Email to Scott:

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

To: (Mr. Summers)
From: (Doug)
Subject: I am annoyed. Maybe you noticed.



I did not mean any real disrespect to you or your turtle. I like your turtle. He wasn't in any danger, and I -did- check first to see if he was likely to come to any harm. It won't happen again. Ever.

I was trying to be funny, and make a joke at a little of my own expense. If I had honestly thought you would make me go on a very long run at five in the morning for mentioning the turtle-Roomba incident, I would not have made it.

If whatever it was that you wanted me to learn never got learned, maybe you should have told me what I was supposed to be learning in the first place, besides that I should 1. not keep my plans to myself and 2. that throwing myself into situations I am not prepared for is a bad idea, and 3. that I watch too many movies and read too many comic books and have no idea what you guys put yourselves through, and 4. that I shouldn't ever, ever, ever mention how stupid I was and how much it hurt, because it'll just get people pissed at me, no matter what my intentions were in mentioning it.

Was there anything I neglected to mention there? Oh, maybe 5. If you're seventeen and do something incredibly stupid but noble, everyone will ride your ass, but if you're sixteen and an arrogant mouthy asshole who thinks anyone who has any social success is a sell-out, then you get to play with all the neat toys.

Please don’t tell me “You could have asked.” I took your engineering class, you never offered. I got an –A- in that class. Forge walks in the –door- and gets to play with the Blackbird? What gives, sir?

If this is –still- about the fact that I was an idiot, then –tell me what I need to do to fix it—because I am out of ideas. I tried apologizing, I tried doing what you asked, I learned my lesson. No more heroics, leave it to the people who know what they’re doing. What more do you want?

-Doug

Comments

Reply to Doug

[x-cyclops.livejournal.com]

It's about time you started asking some of these questions. Even in that tone. I was beginning to think you were going to be passive about this forever.

I wanted you to learn that there was nothing noble or heroic about what you did. I wanted that out of your head, completely, and as far as I can tell, I didn't manage it. You're willing to admit where you went wrong in the implementation, but what have you said, the last two times you've mentioned the incident? On the journals, you brought it up as you taking a bullet to save Rahne's life. Here, you've called what you did 'stupid but noble'.

Maybe we need our illusions, in situations like this. You need to be able to tell yourself that because your intentions were good and because no one died, that there's some redeeming value in what you did after all. You're probably right. It's not as bad as it could have been, and post nervous-breakdown, I can appreciate that.

But you're still showing me exactly the same behavioral patterns that led you to do what you did. You've been quietly simmering away about this for months, rather than coming to me and asking me what was up, why we were doing what we were doing. I can only assume that frustration drove you to finally fly off the handle at me. That's not ideal, but at least you have said something, finally. Still, acting with your heart instead of your head was what nearly got you killed. You didn't tell anyone about the visions out of fear and pride, and I'd be willing to bet that both were a factor in why you didn't speak up about this before.

On a personal level, Doug, what do you want from me? I've told you that our 'remedial work' is over. I won't be tormenting you on a regular basis any longer.

As for Forge... I'm not touching that. It's not my business to intervene in relationships between students. I will however point out that I took my entire Engineering class down to get a close-up look at the Blackbird last term, and Forge has access to materials and resources you don't because it's part of developing his mutant ability. If you feel you're not being given the opportunities you'd like, again, you have to tell us. Not all of us are mindreaders.

And as for Horatio... I'm sorry, Doug, I still don't find that funny. Just call me humorless on that score.

Scott