Email to Jennie

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To: [Stavros, Jennie]
From: [Rasputin, Illyana]
Subject: Wish you were here


You'd wish you were here too if you could see all the emotional strife going on. It's kind of the greatest thing that's happened here since... well, for a while, actually. Amanda Sefton is having some kind of extreme emotional duress, which I know you'd enjoy just as much as I do if you could be here to see it. In lieu of that, you'll just have to take my word for it.

You'd think she'd get used to this kind of thing; if it's not crazy people kidnapping her for her appalling powers (and by the way, on Dr. Phil the other day, he said that addicts aren't supposed to ever use their addiction again; troubling, no?) it's ex-boyfriends coming from the good-as-a-grave.

I think the only better time was when Jubilee slept with him. Hahahaha, it's still hilarious to think about that. But who knows; the month is young, and Manuel brings out my favourite qualities in everyone - their bad ones.

Comments

[x-roulette.livejournal.com]

to: [Rasputin, Illyana]
from: [Stavros, Jennie]

You are my most favorite person in the world right now, you realize this, yes? You always know how to say the exact thing to cheer me up. Ah schadenfreude. How I love thee.

I am getting drunk. Because the ammount of stupid here is getting ridiculous.

In fact, I was inclinded to slap Amanda for going after Laurie. That's MY job. And the kiddo has been doing much better in recent months. Way to take a step backward there.

However. Vodka. You are my one true love. Yes.

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

To: [Stavros, Jennie]
From: [Rasputin, Illyana]

I have that effect on people. I just figured since you couldn't be here to experience it yourself, you could do with a little pick-me-up. Especially since our bet has not lately yielded much fun. I was going to pick on Manuel, but then I realized that sitting back and watching everyone else get themselves worked up was much better than prodding a former coma patient. Besides, I have to go to the hospital to visit Mark sometimes, and there are probably real coma patients there, so I don't have to settle for a former one if it comes to that.

Just make sure if you're going to throw up, do it on the shoes of someone you don't like.

Laurie's the weird one, right? She takes the bus with Madam Bus Driver (there's a prestigious title) and I try to avoid her when I can because her positivity makes me nauseous. It's practically drug-induced. In fact, has anyone checked to make sure she's clean? It's not like she lacks for bad influences, considering she'll talk to anything that moves.

Tomorrow, you're going to have a bad breakup with vodka, just so you know. Do you want me to send you the Dr. Phil 12-step guide? I downloaded it off his website. It contains helpful tips.

[x-roulette.livejournal.com]

to: [Rasputin, Illyana]
from: [Stavros, Jennie]

Sadness. I'm about ready to go shoot him myself, but that would render the bet moot. And Manny. Well. I remember when I first came to the school and discovered the joys of the "jump on the stupid" thread. He was my introduction to that. I'm guessing with him it's just now tradition.

How is Mark doing, by the by? I didn't know him THAT well, but I remember I once flashed him so he'd buy me a drink. Or at least I think I did.

Laurie is Laurie. She clings tenaciously to the fact that the world is sunshine and roses. You have to hand it to her, a lesser person would have given that up.

If I ever decide I need to bond with the kids by driving a bus, you hereby have my permission to take me out as I am obviously posessed.

Me and vodka have a pleasnt relationship. We're more like friends with benefits. Occasionally it gets clingy, and I have trouble getting rid of it the next day, but I think it is a happy and fullfilling relationship.

I mean, seriously, who else do I need depend on?

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

To: [Stavros, Jennie]
From: [Rasputin, Illyana]

Yeah, but it would be really funny. Promise me you'll do it. As for Manuel, you came in when he was getting all the crap. Before that, it was all me, all the time. Which is why I only use my journal to mock people now, since apparently it does not behoove my situation at a think tank (which is the world's worst misnomer for us, considering some of those people) to point out their stupidity in public. Or to talk about reality. Or, really, to do anything. At least it's better than Amanda whining about how I'm a demon and going to eat the children and set fire to everyone's pets like she used to, which I think she's forgotten about, but really, am I the kind of person who doesn't hold a grudge? I think not.

Mark is apparently doing well; something about a mePhone or a youPhone or whatever, I don't know. I gave Doug or someone twenty bucks of my money, they know about these things.

Laurie sounds like she's suffered severe head trauma or something.

If you ever decide to bond with anyone by driving a bus, I am not going to exorcise you. I'm going to give you a bus driver's hat, take pictures, and sell them to everyone we know and make a fortune. And then I'll exorcise you and give you some of my newfound fortune while you go off to live in shame. Which is what anyone who drives a bus should do, in my opinion, except old fat men who can't do anything else.

