[identity profile] x-cyclops.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] xp_communication
To: [Jean]
From: [Scott]
Subject: I don't know if you're even checking this...

I suppose with my luck, you're not. But on the off chance that you haven't thrown your laptop in the Potomac too... I don't know if I really believe you'll read this or not. I hope you will, if you see it. But I have to try, one way or the other.

I know you're angry. I still don't know where all the anger's coming from, where I went wrong, but I want to try to make up for it, if I can. You were always telling me we can't fix everything... but we've got to at least be able to do better in future, or there isn't any point.

I failed you. I get that much. You're right, I didn't see what I should have seen. Had my head stuck up my own ass, every way but literally. I wasn't what you needed, what I promised you I'd be, and I don't blame you for being angry. Maybe I don't deserve to be heard out, let along forgiven... but this the same sort of self-absorbed crap that drove you to this, isn't it? I make everything about me, my failures. My martyr complex. You called it right.

I'll stop. I swear I'll stop. Just tell me what you want, what you need, and I'll do it. I love you so much, Jean, but I can't do anything to change how unhappy I've made you in the past. All I can do is try and do better, if you'll let me. I sensed how angry you were, how upset, and it just about kills me to think I caused that. Please let me help. There's got to be something I can do.

I made promises. Let me try and keep them, please.

Yours,
Scott

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