Email to Shinobi and Marie

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

To: (Shaw 2.0), (Em)
From: (Doug)
Subject: Manuel



Right. It'd be massively hypocritical of me to discount Manuel's suicidality in any way after the events of the past few months. And I've been trying to cut him some slack. I really have. Because I know what feeling like you're all alone, thinking that nobody believes that you're worth the air you're breathing feels like.

But right before the group left for Europe, right after the whole mess with Kwannon came to light, I found Marie-Ange curled up in a little ball in the sunroom. She wasn't making a whole lot of sense, but one of the things I did get was Manuel's name. I figured either she needed Manuel to help her, or he might know what was going on with her. When I brought Manuel back, Angie was stuck in a precognitive state. She mentioned something about a girl, I'm guessing she could have been predicting Manuel having a daughter or something of that nature. Manuel wanted to know more. Angie didn't feel up to telling him. So he _forced_ her to tell him. He dumped more empathic force into her than I've seen him use, even when he and I were stuck in that feedback loop. And he still had plenty to spare to tell me to go the hell away when I asked him to stop because of what it was doing to Angie.

And I've tried several times to be civil to him, and keep lines of communication open. But he just misconstrues everything through the filter of his self-pity. So I've left him alone.

And I understand that he's got trauma like some of us couldn't imagine, that he doesn't really know how to interact with people all that well. But dammit, he did that one to Angie _on purpose_, without anyone to blame but himself, because he wanted to know what was in Angie's head.

I'm pissed as hell at him, and I feel like a shitty person because of it. I don't know what to do. I thought you guys should know, though, because I don't know if she's up to saying anything about it.

At least I got my mind off how badly I want to puke for being nervous about this date for about five minutes, though. *wry chuckle*

Sorry about the pissiness, guys. I admire what you're doing for him, I do. Just needed to vent a little, and I figured probably wise not to do it in a public forum, since I don't know if Angie would want any of that as common knowledge.

Take care of yourselves, you two. And...take care of him, too. I wouldn't wish suicide on anyone.

-Doug

Comments

[x-shinobi.livejournal.com]

To: (Doug), (Em)
From: (Shinobi)
Subject: Re: Manuel

Doug,

I understand your pissiness, mate, believe me. You're allowed. I can't thank you enough for actually avoiding Manuel because of it, too - you've a good head on some solid shoulders, and are one of the best-grounded people here, so, yes. Thank you for that.

Angie mentioned this to me in an e-mail last night - she hadn't told anyone else yet, I don't think, but I told her she should definitely bring it up with Miss Frost. Manny's a screwed-up guy who doesn't realize he's such a prick, which does, indeed, make him dangerous. His own ignorance is no excuse for treating people like garbage. She said she'd talk to Emma when you all get home. Make sure she does for me? I worry.

-Shinobi

[x-rogue.livejournal.com]

To: (Doug), (S)
From: (Em)
Subject: Re: Manuel

Shinobi said it all better than I could, Doug. This isn't easy on anyone, we've all been affected by this. I so appreciate you staying clear of Manuel and also bringing this up to us in a private way.

People must tell Emma or someone when Manuel fucks up. End of story. He will never learn otherwise. It's not ratting someone out or anything, it's helping him become a decent person. I'm so sorry he hurt Angie. Please help her to tell someone. He's hurt a lot of people, but I believe from the bottom of my heart that he is salvagable.

Thank you for understanding that this is something Shinobi and I feel we have to do. This is not a cakewalk, it's actually pretty horrible. I didn't think that being his friend would be easy, but I didn't have a clue what I was getting into at first. No one ever does, and I'm not backing down now.

You're not a shitty person for being angry at Manny. Hell, /we're/ angry at Manny sometimes. Stop being hard on yourself, okay? And you will be /fine/ on that date. You're so silly sometimes.

Love,
Em

PS -- S, you are my hero for showing up last night. You are. -- M.

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

To: (Em), (Shaw 2.0)
From: (Nervous Boy)
Subject: No, I'm not trying to distract myself at all...

I'll try and get Angie to talk to Ms. Frost or someone about what happened with Manuel when we get back. Truth be told, I'm not sure I understand everything that happened myself. There was a weird thing with colors that Angie was going on about after Manuel left, which suggests there might have been some odd interaction with their powers...

I'll try and be more up front with people who need to know about Manuel. Basically I didn't tell anyone because I felt like it was Angie's place to talk about it or not.

I understand obligation and all that. Hell, if I thought he would pay attention to me, I'd try to help him too. Because I'm like that. I think he's salvageable, even if it's going to take a lot of work.

I try not to be hard on myself, but it's the way I am, pretty much. I feel like I should be a better person than I am sometimes.

Still nervous about the date. :-/ May have to call you and get it all out of my system.

-Doug