Email to Amanda

[x-cable.livejournal.com]

To: [herb girl]
From: [captain influenza]
Subject: Illyana

I would have asked you to come to hear me say this in person, but I'm probably still contagious and Moira would kick my ass if she found me doing anything other than sleeping.

I saw your letter, though, and I had to say something. From you to me, not to the staff as a whole, because I know we've talked about this before. I know you're worried, Amanda... I also know you're scared. But you've done everything you can. Strange knows what's going on. The Professor and the rest of the staff know what you're worried about.

We know there's something very odd going on with Illyana. But whatever the source of it, she's no different from the rest of you. She's one of our students, and she quite obviously needs our help.

I really don't know what to say to you, mi'caehla. I want to help, but I don't understand how I can. You say she's dangerous, that she needs watching... so are and so do you. So does a really alarming proportion of the student body. So do a truly scary number of the staff. I know, this is where you tell me that there's a difference between human danger and demon danger, and I believe you. I do. But that doesn't change the fact that we're here to protect you from it, wherever it comes from.

Even if there's something demonic about her... soul, however you phrase it, do you really think that's all there is? Doesn't she deserve the chance to be helped through whatever it is that's causing demons to come after her? We take risks here. We take risks on each other. Sometimes it comes back to bite us on the ass - okay, a little too often for my liking lately. But that can't stop us from doing it, because otherwise this school and everything it's supposed to stand for doesn't mean a damned thing.

This is going to sound... fuck, I can't even believe I'm typing this, but someone has to say it. You're going to run yourself into the ground over this. I want you to think practically, all right? The only person hurt the last time was Illyana herself, and she's recovering. Yes, the next time, if there is one, might be worse. Add that to the thousand and one other worst-case scenarios that could hit us at any given moment. Maybe they're not demonic in origin, but they could wind up doing just as much or more damage as another invasion from Limbo. You have to stop. You are not being crazy, or paranoid, but you are doing damage to yourself because of what might be. More problems from Limbo aren't a given, however terrifying a prospect they are.

You are scaring the hell out of me with this, and if I thought I could get away with siccing Moira and Leonard on you, or packing you back off to Dom for another week, I would.

Nathan

Comments

Subject: Stopping

[xp_daytripper]

To: [old man]
From: [trouble]

Hah. Got this just as I was about to head down - or up, depends where she is - to see Moira and get some of those evil little green pills of hers.. Alison got to me first.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for acting crazy and for not letting this go. Over-reacted, I guess. I never said Illyana didn't deserve to be helped - I _said_ she needed help in that email of mine - but I'm tired of everyone patting me on the head and saying "there there, it's fine" when they have no fucking clue. Remember what I said? Help her, sure, be there for her, all the bloody rest of it, but go in with your eyes open. Get all the facts. You look at Illyana's post, she hasn't changed at all. She'll fight to keep those secrets of hers and damn the rest of us. You say you can't protect us if you don't have all the information - all I'm asking is that someone make sure they try and get it this time.

But I'm leaving it. You won't hear another word out of me, and I'll do what I have been and avoid her. I needed someone to listen to me, and I've had my answer.

A.

Just... scaring the hell out of me, that's all...

[x-cable.livejournal.com]

And you were not acting crazy. I wouldn't even say you were overreacting. You have good reason to be afraid of the sort of thing Illyana's apparently wrapped up in, and... oh, screw English.

~I have no enemy to fight. She is not the enemy, she is reclaimed, and although she may react as the enemy does, we have to fight for her. Bring her back to us.~

~The information is being sought. The information would have been sought had you not said a word. The enemy was on our soil and we must defend against it.~

~What I cannot fight, though I wish I could, is your fear. You may no longer pursue it, but silencing yourself will not defeat it, either.~

Nathan

Sorry. Again.

[xp_daytripper]

I was just trying to do the right thing, by the school, by you lot... even by Illyana, tho' you probably won't believe it. And I'm sorry to not trust the staff here, but it's happened so many times before that something's happened, and then we're told "we didn't know". I just wanted to make sure, to have someone tell me "We're dealing with it." None of the staff said a word to me the last time this came up. And maybe they don't have to, but you know, it would have helped. Helped me sleep better. Helped me not be so fucking scared all the time. I don't need to know the details, just that someone's taking this seriously. Taking _me_ seriously.

Besides, demon dimensions aren't exactly anyone's realm of experience, except maybe Kylun. He was a lot of help, actually. You can't blame me for being sceptical - half the bloody staff still don't believe in this stuff.

~The fear... is sometimes more than me. I'm trying to fight it, but it's hard to see the way sometimes. I think I'm beginning to find the path, but I need time. When the moment is right, I'll come to you with a request for assistance.~

~Return to bed - you need sleep to recover your strength.~

A.

I do believe you...

[x-cable.livejournal.com]

I believe you without question when you say that. If it was just fear for yourself, it wouldn't be driving you to distraction like this.

As for what the staff have said, or haven't said, or should have said... I'm going to be honest here, Amanda. I don't know. It's so difficult to try and balance in a situation like this. We don't turn a blind eye to things deliberately. We don't neglect the collateral damage of situations like this deliberately. But it seems like we do, whether we intend to or not, and I'm sorry. I can't speak for anyone else, but I can say I'll try to do better.

I'm glad Kylun was able to help you. If you need anything from me... ~I'm here, heart and mind.~

Nathan

Thank you.

[xp_daytripper]

For all of it.

Now go back to bed. ;)

A.