If Amelia benched you there was probably a legitimate medical reason. It's not like she just does it to people for fun. If only because Moira would throttle her, and if it came down to a fight I definitely put my money on Moira.
Look at it this way: the benching a chance to get the other stuff interfering with your life sorted out. Once you get that handled, the team thing will fall back into place too because the thing what's keeping you off it is the thing that's symptomatic of all the other things. . . . or something comprehensible. Sorry, I'm a little scattered tonight.
Although since that's true and everything is linked it means you'll have to actually get things sorted out and not just pretend you have because you want to get back to active duty faster.
I'm perfectly in control of this. I don't need people interfering with my life. I know precisely what the anorexia can do (you don't have to call it a thing like it's dirty or shameful) and I know how to control it.
Since you know where I live you can do me a favor and avoid it as much as possible.
Please don't try to snow me about this. I'm pretty much the last person in the school who's going to be unaware of exactly how bad a disorder, even one you recognize, can get when you're under stress. Even indirect stress. That's why it's a disorder. If I always had a choice about it, I wouldn't be losing time to play Go Fish with Charles. Or dancing around the mansion where anyone could see us.
I'm not saying you can't normally control it -- or have a lot better hold on your problem than I have on mine, even -- it's just that sometimes people have a hard time, and that can tear up everything. That's true of everyone. It's got nothing to do with you being anorexic or me having DID. That's just the way our problems manifest. If you were trying to bury yourself in work I would be reacting exactly the same way.
You helped me this summer when things were bad, and now things with you have snowballed enough that the doctors are concerned. Please let me return the favor.
I need this right now and you took it away. I was going to stop. Just five more pounds and I was going to be done. That would have been good enough. I could have looked at myself and been happy then.
That's really too bad. Breaking doors with my brain is unreliable. Going to Cain for the master key is not.
You know you're not winning this. Let's just skip to the part where we both fall asleep on each other the couch. Sleep makes everything better. And maybe more soup.
Hinges won't matter. Don't make the fire come. Bobby hasn't been out of the infirmary for too long, and I think he's got better things to do with his time right now than put out your door.
1/5 of me is cruel. 2/5 are perverse. The other 2/5 just want to see you well enough to not be benched. You're outnumbered.
You'd better be eating by the 18th. I missed a couple birthdays, so I don't tolerate it when people won't have cake, but for you I'll allow non-fat cake even though that shouldn't really count as a dessert.
I lose track when I'm tired. You've been subjected to an email from Davey before. My errors are just better spelled.
There will be cake whether you want it or not, but we can talk about what you would like in person. In about thirty seconds, as a matter of fact. Deal.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-08 04:19 am (UTC)From: [The fully justified]
If Amelia benched you there was probably a legitimate medical reason. It's not like she just does it to people for fun. If only because Moira would throttle her, and if it came down to a fight I definitely put my money on Moira.
Look at it this way: the benching a chance to get the other stuff interfering with your life sorted out. Once you get that handled, the team thing will fall back into place too because the thing what's keeping you off it is the thing that's symptomatic of all the other things. . . . or something comprehensible. Sorry, I'm a little scattered tonight.
Although since that's true and everything is linked it means you'll have to actually get things sorted out and not just pretend you have because you want to get back to active duty faster.
And yeah, I know you know where I live.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-08 04:27 am (UTC)From: [Not an invalid]
I'm perfectly in control of this. I don't need people interfering with my life. I know precisely what the anorexia can do (you don't have to call it a thing like it's dirty or shameful) and I know how to control it.
Since you know where I live you can do me a favor and avoid it as much as possible.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-08 05:04 am (UTC)From: [Jim]
Please don't try to snow me about this. I'm pretty much the last person in the school who's going to be unaware of exactly how bad a disorder, even one you recognize, can get when you're under stress. Even indirect stress. That's why it's a disorder. If I always had a choice about it, I wouldn't be losing time to play Go Fish with Charles. Or dancing around the mansion where anyone could see us.
I'm not saying you can't normally control it -- or have a lot better hold on your problem than I have on mine, even -- it's just that sometimes people have a hard time, and that can tear up everything. That's true of everyone. It's got nothing to do with you being anorexic or me having DID. That's just the way our problems manifest. If you were trying to bury yourself in work I would be reacting exactly the same way.
You helped me this summer when things were bad, and now things with you have snowballed enough that the doctors are concerned. Please let me return the favor.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-08 05:21 am (UTC)From: [Lorna]
I need this right now and you took it away. I was going to stop. Just five more pounds and I was going to be done. That would have been good enough. I could have looked at myself and been happy then.
It would have been enough.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-08 05:33 am (UTC)From: [Jim]
And I only need to switch one more time before I can bring myself to cope with my problems myself. Or want to.
If it was ever enough, the problems would have fixed themselves. That's not the way it works. Trust me.
I'm going to come over now, since I do know where you live.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-08 05:36 am (UTC)From: [Lorna]
Just leave me alone. I don't want to see anyone right now.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-08 05:47 am (UTC)From: [Jim]
That's really too bad. Breaking doors with my brain is unreliable. Going to Cain for the master key is not.
You know you're not winning this. Let's just skip to the part where we both fall asleep on each other the couch. Sleep makes everything better. And maybe more soup.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-08 05:50 am (UTC)From: [Lorna]
I could fuse the hinges. Then you'd be stuck outside.
I'm not eating again today. Making me is outlawed under the Geneva convention as cruel and unusual punishment.
Go AWAY.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-08 06:03 am (UTC)From: [Jim]
Hinges won't matter. Don't make the fire come. Bobby hasn't been out of the infirmary for too long, and I think he's got better things to do with his time right now than put out your door.
1/5 of me is cruel. 2/5 are perverse. The other 2/5 just want to see you well enough to not be benched. You're outnumbered.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-08 06:05 am (UTC)From: [Lorna]
He's not here. He left with Terry.
You're going to have to explain that breakdown to me.
I'm still not eating.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-08 06:12 am (UTC)From: [Jim]
In that case you really shouldn't provoke Cyndi.
Typo. I'm four now.
You'd better be eating by the 18th. I missed a couple birthdays, so I don't tolerate it when people won't have cake, but for you I'll allow non-fat cake even though that shouldn't really count as a dessert.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-08 06:19 am (UTC)From: [Lorna]
Whatever.
That was a long and complicated typo. With poor math skills.
I don't like cake.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-08 06:36 am (UTC)From: [Jim]
I lose track when I'm tired. You've been subjected to an email from Davey before. My errors are just better spelled.
There will be cake whether you want it or not, but we can talk about what you would like in person. In about thirty seconds, as a matter of fact. Deal.