Email to Marie D'Ancato

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

To: (Marie)
From: (Idiot Boy)
Subject: My stupid mouth / got me in trouble / I said too much again...


Marie-

I was an idiot. I'm sorry. And...well, consider this me apologizing a lot more, because that's all I know how to do sometimes. Angie told me it doesn't serve much purpose past the first few apologies, and it becomes really ironic when I start apologizing for being apologetic, but, y'know...*shrugs* I'm sorry.

I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut. Just because I made a promise to you about no facades doesn't mean I need to blurt out every last thing that's on my mind, I think. All I know is I made you uncomfortable or hurt you or something. And I'm sorry. (Keeping count? We're up to, what, three, not counting my 'consider this a bunch more apologies' line? Yes, that's me being self-mocking and angry at myself for all this idiocy. My idiocy, not anyone else's.)

Don't think that all those thoughts of mine involved thinking you might be available just because of the things you said about Paige. More that, for a while there, I was having unrealistic thoughts/wishes. Because I know you're happy with Logan. And I'm happy with Angie, I really am. Just...the things you said kinda threw me for a loop, and I blurted things out instead of just thinking it through, knowing that those things were never going to happen, and getting over it. I'm sorry. (Four.)

I was really scared that I'd totally screwed things up with you and Angie yesterday. Angie has seen her way clear to forgiving me. I'm not really sure why. But I'm still scared that I'm going to lose my friend because my stupid feelings are just too much to deal with. And if they are, there's not much I can do about that, except be sorry (five), but...I miss my friend. And I only want you to be my friend, I swear.

Anyways, I'm going to try and wrap this up before it degenerates into fifty lines of "I'm sorry". Hope everyone comes back safe and sound from the mission. (I can read between the lines when the Professor cancels classes. I bet you I can even guess the roster. Scott, Warren, Doc McCoy, Kurt, you, and Shinobi. Do I get a prize if I guessed right? ;-) Yes, that's me trying to lighten the mood, and probably failing miserably.)

So yeah. I'm sorry. (Six.)

-Doug

Comments

[x-rogue.livejournal.com]

Doug -

It was a little stupid, to tell Angie. Telling me was not /such/ a bad thing since I did ask you to be really honest with me and at least I could have got some sense into you about it if you'd just told me. You just hit some of my hot buttons with this - not your fault at all and the connection between this and something that happened last year is so remote as to be bizarre, but I'm still feeling it.

Forgive me if I do keep my distance for a bit, please? I'm having some major trust and friend-loss issues right now and it'll probably only get worse over the next little while. I miss Jean. I miss Bobby and John; even if they're just down the hall, we'll never be us again. Even Storm has changed so much that we're just not the friends we used to be. I was kind of set to try making friends again in the social sense, not just in the helping people out sense, and I'm just not ready, I guess. I'm sorry.

Give me a little time, I might bounce back. I usually do.

Marie

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

Marie-

It was lot stupid to tell Angie, to be honest. Honesty with you doesn't mean that I have to blurt out every little idiotic impulse in my head. :-/ I'm sorry I hit some of your hot buttons. I kinda hit my own "lose a friend due to my own idiocy" button with this.

I...if you need to keep your distance, then do what you need to. I just don't want to lose you over this. And I hope that you will be ready to make friends again at some point.

I hope you bounce back. Because otherwise I'm going to feel guilty. *shrug* Sorry.

Glad you guys all got back safe from the mission. (Do I get my cookie for guessing the roster right? Yeah, still trying to lighten the mood. Still probably failing miserably. :-/)

-Doug

[x-rogue.livejournal.com]

Doug -

You missed Ms Munroe in there. :) You can have cookies anyway.

I'll bounce back, don't worry about me and don't feel guilty. This is so not your doing. Honest.

Angie's a great person, Doug. You are really lucky to have her, I'm sure you know that. She emailed me last night (and put up with my post-marathon babbling replies) to clear things up. She probably can't know how much that meant to me, but it was really important. That was probably what I needed most, anyway. I'll be fine.

Marie