E-Mail to Haller

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: Haller
From: Kevin
Subject: Help?

So, um, I don't really trust anyone to ask with this so here it goes. Jay said something in an email and I don't really know what to do with it. He said maybe he wants to die and I've got the email down below for context but, um...well, you know I have a really destructive mutation and if my boyfriend has a death wish, a serious one, that's kind of huge. I asked him about it and he avoided answering and I'm kind of wary of going back to the suite because of the destructive thing and then he said to ignore him and he was going to work. Can you please help me figure out what I should do?

----Forwarded Message----
To:[Kevin Ford]
From:[wings]
Subject:alot.

Who told you? Fuck, why does everyone go blabbing like they do? They just can't keep shit to themselves anymore. Godamnit.

And that is different. Maybe I just wanna die. You ever think of that?

I don't know. It doesn't matter now.

Comments

[x-legion.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Haller, David]
Subject: Re: Help?

Without a context it's a little hard to say, but I see what you mean -- the attempt at a blase gloss isn't encouraging.

Since Jay's no longer a student he doesn't technically fall within the jurisdiction of Samson, and I doubt he'd want to talk to me. Especially since he seems angry at the thought people are talking about him. However, I don't recommend letting this lie. Go find him, try to ask him what's going on in as non-confrontational a way as possible. I never really had much contact with Jay, but I got the impression he internalizes a lot. Offer an ear. From you, he might be willing to take it.

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: Haller
From: Kevin
Subject: Re: Help?

That's the thing, there wasn't a lot of context. He brought up prom, I thought he was working for a week ago I told Cessily I'd take her since she wanted to go but not alone. I got annoyed at him for asking Tommy to go with him in the journals and said it looked like he was flirting. He said Tommy nearly beat him to death and asked if I thought he was masochistic and I brought up this time when he'd ended up touching my back and he tried to brush it off while layers of his hand regrew. And then he sent me that e-mail. That's all the context there is. I know he's over 18 so you can't force help on him and I'd probably consider going to his sister if I didn't think he'd kill me for it.

The thing is...look, you know how I am with the contact thing, right? Jay I let close to me because I trust him. I've hammered how unsafe I am into his head over and over, he knows to be careful when close to me. I don't let other people physically near me because I do NOT want to hurt someone again, not even by accident, not even if they have a healing factor. I kinda don't want to go after him, especially at work, because if he's really that bad off what's to stop him from trying to use me as the one thing he can't regenerate from? I mean, I want to talk to him but I'm scared to be in any kind of proximity. I mean, if he's serious I don't want to be what helps him along with his wish.

[x-legion.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Haller, David]
Subject: Re: Help?

Okay, let's look at this logically. If Jay had wanted to use you as a suicide method, he'd have had plenty of opportunities to do it -- from the sounds of things this isn't a sudden whim of his.

I don't know him, I admit, but -- no matter how mad he was, do you really think he would make you responsible for his death? Of course you should use your own discretion on whether or not you approach him, but . . . I honestly think he cares more about you than to put you through something like that. But I do believe that you two need to talk, if only so you can tell him what you're going through and work something out. Silence over this kind of issue might be easier right now, but in the long run it can curdle on you.

If you can, you might suggest he talk to someone about this . . . the professor, Samson or myself, or even Paige. Anyone he'd feel comfortable with. Until then, I'm half-afraid pushing him would only make things worse.

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: Haller
From: Kevin
Subject: Re: Help?

Sometimes people snap though, right? I mean, sometimes it's there bubbling under the surface for a while and then it gets to a point where people kind of get pushed over the cliff and in the middle of the free fall they do stuff they wouldn't normally, right? I don't know, maybe it's just my thing. You know, the super paranoid don't want to hurt people thing. I don't know. I don't think I'm comfortable being near him right now with him having said that knowing he was trying to make it no big deal when I ended up shaving layers of skin off him last time. I should have done something about it last time. I just don't know what.

I don't mean to be silent over it. I'm just...not comfortable talking to him over it. I don't have any experience with people who are suicidal and physical distance to Jay is like emotional distance and he'd handle it badly when I didn't want to get too close which is totally a mental thing of mine, I know, but I can't just turn it off.

I'll, well I'll figure something out. And try. Thanks.