn't feel like she was leaning against a coatrack anymore.
Isn't this a valid question in your line of work though? I mean, some of the student body ended up in Asgard at one point. If that's our baseline of improbable-but-not-impossible-events this is something you could conceivably need to know one day.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-02 05:33 pm (UTC)From: [Maximoff, Wanda]
Subject: Re: Vampires and werewolves
Well, I've been thinking about sperm for the last while, so I think we're even. ...actually, no, I lie, yours is so much worse. I win!
You try having an Elder God ride shotgun on you in the middle of the night and see how sexy you look, even without clothes on.
I still do not follow. I mean, my reaction would have been "Why are you fat in the Astral Plane?" While probably not good for your Astral Plane self-esteem, at least logical.
The only improbable-but-not-impossible-event that I can currently come up with would be if Rahne came to us, worried that she thought she might have slept with a vampire and might be pregnant. Oh god, I'm now thinking of plausible scenarios now.
And why one should teach safe sex habits to supernatural creatures ...
no subject
Date: 2012-07-02 05:41 pm (UTC)From: [Haller, David]
Subject: Re: Vampires and werewolves
Yes, you do. Although I think when you get right down to it we both lose.
I'll pass, thanks. There are already enough people in here.
Like I said, Maddie's very 'stream of consciousness'. On the plus side, it made the actual admission of DID the least weird thing about the conversation.
You mean there aren't real werewolves? I guess I just assumed there was a legitimately magical equivalent to go with the clinical one.
You realize that if we ever get to the point where sex with the supernatural requires a section in health class you get to be the guest-lecturer.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-02 06:02 pm (UTC)From: [Maximoff, Wanda]
Subject: Re: Vampires and werewolves
Not if we're still talking about Cain.Yes, I know you can still see that. But if we're still talking about ancient semen, yes, there are no winners here.I stand by my stance that her generation scares me. I do not understand "Facebook" or the ability to decide that one's teacher is a werewolf-vampire hybrid. And, yes, both of those things seem logical to me to lump together.
Though congratulations on this being a time where the DID wasn't the weird part of the conversation. How often does that happen?
We have run across Warwolves and a sick young man who projected himself as a giant shadow wolf but, so far, no "werewolves". There's enough literature out there to speculate, of course, and I grew up around too many stories from people who believed them to be real. But they stick to stories right now - where they belong.
Having an Elder God in your head trying to use your body to sex people up does not count as supernatural sex. Especially since it didn't succeed!
(I'll agree to guest lecture only if I can borrow a leather X-Man uniform. It fits the look more than my business wear.)
no subject
Date: 2012-07-02 06:12 pm (UTC)From: [Haller, David]
Subject: Re: Vampires and werewolves
I hate you.
Facebook is social networking. Think of it as your network of contacts, but online. I understand it. But as long as I have Cyndi in my head I will never, ever join it.
True, I think it may be a first.
Well, I know clinical lycanthropy is a thing. I'm surprised there's no magical evidence so far though. Although maybe the warwolves qualified. I mean, who's to say what something from another dimension gets labeled as once it comes across? I guess "demon" is as good a catch-all as any. (Which begs the question, are the Twilight vampires close to any kind of actual creature? I kind of blanked after the 'sparkling' part but I heard they had venom or . . . something.)
. . . even as I type this I know it's going to get me punched, but doesn't having had an Elder God inside you sort of qualify in itself?