Email to Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: stupid stuff

You know, I know I said some stupid stuff to you while we were dating but I know the topper was when I tried to get you to go to prom the second time.

I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for that. Not trying to get you back or anything. Just wanted to say it I didn't mean it the way it sounded, just wanting to be friends and that we was nothing. Just thought you was better off away from all my crazy instead of having me around, hurting you more with it.

My gums are flapping and Im still saying stupid stuff. At least that don't change right?

-Jay

Comments

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

No, guess that doesn't change.

You say a lot of stupid stuff a lot of the time, Jay. I know you don't mean it, but you do. And you don't think before you talk. Sometimes you're all heart and no head but people can't read your heart.

I know you want to be friends, but I don't know how to be your friend. I keep trying to tell you that and you keep not understanding that. I would've stood by you forever. I would've rather been at your side than let you go through all that stuff you did last year alone. That stuff you're probably still going through. I left the mansion when you went missing because there wasn't anything here for me without you even with all my friends I have here. There just wasn't. I didn't come back when they found you because I was told you didn't want to see me. And you never got that. And that? That's not friend loyalty. That's way past friend loyalty.

I don't know how to be near you without wanting to touch you. I can't sit there with my hands kept to myself. There's too much habit. It's in my blood to kiss you. And I can't be your friend because of that. Maybe you still won't understand that but that's how it is. That's how it'll always be. Some things you just can't help. I'm happy for you that you don't have that problem, but I never was much like you when it came to us.

You're forgiven, but I'm not going to be your friend. I wish I could, but I just can't.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: stupid stuff

I know. I know you can't be my friend. I don't expect it but I do owe you an apology. It wasn't right to say. It's never right to say it wasn't nothing. I lied and I don't lie. It's just a lie i couldn't fess up to until now, when my gums were flapping and saying the wrong things again.

I'm also sorry for not taking you to dinner like I said I was going to. Actually, I'm sorry for so much that happened in our relationship, it feels like there was more bad then good out of it. But then, that'd be a lie too right? Just like keeping my hands to myself in front of you was. But it was better to make us friends/notfriends instead of lopping your head off like I did with that guy. I have nightmares about it now and then, poor Cats, I scared the shit outta her. Almost fillet her the other night, too. See? Even friends can't handle me, so I reckon your right there.

But I know. Don't think I don't.

I know your writing too.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

So why you'd say it? All the things you could've said to try to get what you wanted and you said the one thing that'd hurt the most. So why?

There wasn't more bad. The bad was louder, brighter and other people liked to pay attention to it. There were a lot of things wrong with it. But there were a lot of things right with it, too. And I would've done anything to make the wrong things right if it meant I got to keep you.

You're not hard to handle, Jay. Nightmares and what they did to you...it's part of you but it's not all of you. Handling that is hard I'll bet. But it'd be worth it for anyone you meant enough to. Because you not going through that alone, that's what matters. You not having to wake up from nightmares alone, that matters. God knows that you were there when I woke up from enough of them. Maybe you weren't ever in danger of having your head taken off because of mine...but I'm really not sure that risk outweighs you having someone there.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

Easy to hurt when you're hurting yourself. Everytime I turn around, Im going through some sort of stupid weird change and Im so tired of it. Sick of it. You knew me so well, know me... knew me... Now I'm just a stranger. strange skin, strange body, everything's fucked.

I know everyone was on about you having a cloud over your head but for me, you weren't under no cloud, you were the stars at night. Not the sun cause it's too glaring and bright, too blatant. But the stars cause I couldn't touch you but I could almost reach out...the stars, the night. My perfect night.

But you've caught me on a bad night, wishing I hadn't said what I did to you. Regretting because you didn't deserve it. Never did you deserve that, no matter how mad, confused or alienated I felt. You deserved more than that.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

You sound a lot like I did when I manifested. A lot like I did until about six months ago, really. You don't have to be a stranger. Even if you don't look like you used to. It's not easy, I'd bet, getting to know yourself all over again. But I'm pretty sure it can be done. You can get through it. God knows you're stubborn enough for it.

You could touch me. Just not the way you wanted to. And the way you could...it was never close enough for you. I can understand that, but it's all I had. All I've got still. It wasn't a perfect night, just looked like it from a distance. You've had a lot of distance from it now. It's easy to think I was your perfect night now from where you stand. It's just a bad night.

