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x-shinobi.livejournal.com posting in

After his exchange with Jono in this comment thread, Marie IMs Shinobi to check up on him. Bonding ensues.

damn my skin: S, don't let Jono get to you. He's... well, he's Jono, right?

shaw 2.0: That's the problem. I've been trying not to let him get to me for ages, and have at least been good about bottling, but.. argh. I'm fine. Really.

damn my skin: You don't sound like it.

shaw 2.0: Talking about it with the pair of them would only make it worse. I'll talk to Samson about it.

damn my skin: What needs talking about, S? They're just friends, right?

shaw 2.0: My inability to be comfortable with their innocent flirtations does. But that'd only encourage him, and make her feel bad, so I'm not bringing it up.

damn my skin: Argh. S... I mean... it's just them playing. And Sarah /loves/ you. She does not love Jono.

shaw 2.0: I'd hope not. He's a pillock. If he'd just *talk* to Paige without being a complete arse about it, she'd probably be in much better shape.

damn my skin: Yeah. I never did quite get what was up there. I guess he's got redeeming qualities. Paige isn't stupid.

shaw 2.0: No, she isn't. Those three are just.. infuriating. I mean, where's the problem? They love her, she loves them, and I haven't heard Jono blowing Angelo up since he was moved in there, so I assume they get along passably well..

damn my skin: Well, their room is still standing. And I don't quite get the deal there either. But, far be it from me to analyse someone else's relationships. Mine's weird enough.

shaw 2.0: Preaching to the choir, luv. I've no illusions about how odd a pair Sarah and I must seem to everybody else.

damn my skin: I don't think it's odd. I think it makes perfect sense.

shaw 2.0: Heh. Maybe you could explain how that works to her? She still doesn't understand why I love her, I think. Might listen to you.

damn my skin: She's her. Does she need more of an explanation?

shaw 2.0: I'd say no, she'd say "My point exactly."

damn my skin: We don't get to choose who loves us. And we don't get to argue it. *grins*

shaw 2.0: Well, we can argue it, but it won't convince anybody to stop caring if they really do in the first place. So tricksy.

damn my skin: *laughs* Definitely. I don't understand what Logan sees in me sometimes. I'm just a too-skinny girl with skunk-hair and a sharp mouth, not to mention an ugly mutation. Nothing to get excited about. But, I am /so/ not going to argue. *grins*

shaw 2.0: Better not. I can definitely see why someone'd be attracted to you. Maybe not Logan's reasons, since we're very different people, but I see plenty of reasons.

damn my skin: ... Cut that out. *pokes*

shaw 2.0: *blinks innocently* Cut what out? I thought honesty was a good thing.

damn my skin: It is. I love honesty. But. Really, S. I'm going to drop this because god help me I know you'll argue me into a corner and eek.

shaw 2.0: I seem to be good at that, which reminds me.. I'm really sorry last night turned out so.. last night. I should have let you stay home like you wanted.

damn my skin: And miss out on a date with a scantily-clad Alison Blaire? Never. ...and it's no big deal. Friends are there for stuff like that. I'm glad I went.

shaw 2.0: So am I. Just wish it had gone a little better. Oh well. More to talk to the doc about, I suppose.

damn my skin: /Not/ your fault, S. Seriously. Don't make me stuff Logan in the closet so I can get out of here to kick your ass over this.

shaw 2.0: Oh, no, I know the Selene stuff wasn't my fault, and I know I could not have possibly done more than I did without getting my own ass kicked, too. No worries there, Em, I promise.

damn my skin: So. What's the problem then?

shaw 2.0: ...powers stuff. Something happened in Limbo, and I wasn't sure if it was a fluke or not, so I tried to do it again last night. Wasn't a fluke. Going to see Moira about it later, if Nathan hasn't barricaded her door so she can't get out or something.

damn my skin: Want to tell me? Can you? Should you?

shaw 2.0: Might be safer if I do. Accidents would be very, very bad. *makes a face* I think.. well, no, I know, that it seems to hurt other people when I go through them. Intangibly, I mean. So I don't think I'll be shortcutting through the floor anymore.

