Emails to Shiro, Paige, Scott and Nathan

[x-forge.livejournal.com]

To: [Yoshida Shiro]
From: [Forge, JH]
Subject:

I wanted you to know I don't hold any grudges for your reaction to what I posted this morning. I do appreciate your honesty. I'm not going to try and make excuses or comparisons. All I can say is that I made a mistake, I acted without considering any consequences beyond what I felt needed to be done. Dr. Samson, during our talks, posed the theory that somehow I created the bomb flawed. That I somehow subconsciously stopped myself from doing something horrible. I don't know if I believe that, and I don't suppose it matters. If that makes me an attempted killer in your eyes, then that's just how it's going to be.

I think your opinion is the one that matters to me here, though. Because we aren't friends. We barely even share any friends, and I think we've maybe spoken three words to each other out loud this entire year. So I can trust your opinion as unbiased when it comes to me. Knowing what you now know, and if it were you making the decision: do I belong here? I'm asking you specifically, what do you think?

JHF


To: [Guthrie, Paige]
From: [Forge, JH]
Subject:

I owe you an explanation. For everything. And I'd rather not do it over email. Can I see you tomorrow sometime?

JHF


To: [Summers, Scott; Dayspring, Nathan]
From: [Forge, JH]
Subject:

I wasn't looking for defense or vindication today. But thank you. I want to think that my time here has changed me from what the person I was. I know a lot of people might not think that way, or even that it matters - and their opinion is important to me. If the decisions I made back then cost me what I've built here - then maybe that's what's fair. Chickens coming home to roost, they say. But your confidence in me means a lot to me. Thank you.

JHF

Comments

Subject: you're welcome.

[x-cable.livejournal.com]

I just wish I understand why your past is the important thing, now, the thing that should decide whether or not you belong here. Setting aside what happened in Tampa, you have done a lot of good here, Forge. A lot of good.

Are the people whose opinions you're soliciting aware of that, too? The only thing that's coming to me is that you don't think you're capable of doing any further good, so you're calling for your balance sheet to be totaled up right here and now.

Fair is in the eye of the beholder. I only hope you're putting the opinions on the other side on the scale as well.

Nathan

Reply to Forge

[x-sanfuaiyaa.livejournal.com]

Subject: re: An explanation, if it's wanted.

The Buddha teaches us that forgiving others is essential in order to achieve Enlightenment. But I'm not a Buddhist, and I often think that Siddhartha was as foolish as Jesus, believing in the intrinsic good of mankind.

But I do believe in redemption. I do not think that people ever completely change, no matter what they might think, but we can all improve. I am a different and better man than I was when I first arrived her nearly two years ago, but I can see myself becoming that boy again. Alex is more confident in himself, his abilities, and his loves than he was when I first met him, but I've not doubt that the old Alex still lives inside him. And you, despite the powerful friendships you've made and the lives you've saved, still tried to murder countless young lives.

The question then becomes, where do you belong? Undoubtedly, you ought to be in prison. But then again, so does everyone else here. And if the purpose of incarceration is correction and not punishment, as Mr. Marko claims, then you have certainly been "corrected" already and prison would serve no purpose.

But I don't believe that. Prison is not a deterrence to crime. It is where people go when they think that the law does not apply to them. Even though you were only, what, fifteen or sixteen when you planted that bomb? Legally, you could have been tried as an adult, and if you were convicted, then you would be locked away for a long time.

This is a tough question you've asked me. I know that I don't trust you and don't want you anywhere near my sister. I know that someday the double standard the Terry mentioned is going to come by and bite you. I know that you are a very very troubled young man and in desperate need of help.

If you can get that any place else than here, than maybe you should go there. But I don't believe that leaving would be beneficial for anyone, so I suppose the answer is that you ought to stay.

-Shiro

Reply email

[x-foliate.livejournal.com]

That'd be... good. Yes. Tomorrow. You know my schedule.

Paige

Re: Reply email

[x-forge.livejournal.com]

I'm having a little trouble getting around. Drop by my room, if you could? Same suite as your brother's.

Reply

[x-cyclops.livejournal.com]

You're welcome.

My opinion, for what it's worth, is that you shouldn't be making any decisions right now. Take it from someone who's all too familiar with what stress does to one's judgement - the question, and the need you're feeling to know what other people think, will still be there in a few days. What will change, and probably in unpredictable ways, is how you feel.

It's forty-eight hours later, or almost. It's too soon to come to any conclusions.

Scott