There's no use talking about the past, you know. What was wrong or what I deserved or what you shouldn't have said or what I should've done. 'Cause that's all done now. It's gone past and so have we. And I'm sorry you're having a bad night. If I could fix it for you I would. But you'll have better nights. You'll have great nights and you won't have to think about things that used to be good to you during those. You won't wish or regret or even think about it. Don't worry, tonight will pass.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

I know it'll sort itself out. Just gotta weather it. Not like I can do anything else about it huh? I didn't know that about you. Guess we learn something new all the time. I hope its better for you now though.

I always thought nights were ours cause thats when I'd roll into bed and wake you up. You don't need distance to remember that. Just two red feathers, a sketch book and a small note with happy birthday written on it.

I know. I ain't rehashing to win anything back or get points anywhere. Sometimes I do stupid stuff and I can't help but look back on things. On someone I killed, someone I love, someone who almost killed me, someone who cheated on me and someone that died in my arms. It's all regret in some way or another and blame falls easy on the shoulders that'll bare it.

I'll always be there for you Kev, even when I'm not.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

Yeah it's better now. A lot got better when I went out to California. It was good for me in a lot of ways. Dr. Samson found someone who could figure out how to deal with me. And he found a way to talk to me that I'd respond to. A lot of the credit goes to him. It's easier to deal with your old wounds when you're busy bleeding from a new one that bites deeper and hurts more.

I didn't think you had any of that. Or maybe that you hadn't kept it. You never mentioned the letter so I thought maybe none of it was there when you got back.

You say a lot that you're not trying to win me back. And you said you know I can't be your friend. I gotta wonder what you do want. You know you won't have me as a friend, you don't want me back so why are you still emailing me? Old habits dying hard and me being the only one who keeps talking back? It's fine if that's it. I get it, sometimes you need someone to be there no matter who it is as long as it's more than just you all alone with yourself. I just wanna understand what you want from me. 'Cause I've never really known that since you broke up with me. And that was almost two years ago now.

I appreciate that. But please don't call me Kev.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

Sometimes you gotta stop thinking there's something I want from you. I don't want anything, I never have wanted anything from you Kev. The only thing I ever wanted from you was what you gave to me by your own free will when we were dating and it wasn't ever anything I ever had to ask very hard for without a touch to give it away.

I know it's sore to talk to me, even this way but I really wanted you to just know. That's all. It's all you'll ever need to know, that I'm still here.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

Everyone wants something. Everyone wants something from everyone they deal with. What I want is for you to stop calling me Kev and to figure out what it is you want from me. And then sack up enough to say it out loud. Because no one comes back and keeps going as much as you do with me without wanting something.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

It ain't bad to right the wrongs you've done to people. I was just sitting on my bed, holding one of the feathers. If you hadn't taken them, I'd have nothing left to look back on cause my sister burned them. Burned my wings. And when I sit there and I have the feather, makes me think of you and it grounds me some. If you hadn't saved them, what was left of me would have been lost.

It's the trivial stuff that's important. So when you say I want something, no, I don't. I didn't expect forgiveness. I don't expect anything. I have no expectations. How can I? How can I have anything when I can't get through any part of the day without some physical restraint?

I didn't get the no control thing with you. Not for a long time. Oh I got some of it, the idea of it, but I didn't get it like the way I'm getting it now. Uncontrollable, irrational, dominating, aggressive, dangerous. Oh yeah, I get it now, at the cost of everything I was. But these are just old complaints to you, something you've already gone through. Like I said. Im having a bad night. It's nothing to worry about.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

I saved everything about you because I always wanted to be able to carry you with me. Until you were gone and never coming back and I knew if I carried you with me still it'd just hurt forever. I'd never get over it so I left everything I had of you for your family. Or for you, but I figured I'd have you back if you did come back. You live and learn.

Welcome to my world. Someone taught me once, though, that I could still have something. Even though I was dangerous to be too close to and that death followed so close to me. Even though I had to be so careful all the time. Even though I never get to let go like everyone else or be careless. Even though my entire life involves restraint. It was you who taught me that. I don't know that anyone else could have.

