xp_communication | E-mail to Amanda

x-jubilee.livejournal.com posting in

To: [Amanda]
From: [Jubilee]

Subject:

Did you like? Got it from the store Betsy gave me a gift certificate for. There's all kinds of stuff in that place, not just strange clothing.

Pretty cool, really. Went shopping with Lorna the other day and got a bunch of stuff. (Got some pressies for other people too, but I'm still thinking of sneaky ways to deliver those so shhh.)

Now, to the most important question. Did the delivery make you laugh? Alfred likes to know if he's been well received. Knew him back in Cali ages ago but he's been doing a business course near here at nights. Totally knew nothing about it till I saw an advertisement in the paper and gave them a call. Small world, hey? He gets a huge kick out of making people laugh, which he says is a good thing considering they'd be laughing at him anyway, so might as well turn it into a plus rather then a negative.

Current Mood: hopeful

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From:

xp_daytripper

To: [Jubilee]
From: [Amanda]

Yes, I like, yes he made me laugh (hard not to when you've got a large
man in a nappy singing at you with a bunch of balloons in hand), and yes
you are still completely barking insane. Was me forgiving you that bloody
important to you?

A.

From:

x-jubilee.livejournal.com

The short honest answer, no tough girl posturing or anythin'? Yeah, it was
that important.

From:

xp_daytripper

Since we're being honest here... why?

From:

x-jubilee.livejournal.com

Because I made a mistake, and I didn't want it to cost me the chance of a
friend. Hank keeps telling me I've got to let people know that I'm not
always going to understand things. I still think he's being a bit of a
softy but it's true I don't always realise what I'm doing or saying is the
wrong thing till afterwards. So, that's the truth. I don't expect you to go
soft on me, or give me any slack cause I don't know the right way to do
things sometimes. Just want a chance to make things right, do things the
right way this time. (Okay, so I'm not exactly sure what the right
way is but if you can maybe tell me what topics to stay away from, I'll do
my best to steer clear.)

From:

xp_daytripper

Doesn't answer my question, tho' - why is being my friend so bloody important to you? I don't want to go back to hating you like before, but I don't get why it's such a big deal you be my friend. Why anyone does really. There's stuff neither of us understands, and I don't understand why it is people want to be my friend - not in a 'I'm a horrible person' sort of way, more a 'I've never had people wanting to before I came here' way.

From:

x-jubilee.livejournal.com

Dude, put me on the spot. But okay.

Let's see, it's kinda hard sometimes to really sit down and list out why
you think someone's worthwhile knowing.

You got a strength not a lot of people have. Growin' up like I did, it's
somethin' I admire. The ability to go on, even if the whole fucking world
is fallin' down around you. I know if I got in a tight spot I could count
on you not falling apart on me. (Yeah, there's been times when you did fall
apart but I think if it was important, you'd push all that back and stand
when you needed to.)

You're not false like a lot of people are. You tell me what you think,
although you've probably got a lot more tact then I have. (Something I've
got to learn, the difference between honesty and just being hurtful. I
don't always know that.)

You care about people, even if you don't like them much. To the point of
actually hurting yourself because you think it'll help with the healing.
(Although, to be honest, you shouldn't be hurting yourself. I don't think
anyone that cared about you more then a jot would expect it.) But, I know
how you grew up, ya know? And to come out of that and still *care*.
Especially when it's people that aren't 'your' people. That takes a huge
amount of character.

I respect strength (all kinds), and kindness more then a lot of other
things. I've found that those two are probably the most important above and
beyond anything else you might show to the world.

Even when you hated me, I remember the dream and how you were with my
younger self. I remember you sittin' with me up on the flyer's platform,
even if at the time it was because you thought you owed me something.

Besides, you're a lot of fun, just in general. (From what I remember when
we weren't snarking at each other.) You know how to go out dancing, and you
know how to take a joke (At least when it's not one that's pushing your
buttons.) And you know how to be sneaky when you have to be. (Something
else I have a tendency to admire, since sometimes you've got to know how to
go in a back way when the frontal assault don't work.)

Does that answer it at all? *grins*

P.S: The magic is also very frickin' cool. I will however deny saying that
from this moment on as it makes me look like some kinda band groupie.

From:

xp_daytripper

Yeah, that answers me question. You've given me a lot to think about.

And I probably owe you an explanation, 'bout why I freaked out so much
about the photos. It came on top of a bad day, and me already feeling
like a freak on account of the whole 'shoulders war' thing and Paige saying everyone should have one icon showing skin. The scars don't matter as much as they did, but I still feel weird about them, you know? And coming on top of Pete leaving, I suppose I was feeling sorry for myself. Then there's you and Manuel making jokes about him taking pictures of you naked, and it hurt. Not that there were photos, or even that you mentioned them, but because you mentioned it in a way and a place that meant Manuel would have to react. And you didn't smack him down when he was flirting with you. Hypocritical of me I know, after that thread about underwear, but at least I could stop that conversation any time I wanted just by saying so. When it's you and Manuel, there's not a lot I can say or do without looking like a psycho jealous cow - which was exactly what I ended up doing, given the email I got from Manuel later.

So, to make it so that sort of thing doesn't happen again, some groundrules, hey? We don't talk about you and Manuel. Ever. It's done,
it's over, and I don't want to hear or think about it, even as a joke from either of us. It's just too bloody difficult for either of us to know when we've hurt the other. The other rule is that when Manuel says _anything_ to you about it, you tell him to take it private. I can't stop him flirting with anything that moves, but I don't have to see the two of you getting all nostalgic about what was, to be honest, one of the worst fucking things in my life. Worse than the addiction, even, and that's saying something.

You stick to that, and we're good. And if there's anything you want to
suggest, go ahead.

This doesn't make us friends, but it stops us being enemies. There's
too fucking much to forgive off the bat, but you've given me a reason to
try, and even while I was hating you, I still understood you, y'know? Seems to me that it could be a good thing for both of us.

From:

x-jubilee.livejournal.com

Deal. Same here, with the understanding. Only thing I could really suggest is tell me if I'm goin' too far? With anything, really. I have a tendency to push people till I know where their breaking point is. Problem with that is, it's not something I consciously do. It's just a hang over from when I needed to know stuff like that to survive. Although, maybe I just need to learn how to use that properly, rather then get rid of it entirely.

And now, I need to get back to studying or these finals are going to kick my ass in a very bad way.