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xp_communicationTo: Marko, Cain
From: Dayspring, Nathan
Cain,
Going to have to retract my offer to help with the security system, I think, unless you're still going to be tweaking it a few days down the road. Moira's engaging in a little tweaking of her own with the happy antipsychotic pills, and so I keep falling asleep. Fuck, I hate my life.
Nathan
To: Sefton, Amanda
From: Dayspring, Nathan
Well, not really. It just sort of feels like it. I don't mean in the 'I see dead people' sense, either, because thankfully I'm not doing that anymore. Hearing things, yes, but the visual hallucinations are down to just the occasional bit of movement in my peripheral vision. It's enough to keep me in a constant state of mild agitation, even though the medication keeps making me fall asleep, but hey...
So, yeah. Just a little spacey, although my sense of humor seems to be returning and apparently I'm sounding much less schizophrenic today. Moira's actually leaving me alone in the room for a few minutes at a time.
I think... this Homily person of yours might have a point. During my 'walk' I sat down and drew a map on the back of a bunch of napkins, if you can believe that. It's got at least four different languages on it, from the looks of it. Don't remember what I was thinking while I did it, but I'm fairly sure that they wanted me to. (Yes, by they I mean the dead people.) Should be interesting, once Moira can snag Doug, to see what it says.
I saw your last post. Glad the studying's going so well, although you need to watch out for those giant books. Speaking as someone who survived law school, books turn mean and homicidal when you fall asleep on them. And the older they are, the more perverse their sense of humor.
The stuff about your spells... speaking as a total layman, here, but maybe it's not such a bad thing? Even with the having to watch yourself part. If you have to do these bigger spells to keep yourself on an even keel, surely there's as much potential as risk in the situation. Living with power, any kind of power, means walking a very fine line. But if you have to live with it... well, Moira told me about the healing you did, for example. Despite whatever else happened, that seems to me like power put to the purest of good uses.
And now I'm getting all philosophical about things I really know nothing about. I can have Moira smack me upside the head if you want. She's very fond of doing that.
Going to go nap now before I fall asleep typing...
Nate
To: Dom, Bridge
From: Nate
Guys,
It strikes me that I haven't been so good about checking in. I really have no excuse, beyond the fact that I seem to be doing my best to go absolutely batshit insane. Yeah. Things are not going so well. Moira's concluded that my telepathy and my precognition are interacting with effects that mimick schizophrenia. She's got me on an antipsychotic, which seems to be helping, but... well, did I mention that I hate my life?
Anyway, to the favor I need to ask. Dom, Pete's gone errand-running for the CIA in North Korea. Would you stay available for the next couple of weeks, just in case the idiot needs an extraction? He's promised to pay your fee, and I've already told him that if you have to go after him you get to do something suitably embarassing to him. I'm thinking leaving him tied up and stark naked in Seoul somewhere would be fun. Especially if you took pictures.
Nate
From: Dayspring, Nathan
Cain,
Going to have to retract my offer to help with the security system, I think, unless you're still going to be tweaking it a few days down the road. Moira's engaging in a little tweaking of her own with the happy antipsychotic pills, and so I keep falling asleep. Fuck, I hate my life.
Nathan
To: Sefton, Amanda
From: Dayspring, Nathan
Well, not really. It just sort of feels like it. I don't mean in the 'I see dead people' sense, either, because thankfully I'm not doing that anymore. Hearing things, yes, but the visual hallucinations are down to just the occasional bit of movement in my peripheral vision. It's enough to keep me in a constant state of mild agitation, even though the medication keeps making me fall asleep, but hey...
So, yeah. Just a little spacey, although my sense of humor seems to be returning and apparently I'm sounding much less schizophrenic today. Moira's actually leaving me alone in the room for a few minutes at a time.
I think... this Homily person of yours might have a point. During my 'walk' I sat down and drew a map on the back of a bunch of napkins, if you can believe that. It's got at least four different languages on it, from the looks of it. Don't remember what I was thinking while I did it, but I'm fairly sure that they wanted me to. (Yes, by they I mean the dead people.) Should be interesting, once Moira can snag Doug, to see what it says.
I saw your last post. Glad the studying's going so well, although you need to watch out for those giant books. Speaking as someone who survived law school, books turn mean and homicidal when you fall asleep on them. And the older they are, the more perverse their sense of humor.
