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x-shinobi.livejournal.com posting in

To: Xavier, Charles; Summers, Scott; Samson, Leonard
CC: Blaire, Alison; Mactaggart, Moira
From: Shaw, Shinobi
Subject: Sarah.

Cheers,

It's been just about two weeks since Sarah was told she couldn't see the boys unsupervised, and I'm finally worried enough by her lack of forward (or backward, or any) movement that I'm pinging the lot of you. She's scaring the piss out of me.

Won't come out of the basement, unless it's absolutely necessary. Won't come out of her corner, when she's there. She's cried, and more than once, with actual tears - she'd told me before her mutation prevented her from doing that (hence the CC to Moira - should we be worrying about this, doctor?). She doesn't want to be cut off from them, but she doesn't seem to be kicking over to write the bloody e-mail I asked her to consider about looking into what she could be doing to start fixing things.

I don't know what to do here, or if I should be doing anything at all. Help?

-Shinobi

Current Mood: worried

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From:

x-dazzler.livejournal.com

To: Shaw, Shinobi, Xavier, Charles; Summers, Scott; Samson, Leonard
CC: Mactaggart, Moira
From: Blaire, Alison
Subject: Sarah.

People have tried to talk to Sarah before. People have reached out to her before. She has always made it very clear that anyone doing this is simply trying to impose their way of thinking on her and that it's highly unwelcome and that we're all judgmental pretty pretties for doing so. I won't point out the logic in this faced with how she has decided everyone else is. I believe she did this as recently as a few days ago, in comments to Shiro's post. And anything coming from me sure won't get anything positive in response now, will it?

So trying to talk to her now? So she can react just the same way? This will have come from her, genuinely so. She's the only one who can act on this. Dragging her out to "talk to us" will just bring more of the previous attitude she's displayed and until she's ready to consider acting otherwise on her own, I'm not wasting my time.

Or hers for that matter. From the tone of her comments, Shinobi, she knows this as well. Whether she's willing to or not is entirely up to her.

You can't do it for her, I'm afraid. No one else can either.

On the other hand, if you need to work it off or keep busy, I'm sure Scott or Hank wouldn't mind working out new training drills for you. Wish I could offer you more, but I'm maybe not the right person for that, in this case. I don't think Sarah needs to see you interacting all that much with me, right now.

Alison

From:

x-shinobi.livejournal.com

Subject: Re: Sarah

I just don't think she's going to do anything on her own. I don't think forcing her would do any good, don't get me wrong, but just letting her stew down there because she's too Goddamned ~~stupid~~ stubborn to stand back up isn't going to help, either. There has to be something.

I don't know how much longer I can watch this happen. I don't deal with helplessness and uselessness well.

Paige is going to be helping me keep busy for the next.. twenty days. I'm distracting her 'til her birthday. Scott, you no doubt know you can expect her knocking your door down the second the clock ticks over on. New training drills would be a good idea anyway, though. I'm getting too comfortable with the current ones. I need more pushing.

-Shinobi

From:

x-cyclops.livejournal.com

You're entitled to a sense of helplessness. You care about her and you want to help her solve this. But let me be cold-blooded here for a moment; you're trying to impose your timeframe on the situation, and that's not going to work. To be even more brutally honest, I would be both worried and suspicious if she had done anything about the situation by now. I wouldn't buy her sincerity if it had happened this quickly. Look at what it would involve - recognizing that what she did in those tunnels was wrong would be the easiest step and we all know how much she's resisting doing that. Accepting that the boys are making a life for themselves outside of the tunnels? Acknowledging that she's living in a different world now and adapting herself to it? None of those things are going to happen easily, Shinobi, and none of us can do a damned thing to help if she doesn't decide she wants that.

So there's my two cents' worth. There's nothing you can or should be doing. I'm going to go a step further, though, and I'll just have to ask you to forgive me in advance, because this is not going to come across well at all. But it needs to be said. You gave her an out once already, Shinobi - you shielded her, allowed her to avoid making some of these very difficult choices. You can not let your frustration and your sense of helplessness put you in a position where you wind up doing that again. You love her and you don't want to see her hurting, but you have to love her enough to know where to draw the line.

Scott

From:

x-shinobi.livejournal.com

Brace yourself, because I'm tired, I'm scared, and I'm just going to say everything on my mind right now - it isn't going to be pretty, it's going to be harsher than it needs to be, but I'm too tired to try and edit it for public consumption. That's why I'm only sending it to you - I trust you to read into it how I intend for it to sound. Okay? Okay.

Now, I love you like a brother, Scott, and if it makes you feel any better, I already know all of this.

However, you don't just stand on the pier and watch someone drown. You throw them a lifesaver, you jump in and get them, you call for help, anything but just standing there and watching somebody die.

Sarah is drowning, and if one more person tells me we can't do anything to help if she doesn't make the first move, I swear to God, I'm going to snap at somebody, and I don't want that to happen. She isn't going to make the first move, Scott, and no matter how many times I try to remind people of this fact, they pat me on the head, say I can talk to them, offer me distractions until she does what I know she's never going to do. It isn't helping.

I love her, and I love this school. From where I'm standing, both parties are acting like idiots, and I'm drawing a line for both of them.

Someone is going to throw her a lifesaver, or there's probably going to be a corpse in that basement before long. I'm not keen on waiting another two weeks for it to happen. She's. Getting. Help.

If this school won't give it to her, I will find someone who will. This is about more than her killing people and having the boys taken from her, at this point. Forget all of that. There is a woman in your house who is depressed, in agony, crying herself to sleep every night, and I'm pretty sure she's convinced I'm the only one here who gives a rat's ass about that fact. I'm beginning to wonder if she's right. She died last month, Scott. She is not. Dealing. With. Anything. And. She. Needs. HELP. GIVE IT TO HER.

-Shinobi

From:

x-cyclops.livejournal.com

But I'm not going to argue with you about it over email. I'm merely going to point you in Charles' direction. Go and talk to him, Shinobi - to him, not at the safe remove of email. You can write the rest of us off as judgemental and callous if you want, but you need to realize that there is no way he is not monitoring her. No way that he's going to let it come to a corpse in the basement so long as she's under his roof. The very fact that he hasn't taken drastic measures yet should tell you something: she may be floundering, but she's not in danger of drowning, because there's no way in hell he would let that happen.

I'll leave it there. Email arguments are not the most productive thing in the world, like I said. Feel free to come break something over my head if you want - God knows it sounds like you could use the opportunity to vent a little - but the time would probably be better spent talking to Charles.

Scott

From:

x-shinobi.livejournal.com

I wasn't trying to start an arguement, Scott. I did say not to take what I said at face value - fatigue and worry do little for one's ability to smooth out what they're saying. It lets the extremes come out to play. I was bringing my concerns to you, Charles, and a few others on the staff, like you had asked me to when I had concerns, rather than up and doing something about it myself.

For the record, I don't see you or the others as judgemental and callous. She killed people. There is no getting around that, no way to dress it up in frilly clothes and make it look better. I just don't think the current approach is working, and wanted to see if there were any alternatives, because I'm afraid we're losing her. She isn't moving forward, she isn't moving backward, she's just staying still, with nothing to do but grow more and more convinced that she's the monster in the basement, beyond all hope, the last of her kind. I don't think that's healthy for her. That's all.

I'm still not used to living with someone of Charles' abilities - I forget that he can, quite literally, keep an eye on us and make sure we're safe, no matter where in this house we are. Thank you for reminding me - you have no idea how much it helps.

As for venting.. that's what the morning run and workout are for. They concuss you less, so I consider them a plus.

-Shinobi