xp_communication | Vicious attack puppies: IM log

So the pet rules have everybody considering buying puppies. But Sarah and Shinobi aren't looking for just any kind of puppy.

Shaw2.0: We need a puppy.

bone girl: The hell? Why?

Shaw2.0: Maybe two of them. Vicious attack puppies.

bone girl: ....puppies.

Shaw2.0: Are you a cat person? We could get vicious attack kittens instead. Know a bloke, could get us an attack caracal cub if I asked real nice.

bone girl: ooh. that's tempting. but why do we need pets again?

Shaw2.0: Everyone needs minions, luv, and you don't have to worry about shakey loyalties when they're pets. For the actual reason, though, peek in your in-box. Whether it applies to you and I or not, it did spark the idea.

bone girl: pet rules. wait, are you saying I don't already have minions?

Shaw2.0: You do. Jono and I, most notably. But if there's one lesson I'm taking from my father, it's that you can never have too many minions.

bone girl: ...so we need puppies.

Shaw2.0: That's what I'm saying.

bone girl: yes. I figured that out.

Shaw2.0: Or monkeys. The element of surprise can sway battles, you know.

bone girl: If we're not allowed badgers, I doubt we're allowed monkeys.

Shaw2.0: If they didn't think to add monkeys, but they did think to add badgers, they have only themselves to blame. Besides, that rule would only apply if we stayed. I'm perfectly happy either way.

bone girl: we'll see. I'm waiting for the backlash. We've got the Alison Blaire fanclub here in the mansion, apparently the little rescue mission put her in the medlab.

Shaw2.0: Again, nobody asked them to come after you.. but, I can understand the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hopefully, I can get to Alison before any judgement's made. Manuel's helping me compose a thank-you recording for her. Knowing her, it should help soften any blows from her direction.

bone girl: joy.

Shaw2.0: I'll protect you from the ramifications of that aspect of things, at least. I'm not sure I can do much about the rest.

bone girl: so we need puppies.

Shaw2.0: Vicious attack puppies.

bone girl: and we can call them precious.

Shaw2.0: Absolutely. But what kind of vicious attack puppies, I wonder? Something unassumingly vicious, or obviously so?

bone girl: Is it wrong of me to want to get something that will scare the hell out of everyone?

Shaw2.0: Yes. I like it. So I'm looking for dogs that grow up to be, what.. six feet tall at the shoulder?

bone girl: dear, I think those are called bears.

Shaw2.0: Nonsense. Give me a second, I just can't recall the name of the breeds.. blessed internet.

bone girl: we could always get bear cubs. they didn't say anything about no bears.

Shaw2.0: Very true. Or tigers, for that matter.

bone girl: oooh. big cats. sufficiently vicious.

Shaw2.0: And yet, they look so very cuddly. ...hm. Mastiffs are thirty inches high at the shoulder. Not nearly big enough.

bone girl: *looks up mastiffs* Doesn't look very vicious...

Shaw2.0: That just means people will under-estimate them. Ooh, the kuvasz are pretty. Possibly too fluffy, too. Blood would be hell to get out of that coat.

bone girl: especially it it's white.

Shaw2.0: Very white. I suppose there's always great danes. Hm.
Shaw2.0: I wonder how well an army of vicious attack corgis would work. Probably not well. They're roughly football-sized.

bone girl: you could throw them at people.

Shaw2.0: Good point. I hadn't thought of that.

bone girl: I want a puppy that makes this school reconsider its pet policy.

Shaw2.0: Definitely something that will grow up to be roughly the size of a compact car, then.

bone girl: We can play fetch with my bone clubs.

Shaw2.0: We could save so much money on chew toys.

bone girl: We could feed it annoying children. Save on food.

Shaw2.0: No.. we could feet it supervillains. Then the faculty can't complain.

bone girl: We could feed it Grey Crow. One limb at a time.

Shaw2.0: Now you're thinking like an X-Man.

bone girl: Nah, they'd turn him in or something. I'm thinking like a Morlock.