The stuff about your spells... speaking as a total layman, here, but maybe it's not such a bad thing? Even with the having to watch yourself part. If you have to do these bigger spells to keep yourself on an even keel, surely there's as much potential as risk in the situation. Living with power, any kind of power, means walking a very fine line. But if you have to live with it... well, Moira told me about the healing you did, for example. Despite whatever else happened, that seems to me like power put to the purest of good uses.
And now I'm getting all philosophical about things I really know nothing about. I can have Moira smack me upside the head if you want. She's very fond of doing that.
Going to go nap now before I fall asleep typing...
Nate
To: Dom, Bridge
From: Nate
Guys,
It strikes me that I haven't been so good about checking in. I really have no excuse, beyond the fact that I seem to be doing my best to go absolutely batshit insane. Yeah. Things are not going so well. Moira's concluded that my telepathy and my precognition are interacting with effects that mimick schizophrenia. She's got me on an antipsychotic, which seems to be helping, but... well, did I mention that I hate my life?
Anyway, to the favor I need to ask. Dom, Pete's gone errand-running for the CIA in North Korea. Would you stay available for the next couple of weeks, just in case the idiot needs an extraction? He's promised to pay your fee, and I've already told him that if you have to go after him you get to do something suitably embarassing to him. I'm thinking leaving him tied up and stark naked in Seoul somewhere would be fun. Especially if you took pictures.
Nate
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no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 08:15 am (UTC)From: Marko, Cain
No problem. Actually, if you're feeling lucid sometime this weekend, Mr. Lee wants to go over today's tapes with you. Man, you will not BELIEVE the look on that kid LeBeau's face on this tape...
~C.
Subject: Re: We could always try and exorcism. *grins*
Date: 2004-03-18 07:15 pm (UTC)I've got some stuff on claivoyance and spirit journeys in some of the books Petes got locked up in his office (I had to get him to do that after the potion business - me magic was getting out of hand and it was the only way I knew how to stop it. Long story, ask Moira to tell you sometime). Any way, when I get back and I get them back, maybe we could talk about stuff that might help. In between the docs pharmacy, and my mumbo-jumbo, and what you know about your power already, we can crack this. I've been helping Frenchie (Marie-Ange that is) with Tarot stuff, and some other forms of divination, and it seemed to help a bit, so maybe magic and science ain't so separate after all. It ain't my area, but this is one kind of research I'm good at, and I've got people I can ask.
No need to get Moira to hit you for philosophising - what you said... it was good to hear. So much went wrong with the magic, I forgot I'd done good with it too. The healing, the portal into that demon dimension Yana got taken to... someone told me that it was decent human behaviour, what anyone would do, but not everyone can do what I do, so at least there's that. Pete reckons they was talking bollocks, mind, that what I done for Yana was something special, but I dunno about that. No-one else seems to think so.
The bit that worries me about this power boost of mine is that the big spells, they have a big price. Magic's about balance, and even before I started all this study, I knew that the bigger the spell, the more it would take out of me. So if I'm doing this stuff regularly, it's going to take a lot out of me. More 'n that, I've got to keep my motives pure - there's too much that could go wrong, and the backlash on major spells is a right bastard - and I ain't exactly sure I can do that. Part of me still thinks there's something wrong about me, something Rack left behind when he... did stuff.
'S odd, that I can talk to you about this stuff. Sure I can talk to Rom, but sometimes it helps to talk to someone not in the craft - it makes me think about it more, so I can explain it properly. Pete is good for that, but he's off fuck-knows-where now, and before... well, he's the one that had to give me a bollocking for the stuff I done, and it made it hard. And things weren't the same after the school got attacked by his old mates.
But you're different, I can tell you these things and know you won't think I'm stupid, or I'm on something. And its that trust issue again - you trusted me with stuff that you didn't have to, and that makes a big difference. There's enough trust that I can tell you this stuff, and enough distance to be able to say it. You ain't the only one who has problems with all that up close and personal stuff.
I'd better go - it's lunch time here, and Homily doesn't like to be kept waiting. She'll have another of her potions waiting for me if I don't step lively. Take care of yourself, and don't go letting those ghosts push you around.
A.