xp_communication | Jun. 1st, 2005

Jun. 1st, 2005

x-cable.livejournal.com

To: [Morrow, Saul]
From: [Dayspring, Nathan]
Subject: hello

I've been told that you've been briefed by someone from the taskforce, which I suppose saves me some fairly lengthy explanations.

If there's anything else you want to know about what happened to me at Mistra, you can ask. I'm not guaranteeing an answer. There are details I can't give you - I assume they had you sign a non-disclosure agreement, so you understand that a lot is and always will be classified - and some questions that I don't feel comfortable answering right now.

I'm having some difficulty knowing what to say here. We didn't part on the best of terms, and I don't have many fond memories of you, to put it mildly. I suppose the only reason I'm doing this is because I don't like closing doors until I know what's behind them.

If it matters to you, I've been putting my life back together. It hasn't been easy, but I've had lots of help from the people who care about me.

There are things I wanted to ask you, but I thought I should wait until I heard what you had to say. If you had anything to say.

Nathan

x-cable.livejournal.com

To: [Dayspring, Nathan]
From: [Morrow, Saul]
Subject: re: hello

Nathan,

I have been sitting here all day trying to respond to your email. It's very difficult to know what to say from this end, as well. To say that I was shocked by the phone call from the FBI would be putting it mildly - your mother and I searched for you for so long, with no success. I'm ashamed to say that not long after her death, I lost hope. I'm not proud of that, but it had been so many years with no word, and without her... I retreated, in a sense, into my work.

Before I say anything else, I need you to know how thankful I am that you're alive, and as well as can be expected given everything that you've been through. I had imagined so many horrific possibilities, but the truth seems to have been worse. The two FBI agents who came to see me in San Francisco did give me what seemed like a fairly lengthy briefing on Mistra. Perhaps it only seemed that way because the details were so appalling, though, and because each and every detail reminded me over and over about how completely I failed as a father to you.

I don't know what you mean by parting on bad terms. Unless you were angry about something the day you disappeared, Nathan, and I have to admit that I didn't realize it if that was the case. Maybe I have no right to ask this - but did you run away? We always knew that was a possibility. There were times your mother and I had hoped it was the case, simply because that meant there was a better chance that you were alive and well somewhere.

I'm so grateful that you chose to get in contact with me once the option was presented to you, but I'm not going to push. This has to happen at the pace you choose, I know that, and I won't jeopardize the chance to connect with you again after all these years.

Please, whatever questions you have, whatever you need to know, ask. There are things I would like to ask you, but they can wait. You're what's important here.

Saul