Email to Amanda

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

To: Sexton, Amanda
From: Dane, Lorna
Subject: I'm sorry.

Amanda


I had no right to talk to you that way. I was upset and...he scares me. And you with him scared me and you're a safer target than he is. I'm so so sorry. I should never have said any of that to you. I was wrong and I know it. Please forgive me.

Actually, no, there was one thing I said that I'm going to stick by. I do know all about trying to destroy yourself. And I know that getting over it is harder than giving in. But...take the hard road with me, won't you? I owe you too much for you to leave us.

--Lorna

Comments

[xp_daytripper]

(timestamp Saturday 13/3/2004 17:01)

To: LDane@xaviers.ny.edu (Lorna Dane)
From: ASefton@xaviers.ny.edu (Amanda Sefton)

Subject: Re: I'm sorry.

They weren't letting me at the computer much before I left, but now I've got five minutes to meself and I'm not drugged to the eyeballs, I can answer this. Or try to.

There's this... ritual Rom's performing tomorrow for me, a cleansing ritual. Something to get rid of all the shite I've been carrying around the past couple of months. And part of preparing meself for that ritual is to try and make peace with meself, and with those that don't mean me harm, but might have done it any way - separate the deliberate bad from the accidental, I s'pose. And you're falling into the accidental part.

What you said... it was horrible and awful and exactly the wrong thing to say to me at the time. But if it hadn't been you, it would have been something else that tipped me over. There had just been too much and I couldn't cope with anything any more.

I can't say how sorry I am for how things turned out. I was weak and stupid and selfish, and Rom's told me I'm not supposed to be thinking bad things about meself right now, but it's fucking hard. Because I let you down and I let meself down, and worst of all, I was a coward about it. I should have told someone what happened straight away, and I shouldn't have kept going back to Manny afterwards. Remy was right to hate me for it.

Bugger. Gunna have to start again with that whole 'free me mind of negative feelings' drill.

You don't owe me a thing, Lorna. But sometimes the road ain't so hard if you know someones's walking it. You keep an eye out for me, and I'll do the same, okay?

A.