You're wrong that it's nothing to worry about. If it really wasn't then you wouldn't be sitting down e-mailing your ex still. You'd have found better things to do once I told you that you were forgiven.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

Me and labels don't get along kev, so long as you call me your ex, you'll always be kev. I know yer living and learning the hard way. But no one expected I'd get the shittier end of the deal when the four of us came back and you got the shittest deal of 'em all cause we ended before we could keep going. It's worse for me to say I needed space to protect you, but there you have it, cause it's true. Just like you protected me.

Did I say that? I don't remember. Seems like a lifetime ago. Oh yeah, maybe it is.

Don't worry. Really. It's not like I can go do anything stupid. My healingfactor has one hell of a libido so if I did anything, it'd just laugh at me and say "try again". In otherwords, its better than it's ever been. The hand? Yeah that took a few hours, if that, to regrow. Don't worry. I'm in good fuckin' hands. The best out there that money couldn't buy. My grand fucking slam healing factor. Hurrah hurrah.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

Labels weren't ever the problem. The expectations you put on them and your inability to adapt when they couldn't be met were. I remember taking the label off. That was my idea but that didn't really fix any of the problems. It just let you have sex with someone else. You got everything you wanted, you just didn't have to worry about getting it all from the same person. So don't go blaming it on labels. It's got nothing to do with labels, it's got to do with your libido getting cranky. And the fact that you had problems with my sexuality.

Yeah, well you tend to forget a lot of things.

Your hand didn't get hurt that badly when you grabbed me. But I wasn't talking about worrying you'd go and commit suicide. There's stuff to worry about with people way before they hit that point. At least there is if you care about them.

You call me Kev one more time, though, and you get no response from me ever again. That's not my name. You will not do my parents the disrespect of deciding the name they gave me isn't good enough or is too much work because you're too lazy to type a whole two letters more. They named me Kevin, not Kev. They called me Kevin, not Kev. And you will call me by the name they saw fit to give me or you will not speak to me.

K.

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

I did not have sex with anyone else while we were dating and the only problem I had wasn't with your sexuality, it was ... no, maybe you're right. Yeah, you're right. I did have a problem with your sexuality because sometimes it made me feel like you didn't wanna be apart of mine. Do you know how hard it is to turn into my hand when there was nothing more I wanted than to be with you? How hard it was? Makes me feel really unwanted, like there's something wrong with me for wanting you that way.

I don't forget everything. I just remember what's important. And that doesn't seem like it's important anymore.

I don't know what you're talking about then.

You know, you get so pissy and stubborn about that and I never got it. But fine, I'll call you whatever you want. If you can't see an endearment, then it don't matter does it?

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

I didn't say while we were dating. I said when there was no label. When we weren't telling anyone else and keeping it to ourselves. My point was to keep other people out of our relationship, or whatever you wanted to call it. Your point was that we didn't have one. So you slept with Shiro. I didn't want anyone else, didn't go near anyone else and you had sex with someone who also lives in the mansion. Let's rank that for feeling wanted.

I'm very sorry that you had a jerk off instead of getting laid, but somehow I rank you keeping all your parts intact a lot higher than sex. I'm sorry if I worried about your continued existence more than the fact that you don't feel wanted without sex. But don't for one moment try to make it sound like I didn't want you. You had this huge problem with the fact that I identified as straight, but that didn't really seem like a problem when I was on my knees going down on you. It was only a problem when I wasn't.

What's important to you and what's important to me never were the same thing. I remember that someone was willing to risk my mutation to be with me and that I loved him enough to try to figure how to give him what sexual gratification I could when I wasn't too worried about killing him to do it. You remember not feeling loved because you didn't get laid. Different priorities, I guess.

It's rude, not an endearment. I asked you and then told you to not call me that. I did it when we were dating and yet I've got to keep saying it every so often ever since. You value your endearment over respect. I value you respecting my wishes, whether or not I spell out why they are my wishes in big bold neon lights for you, as a much bigger show of affection or endearment. But it's always got to be your way and who cares what anyone else wants, Joshua. Once in a while you have this moment of insight and actually understand someone else. You even learn a bit of empathy. And then once you have enough good nights in a row you forget everything you learned and it's back to reteaching you.

I don't have the time, desire or patience to have to teach a dog the same trick over and over again. And I'm sick of doing it with you.

