Email to Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: stupid stuff

You know, I know I said some stupid stuff to you while we were dating but I know the topper was when I tried to get you to go to prom the second time.

I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for that. Not trying to get you back or anything. Just wanted to say it I didn't mean it the way it sounded, just wanting to be friends and that we was nothing. Just thought you was better off away from all my crazy instead of having me around, hurting you more with it.

My gums are flapping and Im still saying stupid stuff. At least that don't change right?

-Jay

Comments

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

Being responsible meant dealing with someone who loved you sooner, not later, whether or not it was easy for you. It means getting your powers and their changes under control before joining the team. It means taking every precaution you can to keep people safe, like avoiding crowds and gatherings of people whether or not you want to be there. It doesn't mean you've got to be alone, but it means you need to think about every single other person before you think of yourself. In my experience, you're not very good at that.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

Guess I deserved that. Deserve it.

I don't agree with you though. I told you before hand that I wasn't right and couldn't be around you. You make me crazy. Is there any other way to put it? It wasn't like I didn't explain it. I just might have explained it the way you like it explained.

Being on the team helps me. It'll help them if I can get it together. I ain't going out on the field until Im ready.

And if you're talking about Silver, you can stuff it there.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

Like I understood what crazy meant or what that meant for the changes you'd been forced into. You say that like I knew anything about what'd been done to you for that to make sense. And you never gave me a choice. You always had the choice whether you risked my mutation or not.

Yeah, if you can get it together and if you can't at least you get the commemorative leathers to say you tried and failed, right? If you're not going out in the field then you're not on the team. Because if you can't go you're no use to them.

See, that's what I thought. What you want trumps the safety of all those unsuspecting people. And one of them gets hurt because of all that control you don't have? Yeah, I'm sure it'll be about what you want still then, too. Once you get over the shock of what you've done.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

Kevin, I'm pretty sure you took a good look at what's changed and it follows through below the belt. The rest is psychological. Everything about my genetic code has been rewritten. I can't sing, I have a better healing factor, my wings.. they react to my reactions (I guess), sometimes do things I don't want (don't know why and can't figure it out), I adapt to cold better, I'm blue because of it, hell, my skin's like sand paper, but with all these physical changes, I feel like I'm living the life of two people. One that was me and one that's the new me. Neither agree on anything, espeically not when it comes to hunting. That's the best I can do to explain it. Don't even ask me about the psychology stuff. Hank's been trying to figure it out since he got here and even we havn't figured it all out. So it's a little hard to explain, but 'crazy' pretty much wraps it up.

Even if I'm never on the team, I'm still going to try to adapt to the things I can't change. And Screw you on the leathers bit. I don't know why you're all on my tail about the team. You seem to think I'm on it for some ego trip and if you think that, you don't know me at all.

Silver's the only place I ever feel solid, like Im in control and it's been a full year there and never had a problem so something there is right. but you never liked it that I work there anyways, did you? Didn't say congrads on passing the test, not even spending some cash to get through the training so I could be a bartender. Never ever said anything because you damn well didn't like it that I rolled in at four in the morning and I never got that. I still don't. Have you ever stepped into Silver? Ever come to see one of my shows? If you did, then you'd know its the only time I feel like I'm where I should be.

But I don't need no back pats from you, or congrads of any sort. I ain't looking for anything though I should say, I get it. Took me a year but I get why you don't wanna be friends now. You can't separate the two. I have to. or I'm gonna lose everything I worked so hard to build up.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

If you still don't know why I've never walked into Silver then you're so far beyond stupid and unobservant I haven't got the words to use to explain it to your entirely self-centered head.

I'm done Jay. Good luck with your training, your crazy and your club. I hope you don't lop off someone's head by accident. I don't think you'd survive prison.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

You know, I just wanted you to come and see it. Stand at the back, watch the show and then leave.

You're always done Kevin. Call me selfish, shut me down. I wish it was different but it ain't.

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

It ain't as easy as stand in the back and leave. But then you obviously still don't know that so there's no reason for you to understand it.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

oh I understand. I know there's a dozen reasons not to, each one worse than the next. I know what's easy and what's not. It ain't nothing that ever stopped me from pushing yer threshold. Never said it had to be a busy night. Hell, I could do it in my suite but I don't own enough liquor to. But that don't cover the other reasons, does it?

-Jay

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

To: [Guthrie, Jay]
From: [Ford, Kevin]
Subject: RE: stupid stuff

Other reasons? What other reasons do I need other than the fact that I don't want more damage to someone else on my conscience? Maybe that isn't a good enough reason for you but there is no better reason for me.

-Kevin

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

To: [Ford, Kevin]
From: [Guthrie, Jay]
Subject: re: stupid stuff

Oh Jesus Christ. We're just gonna stop here for answering questions and going on. I love talking to you but I'm dead tired trying to explain myself and I reckon you're probably feeling the same. Plus, I'm gonna go work on the truck, so I'm gonna be MIA for awhile. See ya

-Jay