[identity profile] x-snowflake.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] xp_communication
To: Laverne, Marius
From: Rasputin, Illyana
Subject: Insurance

If I don't get my cookies within 48 hours, is going to be my default icon forever.

Thanks!

Illyana

Date: 2009-03-31 11:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-emplate.livejournal.com
To: Rasputin, Illyana
From: Laverne, Marius
Subject: Re: Insurance

Blackmail? I am both flattered and amused at the effort, as my callowness and scant attention span are legendary, thus providing no guarantee that dedication to my friend will not succumb to an inherently lackadasical nature. Quite a gamble. Were I a normal man I would advise you in the future to acquire embarrassing childhood photos of mine, but alas, mum has already used them all in holiday cards. But fear not, for I am in a generous mood, so the cookies shall be yours.

Although I was not quite exaggerating about the possibility of chickpea.

Date: 2009-03-31 11:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-emplate.livejournal.com
To: Rasputin, Illyana
From: Laverne, Marius
Subject: Re: Insurance

Do any of the steps rely on the target possessing a modicum of shame and/or self-respect? If so, I regret to inform you that in matters emotional I too am functionally impervious.

Regarding the possibility of threats to my family, promise that, should action transpire, you commit it to videotape. Particularly if the subject is my mother.

Date: 2009-04-01 12:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-emplate.livejournal.com
To: Rasputin, Illyana
From: Laverne, Marius
Subject: Re: Insurance

You threaten me with poverty? Psh. It is true that I am monied, but I did spend quite some time in Europe financially bereft, and even now subsist on the pittance allowed me by my family and the generous salary afforded a part-time janitor in the Medlab. I studied under Jen, who is an expert in the field. She even taught me the secret of making a meal made entirely of disparate take-out. Incidentally, chow mein and pizza is not as bad a combination as one would think.

And yes, should you ever feel the need to further your study in the dark arts, my mother would certainly be a viable tutor. I'm sure she would be overjoyed at a collaboration, although I do warn you the price is likely to be a make-over, and she would likely exact it in advance.

Date: 2009-04-01 01:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-emplate.livejournal.com
To: Rasputin, Illyana
From: Laverne, Marius
Subject: Re: Insurance


Once you submit to her clutches, expect to depart with absolutely nothing you originally came with in terms of hair, clothing, accessories, and possibly sense of reality. It is her Way. She has raised grooming to an artform, and has never had a daughter of her own to subject to it.

Not that she took much mind of this, of course, but I was assured dad put a stop to the frilly dresses by the time I was two.

Date: 2009-04-01 02:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-emplate.livejournal.com
To: Rasputin, Illyana
From: Laverne, Marius
Subject: Re: Insurance

You mean aside from naming her only child Marius Sammar Cartier Laverne?

Date: 2009-04-01 02:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-emplate.livejournal.com
To: Rasputin, Illyana
From: Laverne, Marius
Subject: Re: Insurance


I suppose. After all, I bestowed upon Bubbles the same honour earlier tonight.

Date: 2009-04-01 02:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-emplate.livejournal.com
To: Rasputin, Illyana
From: Laverne, Marius
Subject: Re: Insurance

Wait, wait.

You have a conscience?

Date: 2009-04-01 02:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-emplate.livejournal.com
To: Rasputin, Illyana
From: Laverne, Marius
Subject: Re: Insurance

Yes, of course. One moment, if you please.

There, I've taken a screenshot. Now the comment is forever immortalized on my hard drive.

It appears you are no longer the only one with insurance.

Date: 2009-04-01 02:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-emplate.livejournal.com
To: Rasputin, Illyana
From: Laverne, Marius
Subject: Re: Insurance

Worry not, you shall have your baked goods. And, despite Jen's slander, they shall be quite edible.

Just remember, in the event you do not uphold your end of the bargain, I may unleash my own form of retribution: my constant presence. Oh yes. It will happen. You will know not a moment's peace, all the while being forced to learn words the likes of which are unheard of beyond the vocabulary section of standardized testing. And in the event you entertain any illusions about the benefits of teleportation, I shall remind you I myself need only crack the proper vial.

And I warn you now: I am a morning person.

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