Email to Manuel
Aug. 26th, 2005 07:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xp_daytripper posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
xp_communicationTo: [de Guzeman, Manuel]
From: [Sefton, Amanda]
Subject: So that's it, then?
I won't let you help me with your powers, so I don't get any help? Knew I was right about you wanting to control me.
A.
From: [Sefton, Amanda]
Subject: So that's it, then?
I won't let you help me with your powers, so I don't get any help? Knew I was right about you wanting to control me.
A.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Reply
Date: 2005-08-27 03:29 am (UTC)To: Sefton, Amanda
Subject: Don't give me that crap
You _didn't want my help_. Now you come crying for it? If I wanted to control you, Amanda, I'd just reach out and do it, and the only warning you'd have is the feel of your mind caving in on itself like soggy cardboard.
We _were_ in this together, remember? You and me versus the world. I wanted you to depend on me, just like you wanted me to depend on you. Nobody was going to stop us.
Now? Now it's not _convenient_. Like you're ashamed of me, like I'm some sort of a needle or a pill or a line on a mirror. Something you _use_.
Not something you love.
You want my help? Fine.
Apologize to me first.
Manuel
Reply
Date: 2005-08-27 03:49 am (UTC)From: Sefton, Amanda
Subject: Fuck that.
Apologise for not wanting to use you since I can't help it when I'm like this? For wanting to do things the right way, instead of the easy way? For wanting to be fucking cured? For trying to do what you've been telling me to do and get some bloody control over myself?
Fuck that and fuck you. I'm done tiptoeing around you and your bloody pride. And I'm buggered if I'm going to let myself depend on you, just to have you piss off when something more attractive comes along.
A.
Reply
Date: 2005-08-27 04:45 am (UTC)To: Sefton, Amanda
Subject: Is that a request?
Because based on your words and emotions, I'd say that it was. Is that what you want?
For me to find someone else? Someone prettier, younger, curvier?
Manuel
Reply
Date: 2005-08-27 06:46 am (UTC)de Guzemande la Rocha, ManuelFrom: Sefton. Amanda
Subject: Like what I want's ever stopped you before.
It's all about you any way - every time something doesn't go your way, you throw a tantrum and whine, like now. I don't want you messing with my emotions, so I'm being an unreasonable bitch.
Do what you like - you'll do whatever you want when you want, and what I want doesn't come into it. I'll never be enough for you, so go ahead. Fuck yourself senseless.
A.
Reply
Date: 2005-08-27 03:59 pm (UTC)To: Sefton, Amanda
Subject: No, you'd like that too much
And I made you a promise, that while we were together it would just be you and me.
And while you might not honor it, I shall.
And how is this _possibly_ about me? This is all you - your desire to ignore my help, your want to do this alone, your shutting me out.
Do not try to claim otherwise.
Manuel
Reply
Date: 2005-08-28 10:52 am (UTC)From: [Amanda]
Subject: Wondered when that particular dig would come up...
I could tell you I haven't cheated on you, but you wouldn't believe me any way. And you know what, I'm sick of this. Sick of arguing, sick of trying to explain why I don't want you using your powers on me to make the cravings go away, sick of all of it. You'll believe whatever you want, regardless, and I don't have it in me to try and make you understand me any more.
Let's just call it quits.
A.
Reply
Date: 2005-08-28 06:44 pm (UTC)To: Amanda
Subject: You're the one who asked me to break my word!
It's not nearly that simple. You're sick - confused, feverish, vomiting. You're not yourself. You beat this thing - with or without my help - and then we can talk it through.
Doing anything now would be rash and foolish. You've said you don't want my help. I don't like it, and I wish you'd change your mind, but I will honor your request and not help you.
You're getting what you want. You should be pleased.
Manuel
Reply
Date: 2005-08-28 11:27 pm (UTC)From: [Amanda]
Subject: Fine.
Once Rom's charm gets here, we can talk. You might find it helpful to talk to the doctors before then - maybe they can explain what I can't about why I don't want you using your powers on me. Try Grey - she and I had a talk about it early on when I decided not to let any of the psis help with their powers. Not even Nate.
And there's more ways to help than just your powers. Someone to keep me company, distract me when things get bad, find food I can keep down, make sure I drink enough water. Hold my hair back while I'm throwing up. That was all I needed of you, not all this... shite.
I'm going to try and sleep now. I won't bother with the email again until Rom's charm gets here. Don't want to do any more damage than I already have, and it only makes me feel worse.
A.