Email to: Sefton, Amanda

[x-empath.livejournal.com]

From: de Guzeman, Manuel
To: Sefton, Amanda
Subject: You have my sympathies.

It can't be easy for you, to have other people's triumphs celebrated loudly and publically when your own, equally-as-important triumphs pass without comment.

Don't lose sight of what you have accomplished just because that glowing ball of psi has been given a body back. Don't let the resentment, the jealousy eat you alive.

Please.

Manuel

PS - I know you've asked for your space, and I respect that, but I can guess that you'd probably not like to be alone tonight. If you want, I'm here for you. For whatever you might desire.

Comments

Subject: Let's pretend

[xp_daytripper]

To: [manuel]
From: [amanda]

... the last couple of months haven't happened. Just for now. I'm just so tired of holding everything back.

It's not jealousy. Well, not all of it. It's... Remember a few months ago? The nightmares and the nosebleeds you got? That was for a miracle, one of mine, something that took everything I had and then some more, only there's no public post about what a great job me and the others involved did, no pats on the back from the staff. It's all a big secret. And I get restrictions and lectures and warnings to the point where I can't even use my powers to help anyone any more.

It's hard, sitting back and watching others not only be allowed to help, but get turned into the resident heroes for it.

And the worst part? People are coming back and being welcomed with open arms. It's great. But... Charlie's still gone. The person whose name I can't mention to you is still gone. Rom's still keeping quiet and Strange is still buggered off somewhere else. Even Beth. I don't want to be a selfish bitch, but I look at all these happy reunions and all I can think about is what's never coming back.

It's not fair. The resident geniuses can do anything. Forge can fix anything. But he stopped helping me after Charlie died, and now it's just me out here on my own, trying to make the right decisions. And people still leave.

I hate this. I hate being so bloody weak, I hate needing like this. See why it's so important to me to get it together? Then stuff like this wouldn't matter. I could use the magic and not have my head explode and not have to worry about things.

A.

Re: Subject: Let's pretend

[x-empath.livejournal.com]

From: Kobaro
To: Sorgin
Subject: I can get behind that idea.

Door's open. Cider's in the fridge, and I've got food up here somewhere. You want to talk, or spend the night, or be taken to bed, or whatever you want, I'm up for.

You have some valid points, but that need you're referring to?

It's called being human.

I've never been in that situation - I always needed someone else to hide behind, to take the feelings away. Now I'm standing alone, and it's a much colder, lonelier existance. I'm still trying to find where the line is between being involved too much and not being involved at all.

I miss you terribly. Come home?

Manuel

Subject: One night isn't giving up.

[xp_daytripper]

To: [manuel]
From: [amanda]

No cider. It reminds me of Valentine's. Not really hungry either.

But I'd like to spend the night. I need to sleep, and I always could do that better with you. Just... nothing else, okay? I can't, not yet. Don't trust myself not to hurt you more.

A.

Reply

[x-empath.livejournal.com]

From: Manuel
To: Amanda
Subject: Of course it's not.

Of course. Cider is banished, and while you're not hungry, I _am_. I hope you won't mind too much if I have a snack.

Give me some moments to straighten up.

Manuel