damn my skin: Interesting. Yeah, good to know. And you used that last night?

shaw 2.0: That's how I dealt with the guards, yes. My mind was focusing on "ooh, new toy!" and has only really begun to realize what the 'new toy' is since we got home.

damn my skin: Is it the killing that bothers you?

shaw 2.0: I'm honestly not sure, actually. It's never bothered me before, so I don't know why it suddenly would now.

damn my skin: Maybe killing with your mutation is the issue.

shaw 2.0: I don't know. Maybe. Samson'll probably have some ideas, or manage to get them out of me without my realizing it, though. Fingers crossed.

damn my skin: It's not many of us who actually kill outright with what we are.

shaw 2.0: Maybe it's that there doesn't seem to be a middle-ground. I can either not touch them at all, or touch them and watch them drop dead. No knocking them out, or just incapacitating them, just.. one extreme or the other.

damn my skin: That'll /probably/ change, or you'll find a way around it, S.

shaw 2.0: That's what I'm seeing.. *checks journals* ..Hank about later. Moira needs her sleep. Can bug her another time.

damn my skin: Does it scare you? That it's so easy?

shaw 2.0: No. Maybe that's what scares me.

damn my skin: We're all dangerous, S.

shaw 2.0: Not all of us, but I know what you mean, Em.

damn my skin: No. All of us. It just shows more in some. Look at this planet, S. It's full of people destroying it and each other every day. Just because you can do it in a way that doesn't let you avoid the issue -- that doesn't make you worse than anyone else.

shaw 2.0: I'd argue that the fact that it doesn't bother me makes me worse, but I guess it does bother me, in a roundabout sort of way. Not that I can do it, but that it doesn't bother me that I can. Am I making any sense whatsoever?

damn my skin: Plenty. You're applying ethical checks to yourself.

shaw 2.0: ... well, that would explain a lot.

damn my skin: It would?

shaw 2.0: I think Samson said something about borderline sociopathy, first time I saw him. So, yeah, it would explain a lot.

damn my skin: We are what we are, S. It only bothers me on that second level, too. I scare the hell out of myself sometimes.

shaw 2.0: I scare the hell out of myself sometimes, too. We're quite the pair, aren't we?

damn my skin: Yeah, we are. It's fucking scary to know what I could do and ... to be afraid that one day, I'll forget why I don't.

shaw 2.0: I won't let you forget if you do the same for me.

damn my skin: Promise, S. If nothing else, we've both got people we sure as hell don't want to be.

shaw 2.0: And good ways of keeping from becoming them. Rollercoasters start up in a few weeks - I say we drag some people out to get sick on them at the first possible opportunity.

damn my skin: Definitely. I vote for indulging in some of the fun in life on a regular basis to keep our heads clear. You're going away for the break, right?

shaw 2.0: I think so, yes. Depends on if I can bribe Sarah onto a plane in order to go to London. If not, I've been toying with the idea of a road trip, but I'll be buggered if I know where I'd go.

damn my skin: I have a feeling we're off to the coast again for a whole lot of nobody. *g*

shaw 2.0: *grins* Good. The coast doesn't seem to fight back, so yes, I heartily approve of going out there for the break.

damn my skin: Me too. ...he's so cute when he's been out playing with the horses. God. Do not let anyone know I said that. *laughs*

shaw 2.0: Your secret's safe with me, while I try to purge the images from my memory. Gah.

damn my skin: What? *laughs* He is... all windblown and relaxed and he comes in and kicks off his boots so he doesn't track sand in and I make him lunch... it's so... normal.

shaw 2.0: You know, I'm pretty sure I've never experienced normal. I don't think I'd know how to cope.

damn my skin: I was... so normal I was weird as a kid.

damn my skin: I miss home so much.

shaw 2.0: See, my home was rotten. Only thing I miss about it is seeing Tessa on a regular basis, but I think I could probably do that now.

