xp_communication | E-Mail to Noriko

To: [Noriko Kikuchi]
From: [Kevin Ford]
Subject: Language Programs

This e-mail is entirely useless, actually. I just wanted to say how damn cool your langauge translator was. I mean, after talking to you for real it's...well it's a difference, that's for sure. And kind of impressive what with it making whole sentences for you...but it doesn't have to deal with my accent so maybe not that impressive. ;)

-Kevin

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

x-kaminari.livejournal.com

What do you mean it's useless? Like, I don't get how talking to someone can be useless. Unless they were, like, a stupid idiot or whatever. Then it'd be pretty useless.

And the program came installed on my computer. Jenni had to show me how to get to the journal system, but once we figured out how to turn on the translation it was pretty easy. I've never seen a program like this. It translates your incomprehensible English babble into actual words, and takes my Japanese sentences and writes them in English. I don't know how. I used a translation program once in my English class in junior high and then ALT laughed at what the computer came out with. English class would be so much easier if I could use this, but my teacher won't let me. I don't see why not, it's so much nicer and I don't sound like I"m a total moron.

-Nori

From:

x-wither.livejournal.com

Well, there wasn't any real point other than going "Hey, I can understand you! Cool!" So I guess pointless more than useless and stuff.

Hey! How do you know my English babble is incomprehensible? I'm fully comprehensible, thank you very much. Maybe a little vague sometimes, but comprehensible, still.

Why won't they let you use it? Maybe they think it'll be like a crutch and you'll never learn to really speak English, just depend on the program or something. Still, it's nice to be able to speak in more than four word sentences and know you'll understand what the hell I'm saying. New and amazing feats of technology and stuff.

-Kevin

From:

x-kaminari.livejournal.com

~Translated from Japanese~

Don't take it personally, all English babble is incomprehensible. Why do you have such a crazy hard language? I really hate it, by the way. And I don't know why they won't let me use the computer to do my English work. I mean, the teacher said but she was talking and talking and I totally wasn't paying attention. Not that it really matters - not like I actually do that much of my English homework anyways. Or, you know, any of my homework. I've decided I hate algebra. It's stupid and I hate it.

~Translated from Japanese~

From:

x-wither.livejournal.com

Well as long as it's all English and not just me. I don't know why I have such a hard language. You know they almost decided German was the way to go for the country. Can you imagine that? I wonder if they'd have thrown it out the window when WWII happened or not. I think Japanese is insane too. I tried to figure out how to say a couple words 'cause, well, I mean, if you can't understand English I could learn to say like hi and how are you and stuff in Japanese right? Yeah, that didn't work so well for me.

Algebra and all math in general is clearly meant to teach us to be better people so we don't go to hell and have to do math for the rest of our lives.

From:

x-kaminari.livejournal.com

~Translated from Japanese~

Why would you speak German in America? That would be crazy. Also, annoying, because I don't know any German. I don't even know where Germany is. Ugh. And I have history homework, too. Thanks for reminding me. I'm totally going out away from all of this.

Japanese isn't hard. Especially not if you just want to speak it and not read it. I could teach you, I guess. I mean, there's already a study group going on for the students who are going to Tokyo this winter. Are you coming? You could see the Sanrio store with me and we could find a good Kitty-chan to keep your mutant crab company.

~Translated from Japanese~

From:

x-wither.livejournal.com

Fucked if I know. It was a choice between German and English and English managed to win. English is a German-based language though so maybe it wouldn't be too different anyway. German's in eastern Europe. Homework sucks. Have fun avoiding it!

I don't think I'm allowed to go. I mean, technically if the school folk say I can go then I can, but I don't think the government would be too happy about it so it's probably better if I don't go. Also, I don't do study groups, too many people. Too many people makes me kind of twitchy.

From:

x-kaminari.livejournal.com

~Translated from Japanese~

Well, everything makes me twitchy, but if you want to study Japanese not as part of the study group, I'll help. I mean, you're better company than some of the people I live with, and they're in the study group.

Ok, this translation program's kind of scary. It even explained why you would say something sucked. Because I don't think homework's a vacuum. Or does blowjobs.

Although that would make doing homeworks so much more fun.

~Translated from Japanese~

From:

x-wither.livejournal.com

That'd be pretty cool, if you'd help. And then you can laugh at how bad I am tryin' to talk in Japanese and probably still with my own accent.

uuuuuhhhh...Well, I guess homework could do blowjobs but then most people would probably like it a lot better. People wouldn't complain about it as much...and dear God you just gave me awful mental images! Must wash brain out with soap! msut wash brain out with soap!!

From:

x-kaminari.livejournal.com

~Translated from Japanese~

I can't even imagine what Japanese would sound like with your accent. You sound funny enough as it is. You'd probably be worse than the American soldiers in Tokyo.

That's what I'm saying. People would study more if homework involved sex.

How are you going to wash your brain out with soap? That sounds really difficult. Can you get your head open? I didn't know that was part of your mutation. It seems like it would be more than a bit disgusting.

~Translated from Japanese~

From:

x-wither.livejournal.com

I'd probably be pretty damn awful sounding. But I'm okay with learning accents usually. I learned to imitate this one guy's Scottish accent pretty well when I was at Muir. maybe I won't be totally hopeless, just mostly.

And now my brain that was trying to climb out of the gutter just fell back in. You have a point, but still, can we not put my mind in the gutter ALL the time?

Metaphorical washing there, Nori. Way metaphorical. Mind falls into gutter, take mind out of gutter, wash it up so it's clean again, ya know. Or maybe I'm just making even less sense to you.