Shaw2.0: Turn him in to *who*? Only prison capable of holding someone like that is the one my father's building, as far as I know.

bone girl: Like that matters to them.

Shaw2.0: I suppose not. They do let us go to his parties.

bone girl: I meant they'd turn him in to the "proper authorities", regardless of whether they had a place to hold him or not. Because that's what the good guys do, right?

Shaw2.0: You mean invite trouble to come back and bite them in the ass later? Generally speaking, yes.

bone girl: So when are you getting me my vicious puppy?

Shaw2.0: Well, I figure you and I can go vicious puppy shopping as soon as you're out of there. If I go by myself, I'll probably come back with something cute and at least marginally fluffy.

bone girl: but a vicious puppy would make me feel better.

Shaw2.0: I know, but I am a weak man. Easily swayed by hyperactive, fluffy puppies. Then again, a hyperactive, fluffy puppy might make them reconsider the policy, too.

bone girl: It'd also make me reconsider getting a puppy in the first place.

Shaw2.0: You're no fun at all. *grin* I'll at least see if I can find somewhere that has puppy.. what do you suppose, mastiffs?

bone girl: you said 30 inches for that one? Maybe we could train it to look more vicious.

Shaw2.0: Roughly, yes. And we probably could. I imagine a dog that big has some good teeth on them. ...of course, once it's grown, it's never setting foot in my car.

bone girl: no?

Shaw2.0: The Jag? Hell no. Dog that big would break the poor car. *grins*

bone girl: aw. poor puppy.

Shaw2.0: Don't worry. We'll buy a Hummer or something for carting the pooch around in. None of that H2 bollocks, either.

bone girl: oh yes. we'll just buy another car.

Shaw2.0: Well, sure. Why not? More toys.

Shaw2.0: I suppose if the dog is large enough, we could just get a saddle for it.

bone girl: it's an attack dog, not a horse.

Shaw2.0: Then we'll need a car big enough to transport it in, won't we?

Shaw2.0: Hm. Wait. I think we should wait until after you're out of there for this. They might decree that you cannot have a puppy as your punishment, if they knew you actually wanted one.

bone girl: that sound you hear? That is me banging my head against the fucking wall.

Shaw2.0: Look on the bright side, luv. You heal very fast. I'm sure they're eager to rant at you. We won't have to wait very long.

bone girl: but I want a vicious puppy. *pouts*

Shaw2.0: And you shall have a vicious puppy, luv. Just let them punish you first. If they don't know you're interested in wanting one, they won't deny you the priviledge. You don't strike people as a pet person. *grins*

bone girl: I'm not. just ill tempered tank sized minions.

Shaw2.0: I'll do my best to get you at least one. Worst case scenario, the tank-sized minions wait until we have a place of our own, and we amuse ourselves with slightly smaller ones in the interim.

bone girl: vicious football sized balls of fur and claws.

Shaw2.0: Damn straight.

bone girl: both of my minions have abandoned me. They suck.

Shaw2.0: Well then, it's good that we're getting you new ones. Can never have too many.

bone girl: in the meantime I just have to deal with lousy minions? Who tease me about getting vicious puppies?

Shaw2.0: Tease? Well, we know who we're training the puppies into vicious-ness on, don't we?

bone girl: Small children.

Shaw2.0: What about big children?

bone girl: ideas?

Shaw2.0: Depends. I'll need to see if Nathan gets some sleep before we get the dog. If he doesn't, we can use him.

bone girl: Angelo'll want to watch that one.

Shaw2.0: If he's good, we'll give him first crack at the tickets.

bone girl: never let it be said we weren't generous.

Shaw2.0: We're very generous. We're just picky about who we're generous to.

bone girl: where's my vicious puppy?

Shaw2.0: Eating the poodles the breeder foolishly has it penned up with. I'll look into it, though probably in the morning. Too late in the day to make any phone calls about it, now.

bone girl: I like that puppy.

Shaw2.0: Only the best for my Sarah.

bone girl: my hero.