damn my skin: We had a white picket fence and a porch swing. And my mom has a whole set of aprons so that she doesn't clash while she's cooking. Scary, eh?

shaw 2.0: Not.. scary, exactly. Alien. Like something I'd read in a book or something.

damn my skin: My dad would call me Baby, or Blossom, or Princess, or any other number of crazy little names, and swing me up in the air when he came home from work. I really miss him. He was heartbroken when I manifested... like he got twenty years older in one day.

shaw 2.0: Tessa called me Shinobi, as opposed to dad's ideas of appropriate modes of address. "Boy" doesn't give one much in the way of the warm'n'fuzzies. When I manifested, he was.. satisfied. I think satisfied is the word I'm looking for.

damn my skin: Satisfied? That's an odd response. But your father... wasn't much of a dad if he was like that. He may have been your keeper, but he wasn't a real dad, you know? I know you don't have anything to compare it to. If I could go home, I swear, I'd bring new people back every weekend.

shaw 2.0: Maybe satisfied isn't the word I want. Sort of like I'd suddenly justified my existance? Something like that. He wasn't much of a father, no. Your parents sound.. nice. Very nice. Except for the.. poor reactions.

damn my skin: Wasn't their fault. They're really religious - in that devout, intense way - and not exactly pro-mutant and it was like God kicked them in the teeth, you know? It didn't help that I was possibly up for the attempted murder of the boy I nearly killed by kissing him and the police wanted to talk to me and them, and then there were tests and... it was just hell on them and it was like their world fell apart... I don't blame them.

shaw 2.0: You're stronger than I am. I don't think I could reconcile all that.

damn my skin: I love them. I had to try.

shaw 2.0: True enough. I'd have tried, too.

damn my skin: I know you would, I have faith in you. Just no one's given you reason yet. You know... it won't be normal but I think it'll be fun to live together. Might do us both some good. I'll make you dinner tomorrow night.

shaw 2.0: You're going to spoil me, you realize. That sounds nice.

damn my skin: That's the point, S.

shaw 2.0: I'll be nice and not make comments about you and Alison in those dresses also spoiling me. Sarah would probably hurt me.

damn my skin: *laughs* We did look awful... cute... didn't we? And Ali's a great dancer. That was a blast (pun intended).

shaw 2.0: Yes. Yes, you did. And of course she's a great dancer - years and years of practice. Think I should make her teach me? There's more to life than waltzes and tangos, I'm told.

damn my skin: Yeah, I think you should. Let me know if she says yes, I'd love to practice too.

shaw 2.0: I think we've succeeded in trapping my mind in a bad, bad place. I promise I'll try to be less of a teenage boy when you escape Logan's clutches.

damn my skin: ...oh dear. *laughs*

shaw 2.0: Air-tight proof that you are a desirable girl if ever there was any doubt, though. Hah. I win.

damn my skin: S! Cut that out! I ... am not. Logan is just... charitable. Or something. Or maybe the fact that I can kill him is too much of a lure.

shaw 2.0: Sort of an odd lure to build a relationship on, luv. I'd go into the others, but you asked me to cut it out, so, I shall. *grins*

damn my skin: Thank you. And he's an odd sort of man, if you'd not noticed. *grins*

shaw 2.0: Can I say I find it amusing that you can easily see how Logan and Sarah might be desirable, but completely fail to understand how you are? Or would I get swatted?

damn my skin: You're welcome to be amused. And maybe some people might find me nice to look at but that's different... than the reality of being with me. Appearances are really irrelevant to me.

shaw 2.0: They're pretty secondary to me, or do I need to give you another "I trust you" talk? Trust is a big thing.

damn my skin: Trust is... it's almost everything, isn't it? Maybe it is everything.

shaw 2.0: It's certainly a healthy portion, yeah. I'm still getting used to it.

damn my skin: I'm lucky. I had it once. And I think I can take getting hurt pretty well. So I can take my chances with giving it sometimes.

shaw 2.0: I used to think I could take getting hurt okay, but.. not so sure anymore. Jono wouldn't bother me if I wasn't afraid of getting hurt.