K

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

Damn you for making it sound like all I wanted was sex from you! That's not true and you know it. I know what you were doing, I know why you were being the way you were being, trying to protect me. We weren't together when I went with Shiro, so don't go there because that's unfair. I wasn't unfaithful in anyway when we were together. I was so true to you, it wasn't even remotely funny. I was trying to get over you, thats what shiro was and he happens to be a good friend. Sex aside. So don't fuckin' bring him into this cause he don't deserve it.

I never complained much when you didn't go down on me, I grunted through it cause I was crazy about you. Otherwise I wouldn't have made such an effort to get past all our shit and wanted to take you to dinner that time. I made an effort to want to be with you, see you, get in your way so you'd know I cared. So don't turn this around like it's all about the sex. It was just a little harder without it and god, when your powers weren't there, god how I wanted to be with you. Show you everything I couldn't when you had your powers.

It's not different priorities. I feel things different ways Kevin. Everyone does. But if you wanna say that us not being together is my fault, I'm more than willing to take that blame because yes, I wanted sex with you. I wanted to show you how crazy about you I was and the things I could've done with you. I wanted to show you affection and if that's a crime, forgod's fuckin', lock me up.

But I also tried to do you right in the best way I knew how. Whatever I was then, whatever I am now, I'm far from perfect. I already know that.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

If it wasn't all you wanted then maybe you should stop focusing on it so much. You make it sound like you only ever got off by your own hand and that was because I was unwilling instead of unable to do it myself. Talking to you makes it sound like every problem we ever had came down to: a) I was straight, b) You couldn't get laid, c) I wanted to keep our relationship to myself instead of spray painting it all over the mansion in pink.

I guess those important details of yours aren't any good at dates, are they? We were together. We were together but not in a relationship so you were free to do whatever you wanted with anyone else. And we were together for a month before you slept with Shiro. And you told me after. But I never even kissed someone else. Says a lot about us both, doesn't it?

What I'll never understand is why you don't seem to think there's any way other than sex to show affection and that you were crazy about me. I never thought sex was necessary for that so why did you? And I'll never understand why you couldn't understand affection from me because of the lack of sex either.

You're the one who kept getting rid of me. You broke up with me. Then I got us back together in this sort of non-relationship thing we were doing. You disappeared and when you came back you didn't want to be with me. So, yeah, it's your fault we're not together.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

For the record, I don't do Pink.

Those things, the dates I'm not so good at right now. I can't remember... things. But all that stuff didn't matter, it shouldn't have mattered. It doesn't matter now. I can talk about it til I'm blue (no pun) in the face but that was then and this is now. But I'm sorry if I made us a bad transition between the two.

You draw out the most passion part of me, the most uncontrollable part and that's why we're not together. Not because of sex, or being straight, or cause it was an open relationship, none of that. Cause I can't control when around you, I got no control here and it makes me very dangerous. Not just to you, to everyone. It's a responsibility to my friends, my team and especially to those I care about.

It's all my fault and I'll burden it cause its the right thing for us. I don't regret the choices. Only sorry for the hurt I caused with the words I used.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

If you were trying to be responsible you would've had a conversation with me or at least explained it all in writing. And you would've done it a year ago. Somehow I don't think becoming a trainee with the X-Men is any more responsible than being with me would've been. You have no control and those people need to be able to depend on you. Responsibility means doing what you don't want to do because it is the right thing to do. The right thing to do is get a handle on your powers before you go near anyone, especially the innocents the X-Men try to help.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

And that's why I'm benched until I can get a handle on it. Why I go through the frustrating Dangerroom bullshit over and over, blowing it all the time, til I can get a handle on it. That's why I'm not in the field and why I'm in communications for Red X instead of being actually there, dealing with the victims. Responsibility means doing what you don't want to do because it is the right thing to do. I agree with that. That's why you're getting this a year later when I got my head on a little bit better than before because I know now what I need to do. This is my conversation. This is my writing.

But if you're saying I'm better off trying to work this out on my own, I think we're done here because then you don't understand.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

I never said you need to do it all alone. Actually I went on before about how you shouldn't have to go through it alone. It'd be really nice one day if you managed to retain anything I said or wrote.

But you're wrong about having this conversation now being responsible.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

I read what you said. Your just full of contridictions there.

