Email to Lorna

[x-legion.livejournal.com]

To: [Lorna]
From: [Jim]
Subject: No subject


I did something stupid.

Really stupid.

Comments

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

To: [Jim]
From: [Lorna]

Is something on fire?

You're not in jail, are you?

[x-legion.livejournal.com]

To: [Lorna]
From: [Jim]

No. And no.

But I really think we should be.

Betsy called last night. Late. And trashed. Really trashed. She sounded bad so I went to get her and make sure she got home okay. I got her poured into bed and stayed over because I was afraid she was going to slip into a coma. When I came back with breakfast she woke up, threw a shuriken at my head and asked if we could talk.

That would be when I said I had to go.

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

To: [Jim]
From: [Lorna]

Wow, you really are kind of a dumb boy, aren't you?

You're going to call her, right?

[x-legion.livejournal.com]

To: [Lorna]
From: [Jim]

There are literally no words that describe what we think of myself right now.

I know I should call her. I want to call her. Except every time we end up in the same room as each other there are 50/50 odds I do something incredibly hurtful and even though I always made it up to her later the last time she tried to talk to me was in July and I don't even know how that conversation would go. "I'm sorry I attacked you when you were only trying to help me before and now I'm too chickenshit to be in the same room with you since the complete collapse of my tenuous sanity because you're a telepath and there's no way you can miss what an enormous defect I really am anymore."

I might as well have slapped someone vulnerable in the face, and I want to go play trucks.

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

To: [Jim]
From: [Lorna]

Oh this is so not an email conversation. I have to go down and make sure that I don't have any kids who need office hours then I'm coming back up and we're going to have my nutritionist mandated pie and talk about this. 20 minutes.

[x-legion.livejournal.com]

To: [Lorna]
From: [Jim]


I'm sorry. I'm okay. It's not like this is the end of the world. I survived it for over a decade, I'll live. Sometimes I just get tired of being sick. You know.

I wish I knew how many people over 30 I need to be before we can act like even one man.