Email to Pietro
Nov. 7th, 2006 11:42 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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xp_communicationTo: [Maximoff, P.]
From: [Forge, JH]
Subject:
You'll forgive the impoliteness of an email, I'm sure. You're not exactly easy to find and I honestly don't trust myself to be around you without losing my composure. Scott's filled me in on what you've done for him and the team, and I am having a hard time accepting that, what with the fact that a year ago, you stood by while Lorna and I went through some pretty horrible weeks as your father's "guests".
When Scott told me you were feeding him information on your father's operations, I wanted very much to hate you. Because it meant you could have gotten us out of there at any time. Literally in an eyeblink, you could have turned captivity into freedom. This past week I've been trying to fathom what kind of person you have to be to even look at yourself in the mirror every morning and not hate yourself for the things you've had to allow in the name of the greater good.
Today I think I understand. I understand how angry I feel seeing atrocities go on and knowing that they could be stopped, but at a potential greater cost. I wonder how bad it has to become before that line gets crossed, and then I realize that you came to that conclusion after San Diego. I admit that I am still having difficulty reconciling that act of conscience with someone I can't see as anything but the loyal son of Erik Lehnsherr.
If this is your life, I don't envy you any of it.
JHF
From: [Forge, JH]
Subject:
You'll forgive the impoliteness of an email, I'm sure. You're not exactly easy to find and I honestly don't trust myself to be around you without losing my composure. Scott's filled me in on what you've done for him and the team, and I am having a hard time accepting that, what with the fact that a year ago, you stood by while Lorna and I went through some pretty horrible weeks as your father's "guests".
When Scott told me you were feeding him information on your father's operations, I wanted very much to hate you. Because it meant you could have gotten us out of there at any time. Literally in an eyeblink, you could have turned captivity into freedom. This past week I've been trying to fathom what kind of person you have to be to even look at yourself in the mirror every morning and not hate yourself for the things you've had to allow in the name of the greater good.
Today I think I understand. I understand how angry I feel seeing atrocities go on and knowing that they could be stopped, but at a potential greater cost. I wonder how bad it has to become before that line gets crossed, and then I realize that you came to that conclusion after San Diego. I admit that I am still having difficulty reconciling that act of conscience with someone I can't see as anything but the loyal son of Erik Lehnsherr.
If this is your life, I don't envy you any of it.
JHF
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Date: 2006-11-08 05:27 am (UTC)Controlled. That's what kind of person I had to be. In every thought, in every aspect of body language, down to the scent of my sweat. Down to my very dreams. And if you've come to even the slightest understanding of what my choices have cost me, over the years, then I am sorry.