I don't really get wha tyou said right there. Im not going to pretend to understand it either. If my responsibility came too late for you, sorry. It's the pace that I have to work with.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

Being responsible meant dealing with someone who loved you sooner, not later, whether or not it was easy for you. It means getting your powers and their changes under control before joining the team. It means taking every precaution you can to keep people safe, like avoiding crowds and gatherings of people whether or not you want to be there. It doesn't mean you've got to be alone, but it means you need to think about every single other person before you think of yourself. In my experience, you're not very good at that.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

Guess I deserved that. Deserve it.

I don't agree with you though. I told you before hand that I wasn't right and couldn't be around you. You make me crazy. Is there any other way to put it? It wasn't like I didn't explain it. I just might have explained it the way you like it explained.

Being on the team helps me. It'll help them if I can get it together. I ain't going out on the field until Im ready.

And if you're talking about Silver, you can stuff it there.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

Like I understood what crazy meant or what that meant for the changes you'd been forced into. You say that like I knew anything about what'd been done to you for that to make sense. And you never gave me a choice. You always had the choice whether you risked my mutation or not.

Yeah, if you can get it together and if you can't at least you get the commemorative leathers to say you tried and failed, right? If you're not going out in the field then you're not on the team. Because if you can't go you're no use to them.

See, that's what I thought. What you want trumps the safety of all those unsuspecting people. And one of them gets hurt because of all that control you don't have? Yeah, I'm sure it'll be about what you want still then, too. Once you get over the shock of what you've done.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

Kevin, I'm pretty sure you took a good look at what's changed and it follows through below the belt. The rest is psychological. Everything about my genetic code has been rewritten. I can't sing, I have a better healing factor, my wings.. they react to my reactions (I guess), sometimes do things I don't want (don't know why and can't figure it out), I adapt to cold better, I'm blue because of it, hell, my skin's like sand paper, but with all these physical changes, I feel like I'm living the life of two people. One that was me and one that's the new me. Neither agree on anything, espeically not when it comes to hunting. That's the best I can do to explain it. Don't even ask me about the psychology stuff. Hank's been trying to figure it out since he got here and even we havn't figured it all out. So it's a little hard to explain, but 'crazy' pretty much wraps it up.

Even if I'm never on the team, I'm still going to try to adapt to the things I can't change. And Screw you on the leathers bit. I don't know why you're all on my tail about the team. You seem to think I'm on it for some ego trip and if you think that, you don't know me at all.

Silver's the only place I ever feel solid, like Im in control and it's been a full year there and never had a problem so something there is right. but you never liked it that I work there anyways, did you? Didn't say congrads on passing the test, not even spending some cash to get through the training so I could be a bartender. Never ever said anything because you damn well didn't like it that I rolled in at four in the morning and I never got that. I still don't. Have you ever stepped into Silver? Ever come to see one of my shows? If you did, then you'd know its the only time I feel like I'm where I should be.

But I don't need no back pats from you, or congrads of any sort. I ain't looking for anything though I should say, I get it. Took me a year but I get why you don't wanna be friends now. You can't separate the two. I have to. or I'm gonna lose everything I worked so hard to build up.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

If you still don't know why I've never walked into Silver then you're so far beyond stupid and unobservant I haven't got the words to use to explain it to your entirely self-centered head.

I'm done Jay. Good luck with your training, your crazy and your club. I hope you don't lop off someone's head by accident. I don't think you'd survive prison.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

You know, I just wanted you to come and see it. Stand at the back, watch the show and then leave.

You're always done Kevin. Call me selfish, shut me down. I wish it was different but it ain't.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

It ain't as easy as stand in the back and leave. But then you obviously still don't know that so there's no reason for you to understand it.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

oh I understand. I know there's a dozen reasons not to, each one worse than the next. I know what's easy and what's not. It ain't nothing that ever stopped me from pushing yer threshold. Never said it had to be a busy night. Hell, I could do it in my suite but I don't own enough liquor to. But that don't cover the other reasons, does it?

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

Other reasons? What other reasons do I need other than the fact that I don't want more damage to someone else on my conscience? Maybe that isn't a good enough reason for you but there is no better reason for me.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

Oh Jesus Christ. We're just gonna stop here for answering questions and going on. I love talking to you but I'm dead tired trying to explain myself and I reckon you're probably feeling the same. Plus, I'm gonna go work on the truck, so I'm gonna be MIA for awhile. See ya

-Jay