damn my skin: I think... I've been through the worst I can imagine. I don't know if I could do it again, but I probably could. And I"m sure no one could do worse.

shaw 2.0: I hope you'll never have to find out. I'll resist encouraging you to just hole up at the coast for a while.

damn my skin: ...well. He was part of it. That's how I know I can get past it. See?

shaw 2.0: Never said you'd have to bring company with you, but.. hm. I think I see, yeah.

damn my skin: I can't imagine being there without him. I'm such a... girl. :p

shaw 2.0: *grins* Pretty normal, I think.

damn my skin: You can decide how normal I am after living with me a while.

shaw 2.0: Maybe our quirks will cancel each other out and we'll be very boring and mundane?

damn my skin: We might neutralize each other? That would be funny. And scary. We'll see.

shaw 2.0: I suppose getting to experience normalcy would be kind of scary. I think we could hack it, though.

damn my skin: I think so. Just don't expect me to fetch your pipe.

shaw 2.0: Aww. You're no fun.

damn my skin: Okay, but... um... no aprons.

shaw 2.0: No aprons. Promise. I may be forced to get you some obnoxiously cute bunny slippers, though, just for the hell of it.

damn my skin: Hee. I have bunny jammies...

damn my skin: They're the jammies of chastity +2.

shaw 2.0: Well, then you obviously need matching slippers.

damn my skin: Indeed. I don't think Logan likes the bunny jammies, so I'll save them for you. :)

shaw 2.0: Again, you spoil me. Should I be investing in boxer shorts with hearts all over them to make it even?

damn my skin: I'll get you some matching jammies when I'm in town. The ones with the smilies all over them. *g*

shaw 2.0: That works. I still have that tie Jake got me for Christmas, so smilies are good.

damn my skin: Note to self: get batteries for digital camera.

shaw 2.0: Oh, God. Do I at least get revenge in the form of bunny pictures?

damn my skin: I know no shame. You are welcome to take pictures of me in bunny jammies. I should have gotten you to take pics of Ali and I last night.

shaw 2.0: I don't know.. if Logan or Sam caught me with those, I think I'd find myself sent to Doctor McCoy in a bucket.

damn my skin: Nah. Logan'd just make you hand them over. *grins*

shaw 2.0: Well, he's welcome to copies if I ever get the opportunity again. *grins*

damn my skin: Mmm. You might. Or a variation on the theme. That was too fun not to do something like that again. Though I think we'll have to just go naked except for the shoes next time to top those outfits.

shaw 2.0: I'd suggest future Club functions, but I'm not sure if those would go any better. Selene doesn't seem like the sort to make a move for anybody in such a public forum.. she was just defending herself and her victim, last evening. Hrm.

damn my skin: I wouldn't mind going again. ...see, this is why I stay in the X-Men. "Look! Death and trauma!... (a week later)...I could do that again."

shaw 2.0: Lets your feel useful, too, I imagine. When they actually do something, at least.

damn my skin: Yes, but that's not why I do it.

damn my skin: I can be useful teaching, too.

shaw 2.0: True. Why do you do it? I'm genuinely curious. I feel useful teaching, but not.. as useful.

damn my skin: The fact that I owe them my life probably has a lot to do with it. And the fact that I know Erik Lensherr (Magneto -- hate that name), both as his victim and as someone who's seen his mind, and someone has to be there to stand against people like him and to make sure that we don't create a world that will breed more like him. And I believe in Charles. So I'll let him use me to a good end instead of letting someone else take me and use me. And maybe this way, things will change. I'm already broken, S. Some good might as well come of me.

shaw 2.0: I don't think you're broken, Marie. A little roughed up around the edges, perhaps, but far from broken.

damn my skin: You don't know me yet, S. Not a lot of people do. No. I'd classify myself as broken, in all honesty. But I'm still mostly functional, so I'll keep going.

shaw 2.0: You aren't broken until you stop fighting, Marie.

damn my skin: *grins* Oh, I don't think that's a problem. It's getting me to stop that's the issue.

shaw 2.0: Well, there you are. You aren't broken, by your own admission. *grins smugly*

damn my skin: S... maybe we're misdefining broken here. I don't know.

shaw 2.0: Entirely possible. All I know is, by my definition, you aren't broken. Too stubborn to be. *grins*

damn my skin: Live with me a while. You might change your mind. ...look. Um. Speaking of brokenness and living together.

shaw 2.0: Yes'm?

damn my skin: I cut... or I used to. I used to cut or peel off skin in designs and then spend days after making sure it scarred. It was pretty intense there for a while but I've held out for a long time. It's still really hard not to and I could slip up again. I feel like if you're going to live with me, you should know that. You already know about the random crying. And there's sometimes random bouts of being sick if I get too upset, so don't worry if that happens. You don't have to do anything. I just figure you should know what's up so you don't get bothered.

shaw 2.0: I'm a worrier, luv. It's what I do. But.. mm. I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me. If you ever need anything, even if it's just holding your hair back when you're sick, I'm willing. Does Logan know?

damn my skin: Yes. And if I slip up on the cutting, he'll know before I do it, if I can tell him. He won't stop me, but we have an agreement to talk first.

shaw 2.0: That's reassuring. I'll not interfere, then. Just give me some warning, and we're good. And.. hm.

damn my skin: You don't have to do anything, like I said. I just figured you should kind of... know. I'd hate to freak you out or leave awkward silences, you know?

shaw 2.0: I know. No awkward silences here. I understand. Not the same method of getting comfort, as it were, but I understand.

damn my skin: Fair enough.

shaw 2.0: It's like looking into some Bizarro-universe mirror sometimes, I swear.

damn my skin: What is?

shaw 2.0: Us. In a lot of ways. There are obvious differences, but Bizarro and Superman had quite a few, and oh God I'm comparing my life to a comic book.

damn my skin: ...you can be Bizarro. *flees*

shaw 2.0: *snickers* But that would make you Lois Lane, and you know what happened whenever Bizarro came across Lois Lane.

damn my skin: ...no, I don't. Comics are unChristian, S. ;)

shaw 2.0: Blasphemy. I'm enlisting Jamie to get you some culture.

damn my skin: So, what happened?

shaw 2.0: Bizarro had this thing about wanting what was Superman's, since they were in effect the same person. So he'd 'protect' Lois, usually by kidnapping her, and tried to woo her through some very.. er.. bizarre.. methods. His Krypto was much cuter than Clark's, though, I must admit.

damn my skin: Oh... well, you don't have to kidnap me, I live just across the livingroom on weekdays.

shaw 2.0: Ah, but I've kidnapped you before! I was just sneaky and also brought other people. I'm a very suave Bizarro. Who, obviously, didn't get enough sleep last night. ...oh, Alison's just walked in. Should I say hi for you?

damn my skin: Yes, you should. Hi, Ali!

damn my skin: Where are you, anyway?

shaw 2.0: Rec room. Watching Equilibrium to chase away my case of the eh's. Good science fiction heals all.

damn my skin: Mmm. My headache is finally down to a dull chainsaw, so I'm a happy girl. ...then again, I'm being brought dinner by a shirtless man (who's a good cook, but don't tell anyone), so of /course/ I'm a happy girl.

shaw 2.0: Your secret is safe with me, I promise. Dinner.. hm. That might be a good idea. Ali's on her way to feed Doctor McCoy, and if he's getting fed before me, I'm obviously past due for food.

damn my skin: Definitely. Fend for yourself tonight and I'll cook for you tomorrow.

shaw 2.0: Bet I can get Ali to feed me.

damn my skin: I bet you can too. You're resourceful that way.

shaw 2.0: I am. I can bribe her. With pictures of me in smiley-face pajamas, as dangerous as letting those fall into her hands may be.

damn my skin: Eee! Indeed. God. Do not let her have the bunny pics of me.

shaw 2.0: I won't, unless I need to bribe *you* into something. But it'd have to be very dire, I promise.

damn my skin: *giggles* Okay.