Email to Amanda

[x-cable.livejournal.com]

To: [mi'caehla]
From: [old man]
Subject: so, I'm a bit of an ass...

Although Alison, in her defense, didn't use that word. It's not that I was ignoring your emails, it was just that I was stomping around in a huff for several days after we got back and not paying much attention to the world beyond the end of my nose. Then Angie and I had a joint precognitive episode - you'll have to read about it yourself, it's really too bizarre for me to summarize in a couple of sentences - and I'm rather hungover. Yes, I do mean hungover. Nearly twenty-four hours later. (We're both all right, by the way, so don't worry.)

Moira and the baby are all right, too. I should have realized you'd be worried, still, but again with the not-thinking. I've been awfully selfish this week, all obsessed with what I can and can't do - people around here have been surprisingly tolerant, but because you're away, you got silence instead. Which may have led you to start thinking I was thinking things I'm really not. I don't blame anyone but Selene for what happened, and what happened doesn't change anything between us, as far as I'm concerned. I wish it hadn't happened, obviously, and it makes me very worried about what she might do in the future, exorcism or no exorcism, but... well, I'm not supposed to be dwelling on the what-ifs, apparently.

I read your entry. You realize if it's been a year for you, pretty soon it'll have been a year for me, too? You and I have something else in common, trouble; I don't think I would have made it without this place, either. And you'd be on my list. If I had one. Which I don't.

Fuck, I need to sleep... you take care, all right? It might be hard, what you're about to do, but it might be wonderful, too. I'll hope for the best for you. And look forward to you getting bad, because you need to tell me what an idiot I am.

Because I am an idiot. Forgive me? I'll buy you a pony?

Nate

Comments

Subject: You're not angry?!

[xp_daytripper]

To: [old man]
From: [trouble]

Okay, now I'm really glad I got the boys to hook this PDA thing up for me properly, since I can get email on it, and there yours was. And I can reply, which is just as well, since I'm on a train right now with Wanda and Kurt heading for where the Szardos family are camped, and I'm bouncing between being bored and being nervous. Which is a bloody weird combination, I can tell you. And I keep feeling it's stupid to be worried about whether they like me or not, since I don't give a toss, right? Only I think I do. I don't know why, but I don't want them to think I'm some kind of monster after what Rack did. I know I'm not, only I'm worried they will, once they find out what happened. Let alone the stuff with Selene.

Gah. Fuck it. It doesn't matter either way. You lot know the score, and that's the important thing.

I don't have full access to the journals, since the boys were being good and not hacking into the school's systems, so I'll have to check out this whole pre-cog thing when I get back, but shame on you, giving minors things that give you hangovers. ;)

And I should be mad at you for being a plonker and not talking to me for so long and making me think you were angry at me for what happened - especially since I don't remember any of it, and Rom wouldn't tell me what I did, so it had to be bad, right? But I'm not mad - I'm just so glad to hear from you. I missed talking to you, and to Angelo, and Moira. I should have figured you'd be looking after her and the baby, tho', after what happened on Muir. I'm glad they're all right, and you're all right, and I'm babbling at you now. Nerves, I s'pose.

You do realise you just offered to buy me a pony, don't you? Aren't you worried I'll take you up on it? *grins*

Love,

Amanda.