xp_communication | Email to: Sefton, Amanda

From: Kobaro
To: Sorgin
Subject: It's getting bad, isn't it?

I can feel it. I want to help you, in any way that I can. Let me lessen your cravings, or take them completely. There's no need for you to suffer like this - let me suffer for you, or banish it completely.

Let me do this for you. You know I can, you know it works.

Please.

Manuel

PS - And yes, I know that you feel you have to do it alone. Let me be your strength when yours is gone. I've done it before, I can do it again.

Current Mood: hopeful

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

xp_daytripper

To: [kobaro]
From: [sorgin]

Bugger, thought I was shielding better than that. At least the stomach ache on Saturday was a good distraction. *wry*

I know you want to help, love, but... I have to do this clean. No booze, no little bits of power to just get me through, no getting the docs to dope me stupid. No using anyone else's power. And the fact you've done it before makes me realise even more that this is the way to go - you're more than just another fix, and I won't let you turn into that, not even to help me.

I'm a junkie, Manuel. An addictive personality, Samson calls it. If it wasn't my mutant power it'd be some other fucking thing, and I'm not going to let it be someone else that I can't do without. I love you too much for that.

I hope you understand,

Amanda.

From:

x-empath.livejournal.com

From: Kobaro
To: Sorgin
Subject: No, I really don't.

You are suffering needlessly. I can help you not-suffer until your replacement necklace or whatever shows up.

I respect your desire to go it alone, but it is not necessary.

So - is that all I am now? A crutch? Another drug to get hooked on? I thought we had more than that. But if that's all it is - I'm just another drug to you - I want you to tell me that to my face.

You know how I feel. I know how you feel. Let me help you!

Manuel

From:

xp_daytripper

To: [kobaro]
From: [sorgin]

Subject: Of course you're not just that.

You really don't get it, do you?

You're more than just another drug to me, you know that. But you do this for me, that's all you'll end up being. It doesn't matter how much sense it makes, or how many good reasons there are, or even how much I tell myself that it's just a temporary thing, meant to get me through. My system's craving anything to make the shite go away, and if I give in and let it have what it wants, it'll keep wanting it. It won't be temporary, I'll keep on needing you to take the bad feelings away. I'll never be cured, and fuck knows I want to be.

I have to stop needing. Every time something happens in my life I automatically turn to something to make the pain go away, but that doesn't last. The pain's still there, underneath. And I don't deal with what causes it because I'm too busy avoiding feeling it. It's time I stopped running, stopped hiding behind the power or the bottle or even you. It's not about you, about me not wanting you. You know I do. But I can't let you help me, love, not this time. I need to, as you've said before, suck it up and deal with it, and who knows, maybe at the end I'll have managed some fucking control.

A.

From:

x-empath.livejournal.com

From: Manuel
To: Amanda
Subject: Needs

You're right.

I don't understand.

You're in pain. I can feel it - hell, I'm sharing it sometimes. I want to help. It's what I do - it's what I am good for.

You tell me no. That you don't want it - even though you do, desperately - and that you can't let yourself get dependent on me.

Do I have any say in this whatsoever?

Manuel

From:

xp_daytripper

To: Manuel
From: Amanda

Subject: Like that, is it?

No, you don't get a say. I didn't get a choice about getting hooked on my power, but I do have a choice about this, and I"m sticking to it. The whole thing about this addiction is that I _don't get a choice_ about wanting the power, and I'm sick of not being in control of something so fucking basic in my life.

Or maybe this is what you want, me being dependant on you? I know you're afraid I'll leave you one day - you're not the only one who gets stuff down the link the other one is trying to hide - and that'd stop that, wouldn't it, me being hooked on your power? Or maybe you want to be like everyone else, get me used to having you there to lean on, and then bugger off and watch me fall to bits.

A.

From:

x-empath.livejournal.com

From: Manuel
To: Amanda
Subject: That's not fair.

Of course that's one of the thoughts that has crossed my mind. But do you _really_ think that I'm trying to _addict_ you to me so that I can keep you by my side forever?

Please. I may be arrogant and foolish, but I'm not _that_ arrogant and foolish.

And I rather resent your tone. I'll assume that's withdrawl speaking and not actually you.

I ... I just want to help. I hate seeing you tear yourself apart, and I want to be there for you.

Manuel

From:

xp_daytripper

To: Manuel
From: Amanda

Subject: Help doesn't have to be powers.

I'm sorry to snap. It's just this is already hard enough, and I don't need to be arguing with you about this and it's so fucking hard to think straight right now. But I'm trying to do this the right way, try and kick this thing, and I can't do that if you take away the feelings. I want to be with you because I want to, not because my system can't cope without you.

You can still help without doing that, and you can be there without using your powers on me, can't you?

A.