E-mail to Manuel

[x-jubilee.livejournal.com]

To: [Manny]
From: [Jubes]
Subject:

Manny,

I noticed something in your replies to what I said on the journals. And, I think I only have half a story on something, and maybe if I could know what it is that you went through, I might understand more of how you are now. If you're willing to tell me that story, I'd like to hear it.

Comments

Reply Email

[x-empath.livejournal.com]

From: [Manuel]
To: [Jubilation]
Subject: The Story

I'll give you the short version, as I'm too tired and too cranky to type out the long one.

I left home at fourteen when my father poisoned my mother. Lived on the streets until I was fifteen or sixteen - I forget now - when a trumped-up charge and some clever lawyer-ing had me committed as mentally unstable.

Come to think of it, it wasn't trumped-up at all. I was unstable. My power had manifested, and I had even less shielding than I do now. I didn't know who I was, I was whoever was around me at the time.

I spent four years or so in that hellhole, being poked and prodded and experimented on by the doctors. My power was controlled chemically, whether or not I wanted them to or not.

I don't know if you remember or not, but I have some fairly specific trauma related to parts of my body. This is because they were used to feed me drugs the, err, hard way. Since I wouldn't swallow oral medication and I wouldn't permit them to drip it into my veins via an IV.

So - to be blunt - they raped me with the medication. Crammed it right up in there.

The doctors were fascinated by the possibilities inherent in projective and receptive empathy. I was "persuaded" to investigate many mental disorders from the inside, so that new medications could be tested for efficiency. And sometimes, just because watching me howl made the orderlies laugh. Psychosis, all sorts of manias, schizophrenia, bipolar, suicidal tendencies, self-destructive tendencies, you name it, I felt it. In depth.

You ever hear the song "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane? One drug makes you big, one drug makes you small?

I know _exactly_ what they're talking about.

I was also being trained as a mindbreaker - to get a target to confess, to spill their every intimate detail. How'd I do it?

They loved me, of course. I was their parent, their child, their most trusted friend. All at the same time. So of course they could tell me anything.

And for those who resisted, who clung to what they knew was right, I was their worst nightmare given form.

Manuel

Re: Reply Email

[x-jubilee.livejournal.com]

From: [Jubilee]
To: [Manny]
Subject: Long delayed reply

Sorry it took me so long. Just needed to think about what to say.

Firstly, thankyou for sharing that with me. You didn't have to but it explains a lot of things I didn't understand before. I'm not entirely sure what else to say. This was so much worse then I ever thought. Heck, I never thought you'd been through something like that. You were always so into your whole family thing.

I meant what I said to Nathan though, going to take him up on that training. So, you know, at least you guys will have one more person with quieter emotions/thoughts around the place.

Re: Reply Email

[x-empath.livejournal.com]

From: [Manuel]
To: [Jubilee]
Subject: I understand.

It wasn't easy to type out for me. I'm doing everything I can on my end to make the walls lighter, stronger, quicker. Because it really isn't fair to everyone to expect them to be quiet all the time.

Even though it's hard to remember that when I'm feeling overwhelmed and cranky and feeling everyone _else_.

A pity we broke off our liaison. There's so much I could have showed you - the power's not all bad. *grins, laughs*

And family was important to me. Still is, even though I don't really have one anymore. I have abandoned so much of the man that I was, the life that I led. I don't want to give that up as well.

Manuel