The X-Project

To: Blaire Alison
From: Madrox, Jamie
CC: Guthrie, Paige
Subject: Re: Calling in the expert!

I'm getting predictable in my decrepitude, I see. ("Decrepitude" is my cousin Summer's new word, apparently.)

Yeah, I'm definitely in.

. . . And hey, Paige? Ooh. Having an absolutely perfect straight man opens up so many possibilities. Do we have a sealing iron in the kitchen?

From:

To: Madrox, Jamie
From: Guthrie, Paige
CC: Blaire, Alison
Subject: Re: Calling in the expert!

Yes, Paige. Don't ask how I got into this just know it's for the greater good of humanity. Or ~~Alison and~~ Hank. One of those.

Is the sealing iron a joke that I just don't get? There seem to be a lot of those around these days.

From:

To: Guthrie, Paige
From: Madrox, Jamie
CC: Blaire, Alison
Subject: Re: Calling in the expert!

See, you're just perfect, though. You can get away with anything because nobody would suspect you of being involved in stuff like this. I mean, me and Alison, we have a certain, shall we say, a reputation. But you're innocent, at least with regard to pranks. This is why I used to hire 'Yana--except, with her, you could usually be sure she was up to something only she was so cute it didn't matter.

The sealing iron is because, if we end up doctoring some Twinkies, we'll need some way to close the cellophane up again, and you can do that with one of those sealing irons like my grandma has for freezing peaches.

From:

To: Madrox, Jamie
From: Blaire Alison
CC: Guthrie, Paige
Subject: Calling in the expert!

She's the perfect straightwoman. Who else could pull this on Hank? (You know you want to do this, Paige. ;) )

I can get the iron. And now that I think about it, we've also got the dummy book option. It's Hank. He won't think twice about a book.

From:

To: Blaire Alison
From: Madrox, Jamie
CC: Guthrie, Paige
Subject: Calling in the expert!

Nobody. Not without arousing his suspicions. I mean, not even Miles, because he's your kid and my roommate-slash-apprentice. ;)

A book might work even better than a box of Twinkies, come to think of it. I mean, do you even like Twinkies, Paige? And I can rig a lot bigger stink bomb in a dummy book than I can inside a Twinkie.

From:

To: Madrox, Jamie
From: Blaire Alison
CC: Guthrie, Paige
Subject: Calling in the expert!

Miles would give himself away on the spot, anyway. He'd be doing that little jig thing that goes with the "I know something you don't!" grin. We have to work on that.

There should be a Twinkie on the book, as a gift. It'll keep him busy long enough for the bomb to go off. Perfect bait. ;)

From:

To: Blaire, Alison
From: Guthrie, Paige
CC: Madrox, Jamie
Subject: To your rescue then...

I never said I didn't. I'm just in a bit of shock still.

So, what do I have to do? And what's a straightwoman?

(Right down to buisness, that's me.)

From:

To: Guthrie, Paige
From: Madrox, Jamie
CC: Blaire, Alison
Subject: Re: To your rescue then...

A straightwoman, or straightman, is basically somebody with a really good poker face and/or innocent act. The person in cahoots with the pranker(s), whom the prankee does not suspect is in cahoots, and therefore the prankee allows the straightperson to hand him or her the means of his or her downfall.

Basically what you need to do is, once we rig whatever it is we're rigging to drive Doc McCoy out of his lab, we give it to you, and you go down to the medlab and be yourself, trustworthy straightforward not-conspiratorial-at-all Paige Guthrie, and you hand it to him, and then you walk casually away just like you would normally until you're out of sight, and then you run like hell while giggling madly. Sound good? :)

From:

To: Madrox, Jamie
From: Blaire, Alison
CC: Guthrie, Paige
Subject: Re: To your rescue then...

Yeah, and the running away part is really important. But we'll cover for you and all!

Right. Jamie? Escape plans. We need those too.

From:

To: Blaire, Alison
From: Guthrie, Paige
CC: Madrox, Jamie
Subject: Re: To your rescue then...

I'm good at running! Um. And being myself!

Yeah. Clearly I was made for this job.

(Twinkies are the devil by the way.)

From:

To: Guthrie, Paige
From: Madrox, Jamie
CC: Blaire, Alison
Subject: Re: To your rescue then...

We'll rig a book, then. Believability is key, and nobody thinks it's weird you giving people books.

Escape plans. Right. Alison, can you have a car waiting, and we can flee to the ice cream place for celebratory sundaes?

And you both realize, right, that there's going to be a great and terrible vengeance? We're all okay with the idea of the vengeance, right? Because he's so going to get us back for this. :)

From:

To: Guthrie, Paige
From: Blaire, Alison
CC: Madrox, Jamie
Subject: Re: To your rescue then...

A book is good. Paige, we promise the book won't be hurt much, okay? Maybe.

Car will be waiting. We should have a few distractions for Hank on our optimal escape route too.

Ice cream and celebrating is a go! Shall reserve at every place in town that takes reservations so Hank has to look a leetle bit at least. ;)

Heh heh. He is. But he'll have to come out of the lab for it!!!

Alison

From:

To: Blaire, Alison
From: Madrox, Jamie
CC: Guthrie, Paige
Subject: Re: To your rescue then...

I'm gonna have to pretty much gut it to get a decent stink bomb in there, actually. Sorry, Paige. We'll find an old hardcover there's duplicates of, OK?

Timer and pressure sensor, I'm thinking. That way, if he opens it, it'll go off, and if he puts it aside while he goes back to molesting bacteria, or whatever it is he's doing in there all the time, it'll still go off.

From:

To: Madrox, Jamie
From: Guthrie, Paige
CC: Blaire, Alison
Subject: Re: To your rescue then...

Poor, poor book...

But I get ice cream, so I'll forgive you.

However, if the return prank is to harm my books I will not be pleased. Hopefully he knows better.

From:

To: Guthrie, Paige
From: Madrox, Jamie
CC: Blaire, Alison
Subject: Re: To your rescue then...

Ice cream makes everything better. And don't worry, I'm pretty sure he'll want to get all of us at once. :)

OK. We're going to need the book. Paige, can you find one? Hardcover, and the closer to an inch thick the better. I'll make the stink bomb. Alison, once Paige has the book, can you laser a hole in the pages? Give it . . . say a three-quarter-inch margin on every side? And keep . . . twenty to fifty pages whole, front and back, depending on how thick the book is.

From:

To: Madrox, Jamie
From: Guthrie, Paige
CC: Blaire, Alison
Subject: Re: To your rescue then...

Sigh. I have one. I'll get it to Alison shortly.

From:

To: Guthrie, Paige
From: Madrox, Jamie
CC: Blaire, Alison
Subject: Re: To your rescue then...

Nothing irreplaceable. :) I'll get you a new copy of whatever it is.

From:

To: Madrox, Jamie
From: Blaire, Alison
CC: Guthrie, Paige
Subject: Re: To your rescue then...

I can do that. Just bring me the book.

From:

To: Blaire, Alison
From: Guthrie, Paige
CC: Madrox, Jamie
Subject: To your rescue then...

Bringing!

(And I even found one that's out of date and everything.)

From:

To: Madrox, Jamie
From: Blaire, Alison
CC: Guthrie, Paige
Subject: Re: To your rescue then...

Oooh. Darn, better make sure Miles can't see. He's taken a liking to books lately.

From: