Email to [Full House]
Dec. 30th, 2022 02:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_communicationTo: [Full House; Whole Mansion; Seriously This Is Everyone; GDI How Many More People Are Gonna Show Up; Yet More People; Okay Wait Why Are People Leaving Now]
From: [Barton, Clinton]
Subject: RE: Vending Machine
Okay, so first off, yes. I know I don't have to create a new email list every time we add someone new to the mansion, but I legitimately almost never have to email the entire mansion so don't judge me.
Second thing, I think we might have a whacky, jokey ghost thing in the Chapel maybe. Like, the spirit of someone who thought the 12 Days of Christmas were hilarious or something and decided to make us deal with them in strange ways. We didn't figure it out until today. We're monitoring it, seriously, no one has experienced any physical, mental, or any other kind of harm thus far, we're just very confused.
For example, yesterday we decided to avoid eating out of the vending machine, thinking we might avoid whatever it wanted to throw at us. Instead, precisely at 0400, the vending machine started singing like different birds (thank Matt for that fact, since he's the only one who was paying attention to the different details of the ridiculous bird noises) every half hour. With every new kind of bird that did the singing/squawking/cooing whatever, the vending machine spit out bird facts and thought it'd be cute to pretend to give us options like, "press any button to stop" and if we did that, it just gave us more bird facts.
DID YOU KNOW: Birds are warm-blooded vertebrate animals that lay eggs. One feature that distinguishes birds from other animals is their feathers. While most birds fly, others, like penguins and ostriches, are flightless birds. However, all birds have feathers, and only birds have feathers.
Anyway, that all stopped at 2000 yesterday night. Yes, we timed it. Yes, we recorded all the bird sounds. Yes, we kept all the random bird facts. We'll verify that all of them are correct and all the other stuff is whatever it is sometime today.
HOWEVER, in an effort to avoid whatever terrible thing might have happened regarding five golden rings and this vending machine's sense of humor... I bought something from it this morning and. Let me tell you, friends, it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I wanted to avoid a weird thing so I tried to and now I've got the weird thing.
Five golden cock rings, to be precise. I apologize to anybody who might be weirded out by the mention of those sorts of things, but for documentation purposes, needs must. Alani got five pineapple flavored ring pops. We've also gotten five golden-fried onion rings with a packet of Carolina Gold sauce, five actual rings - real gold cause I tested it in the lab, a bag of five Funyons the size of those floaties people put on children so they don't drown in pools, and what Darcy promised me were British regular chip/crisp things even though they're called Hula Hoops. No very large, circular children's playthings have arrived thus far.
We assume this five golden rings thing will continue for the full twenty-four hours, so if you're interested in updates, feel free.
Thanks,
Clint
From: [Barton, Clinton]
Subject: RE: Vending Machine
Okay, so first off, yes. I know I don't have to create a new email list every time we add someone new to the mansion, but I legitimately almost never have to email the entire mansion so don't judge me.
Second thing, I think we might have a whacky, jokey ghost thing in the Chapel maybe. Like, the spirit of someone who thought the 12 Days of Christmas were hilarious or something and decided to make us deal with them in strange ways. We didn't figure it out until today. We're monitoring it, seriously, no one has experienced any physical, mental, or any other kind of harm thus far, we're just very confused.
For example, yesterday we decided to avoid eating out of the vending machine, thinking we might avoid whatever it wanted to throw at us. Instead, precisely at 0400, the vending machine started singing like different birds (thank Matt for that fact, since he's the only one who was paying attention to the different details of the ridiculous bird noises) every half hour. With every new kind of bird that did the singing/squawking/cooing whatever, the vending machine spit out bird facts and thought it'd be cute to pretend to give us options like, "press any button to stop" and if we did that, it just gave us more bird facts.
DID YOU KNOW: Birds are warm-blooded vertebrate animals that lay eggs. One feature that distinguishes birds from other animals is their feathers. While most birds fly, others, like penguins and ostriches, are flightless birds. However, all birds have feathers, and only birds have feathers.
Anyway, that all stopped at 2000 yesterday night. Yes, we timed it. Yes, we recorded all the bird sounds. Yes, we kept all the random bird facts. We'll verify that all of them are correct and all the other stuff is whatever it is sometime today.
HOWEVER, in an effort to avoid whatever terrible thing might have happened regarding five golden rings and this vending machine's sense of humor... I bought something from it this morning and. Let me tell you, friends, it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I wanted to avoid a weird thing so I tried to and now I've got the weird thing.
Five golden cock rings, to be precise. I apologize to anybody who might be weirded out by the mention of those sorts of things, but for documentation purposes, needs must. Alani got five pineapple flavored ring pops. We've also gotten five golden-fried onion rings with a packet of Carolina Gold sauce, five actual rings - real gold cause I tested it in the lab, a bag of five Funyons the size of those floaties people put on children so they don't drown in pools, and what Darcy promised me were British regular chip/crisp things even though they're called Hula Hoops. No very large, circular children's playthings have arrived thus far.
We assume this five golden rings thing will continue for the full twenty-four hours, so if you're interested in updates, feel free.
Thanks,
Clint
no subject
Date: 2022-12-30 11:53 pm (UTC)From: [vodak bro number two]
WELCOME TO BIRB FACTS
Also lmao five golden cock rings. *Miss Piggy yelling BA DUM BUM BUM.wav* Are you regifting?
XD
no subject
Date: 2022-12-31 01:31 am (UTC)From: [Clint]
Bro. BRO.
I mean, if you want one of the Funyons or something. I dunno what happened to the actual gold rings. I'm sure Matt would share some of his pears.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-31 02:07 am (UTC)From: [dougie did it]
Bro, I ABSOLUTELY want a giant-size Funyun.
Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 12:38 am (UTC)Also why have y'all not just been bringing me something back from it every day? That's rude. I BROUGHT YOU BEACH TREATS.
Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:10 am (UTC)also, it's been a minute since I've played with a cock ring. could be fun so long as it's not from my brother.
Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:14 am (UTC)Well. Do some very fast shopping or sweet talk the vending machine and we'll see about it. We're still meeting you at Foggy's after the Gala tomorrow night, yeah? Maybe make Foggy do some fast shopping since he's actually in the City.
Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:15 am (UTC)I can hear Foggy grumbling already because this means he has to put on pants.
Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:16 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:21 am (UTC)Email reply to Darcy, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:33 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Darcy, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:35 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Darcy, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:39 am (UTC)Oh right I forgot to ask. Those cock rings: real gold, gold-plated stainless steel, gold silicone, other??? Gimme deets.
Besides are you currently getting any? No. You might as well live vicariously through your brother being a good Catholic pervert.
Email reply to Darcy, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:45 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Darcy, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:51 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:33 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:34 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:39 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:42 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:47 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:49 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:54 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:55 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:56 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 01:57 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 02:00 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Clint, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 02:51 am (UTC)The vending machine uses power? It has a computer chip or several inside, right? Can I try to talk to it?
Email reply to Darcy, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 02:53 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Darcy, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 02:58 am (UTC)Surprise???
Email reply to Darcy, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 03:02 am (UTC)Yes, please come talk to the vending machine. It has a computer and circuitry and buttons to push and needs electric power to function. I think. We actually haven't tried to unplug it. That seems weirdly cruel to me? Since it might be sentient? I don't wanna kill it. God, did Forge create life???
Re: Email reply to Darcy, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 03:12 am (UTC)Um, if it IS sentient I am more inclined to blame the wormhole than Forge, I am pretty sure that was just a standard delivery from Japan. I mean. He's probably got the capability??? If you do unplug it and it still works without having a standard backup power supply I DEFINITELY blame the wormhole.
But I can do... limited communication with it even if it is Just A Weird Vending Machine.
Also sorry for forgetting to tell you I'm still keeping it they need to or I want them to know and we haven't really hung out lately anywhere I'd speak it out loud so I honestly just forgot. So it's like. Kevin, Ange, Jubes (because she figured it out), Doug, Matt, and you.
Re: Email reply to Darcy, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 03:15 am (UTC)give me a dollar when you have a chance.
Re: Email reply to Darcy, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 03:16 am (UTC)Re: Email reply to Darcy, CC Matt and Doug
Date: 2022-12-31 03:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-12-31 01:46 am (UTC)I know a nice* man who'll buy the gold. He'll tell you his name is Fingers McGee because it sounds cool but you'll get a better deal if you point out that Fingers McGee is a stupid name for a guy called Nathan.
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Date: 2022-12-31 05:18 am (UTC)