I just hope vodka isn't a cyber-bully. I saw an episode of Dr. Phil where some girls bullied someone online until she committed suicide. Why can't I have those kind of results???

[x-roulette.livejournal.com]

to: [Rasputin, Illyana]
from: [Stavros, Jennie]

I'll think about it. Simply because it's you who wins next if he gets shot. But it might just be worth it.

Amanda wouldn't remember stuff like that, because thats something she did bad, and she doesn't do bad things, right? Not ever ever. Like, say, abandoning your ward, making some ridiculous pact with a soul-sucking vampire lady thing, and whatnot.

Yeah, for secret spies, sometimes you forget the secret part. I know some of those guys have the social skills of a brick, but come on.

Aw, "Congrats on not being dead, here's stuff!"

I don't think Laurie has head trauma. I think she's trying to regress.

You are a good friend, because that's what i would do if our roles were reversed. Seriously though. If I do shit like that, then I am most definitely Not Myself and it will behoove you to bring me back.

No, vodka is not a cyber bully. Vodka is a great one night stand. You can never have too many of those. Fullfilling and satisfying relationships happen to other people. I? Have booze. And Marius to aggrivate me and remind me why it's for the best that I have only booze.

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

To: [Stavros, Jennie]
From: [Rasputin, Illyana]

You saw right through me. Damn. I guess I'm not as stealthy as I thought.

She's "moved on". She's "grown". She "got past it". Now she has her stupid boring boyfriend (who is himself one of the great burdens of my existence), a job that fulfills her emotional needs or something, and the damn bus. Makes you sick, doesn't it?

Don't tell me about our lack of secretiveness. Here I get yelled at for having the temerity to tell the children that demons exist (I'm sorry, it's a hazard of life, they should get used to it), and dumbass yells at some kid in public for not knowing that we skulk around churches dealing with demons? I tell you, it's sheer idiocy. Fortunately the important lady agreed with me. Even if everyone else gets fired, I am confident I shall be kept on in some capacity.

Mark seems to like it. I don't know. I have a Walkman.

She might as well just join the X-Men and call herself Cheer Bear. And then commit suicide, which is the only appropriate response to the previous.

I will bring you back, don't worry. What would the world be if we were all community-service oriented? - No, it makes me sick, I don't want to think about it. Ugh. Some people.

Just trip him when he's walking somewhere. And when he lands on his face, make sure you have a video camera. You can upload it to this website called YouTube and become a celebrity all for showing someone's misfortune on the internet. It's genius! In fact I suspect the involvement of a higher, evil, power.

[x-roulette.livejournal.com]

to: [Rasputin, Illyana]
from: [Stavros, Jennie]

It's okay. I'll do it because I love you.

Yes, please don't get me started on the spineless wonder. I note it's okay for him to have "problems" and be a jerkass on the journals and all is forgiven. Yet I do it and I get torn a new one. Those two need to go off into a corner and leave me the hell alone, srsly.

Ha! It's pretty hilarious too. I mean, for someone so badass, he sure is undone by a 17-year-old boy.

...You should totally get to head your own office when she sacks everyone.

I shall suggest to Laurie that she use that as her codename. I like mine. Roulette. Even if does sound kind of like a cheese.

Yes, thank you. I too shall bring you back were you ever to get posessed and suddenly decide you need a boyfriend with more estrogen than you, wear lots of pink and drive a bus.

For me to do anything like that, it would require Marius to have shame. He has aboslutely none. I'm hoping a tree falls on him tonight. Serve him right.

Oh vodka. Jennie will never ever leave you. <3.

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

To: [Stavros, Jennie]
From: [Rasputin, Illyana]

Finally, someone who will give me presents I want!

Oh, don't even get me started either. This one time, I got my arm broken and my stomach punctured defeating a demon from hell and keeping him from destroying anything except the front porch, and Amanda and her trusty sidekick were right there on the journals to declare that I was a demon or something like that. Just because it listened to me! Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. Never mind that if I really was evil, it isn't really all that smart to identify who I should shut up first.

He speaks in the third person, which says all I need to know.

I don't have a codename, thank all gods large and small. Wait. Do I have a codename? I guess I should check.

If any ONE of those things happens, the only humane thing to do will be to drown me in the bathtub and burn my remains. And that is because it will be a signal of the apocalypse.

Maybe we could do it to Angelo. Did you know there's a video game where a dog named Angelo does tricks for his owner in battle? I just found that out on the internet. Appropriate? I think so.

One day you're going to have to show me what the big deal with that stuff is. I mean, I'm Russian and everything, but I have to admit the homeland hasn't shown me much love lately. Literally and figuratively speaking.