E-mail to Nathan

[x-dominion.livejournal.com]

to: [Dayspring, Nate]
from: [Kane, Garrison]

Look, it occurs to me that I said some things that were unwarrented yesterday, and I'd like to apologize. I didn't mean to say that you all didn't know what you were doing. It's just, well, it's complicated.

I've been out with the X-Men twice, and both times, things went wrong. Things that the voice in the back of my head is saying that shouldn't be the case if I was with other cops, more experienced troops, trained professionals. Because that's who trained me, went into the field with me, taught me what I know.

And the X-Men aren't that. They're all young amatuers, with a training program put together by each other. Is that really true? No. But when you come from a professional organization like, say, the RCMP, it's hard to break that mindset, and the first two missions reinforced that. Unfortunately, you got the rough side of it because I was scared about what was going to happen. I was sure that as long as we sat tight, the real professionals would come down, and those carefully trained and experienced men and women would have the answers.

Turns out, without you guys, neither of them would have made it home to their parents. I let my guilt and fear get in the way of my judgement, and in doing so, used you as the target. So I'm sorry for that.

--Kane

Comments

Reply

[x-cable.livejournal.com]

Firstly, the apology itself is accepted. Call it telepath's intuition, but I get the sense that you're not the type to offer one if it's not sincere.

Still, I'm bothered by the glimpse into your thinking that you've given me here. Stress excuses a lot. I've spent a lot of years losing people, and it doesn't ever get any easier. So I do understand. I even get that you have a certain mindset, and may be wrestling with it more than you expected, working with us.

But I won't lie to you - I have some serious concerns. I blame myself in part for the royal cock-up we almost had last night; I should have put my foot down and started giving orders. Consensual decision-making in the absence of our field leaders only works when we all trust each other, and you clearly did not, whatever the reasons behind it.

I suspect that once we put in our reports, you're going to be looking at some teambuilding exercises. I hope you take them seriously.

-Nathan

Re: Reply

[x-dominion.livejournal.com]

You're likely right. I didn't come to this place for a refuge or as a troubled young mutant. I'm a federal police officer with ten years of training from a modern defence force and one of the primere law enforcement agencies in the world. I haven't been through it with you all, and I don't know the measure of each person.

I know that I can trust the judgement of a scene commander because the guys likely got at least twenty years experience, he's been in the situation a dozen times. I know his training, his benchmarks, and his abilities so that I can trust that he knows what orders to give. Most of all, I know that he's going to follow the law as he does it.

I don't have that with the X-Men, and to be honest, my first time out with you all, the person that was supposed to be watching my back switched personalities and took off on me. So when a little girl's life is in danger, Logan starts talking about breaking pretty much every rule in a hostage situation, and all I can see is someone else getting killed in front of me, it's very hard to rely on trust.

I made a mistake out there, and there wasn't any call for what I said. That was fear and guilt talking. But you have to understand that it's not that easy to give you complete trust, especially with a couple of disasters as my experience so far, after only a couple of months here.

Reply

[x-cable.livejournal.com]

Trust works both ways, Garrison. You say we haven't earned yours, and that's absolutely true. But try and put yourself in my place, after Tuesday night. I'm not about to say that I'm not going to work with you - that would make me a hypocrite, given how I feel about people doing or wanting to do that just because I'm telepathic - and I do recognize that the mission was ultimately successful, which counts for a lot. But I have concerns.

And I also have a Russian class to teach, so if you want to continue this we're going to have to do it later.

-N.